The favorite wife

Since we moved to PA I am not the only one that has had a hard time making friends. We have friends here...just not really close have a lot in common friends. Although I joke about the mean mommy's group I have made a couple of close girlfriends. Bret however has struggled. He usually tags along with whatever social outing I plan and hangs out with residents from other programs (because there is only one other guy in OB and they don't get along so great). I think this has a lot to do with the fact that he works ALL THE TIME but also because a lot of the people he meets are not married and don't have two kids. That makes a difference. So I digress.

One of Bret's few friends has been in an on again off again relationship for a few years now. Friend has done everything to try and make it work even talking marriage at times. The girl is not right for him (not to mention she isn't the nicest person either). So a week or so ago they had a big blow out and broke it off "for good". She even came and got her stuff. I will be the first to mention that I was skeptical until she came and got her stuff (she lives about an hour away).

So cheer this friend up several other friends thought they needed to take friend out..not just out to the bars (because they have DONE that) but to a strip club. Bret has been to strip clubs before (once in New Orleans, couple bachelors parties, etc, etc). It's not that BIG of a deal yet not something I really want to become a habit. So when he asked if he could go he knew the answer already. I don't really care...with the few exceptions that he already knows (ie no lap dances for him, no touching, and don't waste a bunch of money).

So I was pretty surprised to find out that all of the other wives said no. No their husbands who they love and trust could not go out for a few drinks with friends that they knew to see some boobies. Seriously?

Look I'm not crazy about it either and to be honest I don't get it. But if your husband "asks" you to go once every couple of years really what is the big deal? I get the whole degrading woman thing but honestly that doesn't even bother me that much. They are making good money and OK with what they are doing. I actually had a student worker one time who came in asked me some questions about filling out her FAFSA and after looking at her tax info I found out she worked at a really elite club in town. I asked her about it (as her boss I knew her pretty well) and when she told me how much she was making I seriously did a double take and said thought maybe I should look into it. (Her hourly wage if you included tips was double what my hourly wage would be if you broke it down).

So would you let your husband go or would your wife let you go? Have you been to a strip club and what do you think?

Rumor Has It

So like most companies the school that I work for is having a town hall meeting today to discuss some necessary changes to help weather the economic crisis. Because they had a meeting with supervisors already to give them the heads up the rumor mill has been overflowing with gossip about what these changes will entail.

I have to confess that I thrive on the gossip mill. I don't like to spread it but I love to hear it. I want to be in the know. So shame on me but my ears have been perked up like crazy the last few days trying to decipher what is going to be announced. One thing is clear..there will be NO lay offs. That is great however there is lots of other bad news instead.

People do not go into higher education administration for the money. They just don't because it is not there. The master's degrees and Ph.D's would be much MUCH more profitable in the private sector. However there are several other "perks" that we all appreciate and feel like make up for the fact that we don't get paid the best. These are what the rumors have said are going to start going away. One example of what I have heard is that our reduced summer hours is gone and so is our week at Christmas that we get off without having to take vacation. Since the "meetings" haven't taken place yet why these things must go (and what actually is going)isn't really clear but the key word of the day is efficiency.

What a bunch of crap if you ask me. I want to know how much the college is going to "save" or increase in "revenue" if they keep us here an hour longer everyday in the summer and during the week between Christmas and New Year's. I think it has been something that "admin" has wanted to do away with for a long time and now they have their chance.

I know that the economy has affected millions of Americans but it has not affected everyone. I meet with students and parents everyday. We have a process called a special circumstances appeal. This allows financial aid administrators to adjust the FAFSA if the family has had a significant financial change since the previous year. You file your FAFSA based on the previous years tax information and it is quite possible that your current situation is significantly different. Some of the families that I have talked to have asked for such an appeal. When I ask what has changed in their financial situation they tell me "well, the economy".

OK

Has someone lost their job, reduced salary, reduction in hours, etc etc? Well, no. Then please tell me how exactly has the economy affected your financial situation? Bret and I will be the first to admit that although having my perks taken away kind of sucks our financial situation has not changed or been affected by the economy. We are lucky that way. Don't get me wrong for every student that has not been affected I have spoken to three that have. Thus the reason for the appeal in the first place.

As for the school I work for....our incoming freshman class is up as far as numbers and our retention actually looks great for the upcoming year. We may have lost some of our endowment with the rocky stock market last year but overall our losses were not that significant (I have a BA in finance and yes I actually read the quarterly reports that are presented to the board/alum/etc). So please tell me how much the college is saving by making their employees work 50 extra hours over the summer (when we have almost NO students on campus because of our limited summer offerings) and 32 hours over the Christmas holiday. I would bet that the impact on moral and employee satisfaction will have a MUCH MUCH more significant impact on the overall commitment to our students. The cherry on top for me is that this week concludes our Fund Campaign in which faculty and staff are asked to donate to the college. You can bet that I want to give back to the school that is not giving any raises to staff, increasing our hours, and charging us more for our benefits. Boy what a motivator.

Tag 8

Goodbyemartha recently tagged me with the 8 meme. Sorry it has taken me so long to get it posted!

8 Things I'm Looking Forward to:

1. Going home for Kyla's wedding the first week of June
2. Having my mom come visit for a few weeks this summer
3. Having my sister come visit this summer
4. Going to the lake on our boat
5. Taking the kids camping (first time for Palmer)
6. Taking the kids to Dutch Wonderland
7. Going to the beach
8. Getting off work early for the summer months

8 Things I did yesterday

1. Enjoyed the awesome weather by eating my lunch outside
2. Was pretty productive at work
3. Went to the grocery store after work before picking up the kids
4. Made enchiladas for dinner
5. Went for a walk with the family
6. Dropped in on some friends who live on the way we went for a walk
7. Watched the season finale of Chuck
8. Sat on the porch w/hubs and caught up after a long day enjoying the awesome weather

8 Things I wish I could do

1. Stay home with the kids for the summer
2. Go on vacation with the fam
3. Get a book published and become a famous author
4. Lose weight
5. Get tan without the harmful affects of the sun or the orange look of tanning lotion
6. Buy a new car
7. Find more energy
8. Get everything done that needs to be done this week.

8 Shows I watch

1. Lost
2. Grey's
3. Tudors
4. Big Love
5. Entourage
6. Private Practice
7. Biggest Loser
8. Weeds

8 Tags

Tova Darling

The Antisdel Abstract

Rosiesmrtiepants

Sometimes Lucid

Snarky Much

It is what it is, sometimes

Reflections of Moi

The Marvelous Mrs. E

Totally Awkward Tuesdays

After weeks of reading the hilarious stories you know that you want to participate too. Surely there is a story just waiting to be told. If so check out Tova's site for details.

When Bret and I were dating in college I got to know a lot of his good friends from high school. I loved 98% of them more than my own friends. There were only a couple that I was not so crazy about. One such friend was "that girl". You know the one that doesn't have any girlfriends (because she has pissed them all off) and is buds with the guys. More specifically your guy. She is also the one that likes to hang all over your guy. I'm not a jealous girl. I am however an annoyed one. Seriously every time we saw her she felt it necessary to run up and jump into my then boyfriend's arms and hug him around the neck with her legs wrapped around his waist. Seriously who does that? Needless to say I was not the only girlfriend in our group of friends that were not big fans of this friend at all. We would roll our eyes whenever she came around and just ignored her. She was smart enough (or our boyfriends were fearful of us enough) to never let it be anything more than just harmless.

Fast forward a few years and Bret and I were engaged and planning our wedding. While going through the guest list we each had VETO power over each other's guest list. This particular friend was one of the few points of contention. I just didn't want her to be there and I knew that my other friends didn't want her to be there either. Bret didn't want me to feel weird at all on our most important day so he relented and didn't have a problem with it. A few weeks after this conversation we were at the bars with all of our friends. "That girl" showed up and of course after the typical squeal, try to jump into arms (I say try b/c Bret figured out pretty quick that I was not cool with whole act and that it wasn't worth the look he would get). Then out of now where she comes over to me and give me a giant hug too. WTH?!?

Drunk of course. Then in a very LOUD voice she asked me the question I was secretly pleading that she wouldn't. "Are you going to invite me to your wedding?" Even in a very busy bar you could hear exactly what she asked. I am not a rude or mean person. I was the girl who was taught to include everyone growing up. It is one thing to not send an invitation. It is totally different telling a person to their face (who asks you directly) that they are not invited. Besides what was I going to tell her was the reason? No, because you are a flirty whore and I don't want you near my soon to be husband on my wedding day? So in my biggest attempt to be the bigger person I told her "of course". Talk about awkward.

To be fair she was on her best behavior (at least towards my husband and around me) on the wedding day (or maybe I was just too busy to notice her). Either way who drunk or otherwise actually asks someone if they are invited?

Girls Day

I had been promising Emily that we would get our nails done since the weather turned semi warm. For a few years now I have been taking her with me and letting her get her toes and finger nails painted. They usually just charge me a polish change with usually runs $3 for fingers & $3 for toes. For $6 it's a fun girls thing to do together.

So Saturday morning we were up and ran over to the mall just before they opened to get our first mani/pedi of the season and low and behold I see that the place has added a new feature.

They added 4 mini-spa chairs for children. Yes you read that correctly. They have pedicure spa chairs for kids. The chairs are shaped as animals (panda, rabbit, princess, and bear), they have massage backs, and they have individual DVD players for the kids. So for the price of $20 Emily got the royal treatment. Can we say HIGH PRICED? It was one of those moments where I had a choice to make. This is not a typical Saturday morning expenditure. So I explained to Emily that because she has been a super big help at home lately (which she has) and has not had a time out in a long time we were going to get the spa treatment. HOWEVER this was not going to be a regular occurrence (not that we got pedis regularly before...maybe every other month at most). Next time we are going to find a new place to go that doesn't have the super expensive chairs unless it is a special occasion. It was fun though and I will admit that it was great to see her so excited. It makes me wonder if money wasn't an issue or something that we had to watch if we wouldn't keep going there every few months. Probably not.

Send in the secret weapon

The kids' daycare/preschool is having a fund raiser. The PTA decided to do a Trike a Thon to raise funds for the school. The funds are used for new supplies, field trips, a music teacher, and other special things to add to the everyday curriculum.

Since other fund raisers usually involve buying something and since our family lives so far away and would have to send the money and then we would have to send the stuff it has always been too much of a hassle to even bother asking. This time since the kids are just asking for sponsors Bret and I figured it was time to send in the secret weapon....the two most adorable kids ever also known as the only grandchildren on both sides and the only niece/nephew of two aunts.

So after coaching Emily and talking about what she was going to do here is a glimpse of what went down.

Emily: Hi Grandpa!

Grandpa (aka Bret's dad): Well, hi Emily!

Emily: Grandpa, my school needs money so I am going to ride my bike. Will you give my school money if I ride my bike?

Grandpa: stifling a laugh...of course Emily. How does $5 sound?

Emily: For Palmer too? How about you give me $5 and Palmer $5?

Grandpa: That sounds good Emily I will put it in the mail today.

Emily: Thank you so much grandpa. Now can I talk to grandma?

And so we give a very similar spew to grandma and collect an additional $5 for both her and Palmer (because she is always looking out for her little bro...that's what big sisters are for). One family member tried to giver her $10 and ended up in almost an argument because Emily seemed to think that $5 was what she really needed. All in all Emily raised $100 between her and Palmer's donations. Now they just have a bunch of bike riding to do next Sunday at the actual event.

Freaky Friday

For as long as I can remember I have always had this thing that some people call intuition. I get a very strange sick feeling in my stomach when something bad is going to happen. The problem is that I don't know what it is that is going to happen or to who.

In high school I had a good friend that was a year older than me. She was pretty wild but I liked her and she was fun. My parents were out one Saturday and we were getting ready to have some friends over to swim at my parents' pool. Brandy thought it would be fun to make some blended drinks so she made plans with one of her "connections" to have them pick up some alcohol and she was going to get ice.

Right before she left I got my "something bad is going to happen" vibe. I tried to casually convince Brandy to not go. I told her we could raid my parent's stash (although there wasn't much there) or that her friend could bring it over themselves. Brandy of course thought I was losing my mind and wanted to know why I really didn't want her to go. In the least "I'm a freak" kind of way that I could I simply told her that I had a bad feeling about it. Just as she was about to leave the feeling was so strong that I had tears in my eyes as I told her not to go.

She went anyways.


Not five minutes later she rear ended a car in front of her. Nothing was wrong with her but she had booze in the car (yep we were minors) and it was going to cost her a ton to get her car fixed. This has happened a couple of other times to me. My husband has learned to always listen to my "something bad it going to happen" vibe. Happy Friday!

Change is in the air

Change is a funny thing. Have you ever read the book "Who Moved my Cheese"? It's takes a very simple story about some mice and their cheese and applies the same principles to business. You have different characters and how they react differently to change and then takes those lessons and apply them to you. I always loved that book and the simpleness of it.

I always prided myself on my high tolerance to change. New reporting structures, new software, new policies, and just about anything else "management/administration" through at me I took in stride. No, actually I liked it. I embrace change. At the last school I worked at in KS I was responsible for helping our staff embrace the major change we were going through in a system software change. It went awesome. Yes it was a lot of work and yes at times it was over whelming but for the most part I really enjoyed it and I think the rest of the staff embraced it as well.

Change took on a whole new meaning to me when we found out we were going to be moving. We found out March 15th and Bret's first day was June 12th. That meant we put our house on the market, had a huge sale, flew to PA to look for a job for me and a new place to live twice, had graduations for Bret/my sister/BIL/and my brother, went on a week long cruise to celebrate with our entire family, packed up everything we owned, stuffed it all into 2 huge trailers and pickups, and moved across the country in the span of 3 months. Oh and did I mention that we had an almost 3 year old and a five month old baby, knew NO ONE, and ended up having to live in a hotel for 10 days because our apartment wasn't ready?

Let's just say that after the last 2 years of trying to figure out a new town, make new friends, etc, etc change doesn't intimidate me a bit. BRING. IT. ON.

I have been feeling restless in my status quo. I'm not unhappy at my job but I am starting to realize that I'm also not really HAPPY either. The million dollar question is then what will make me happy? How do you figure that out? I'm not sure either. For a lot of people that means going back to school....ugh. I have a BS in finance and an MBA. I can stay working here and get another bachelors or even just take some classes for free if I wanted to do that. The only masters program we have is in education (pretty sure I don't want to teach at less than a college level) and there are no Ph.d programs. The P word still kind of is floating out there. I know that if I do get a Ph.d then I want it to be at a large school and I want to do that full time not at night. There are no schools less than about an hour away for me to do that here. I think that until Bret is done with residency that it pretty much out for the time being. So that leaves another bachelors or just extra classes to strengthen some skills (ie English, writing, or web/computer technology)

Then I look at the opposite direction and think about staying home. So this idea is circulating around in my head mostly because we have been talking about having another baby. We pay a TON of money each month to have two small children in daycare all day. By the time you take out daycare and taxes there is "x" number of dollars left. What I need to figure out is how to a) cut our expenses or b) earn money working from home to make up that difference. Hmm that is an interesting thought.

Maybe it's just because spring is here but I know that I am not the only one thinking about change. What change are you thinking about?

I call it Bret

Bret and I were watching Scrubs the other day and it was the episode where they were all in the Caribbean and Turk was frustrated because his wife looked like a mommy and not the smoking hot babe he married when she met him on the beach. I laughed that awkward laugh when you know that it's meant to be funny but yet hits a little closer to home. I noticed the big hat, comfy sun clothes, sun screen, hair up in a pony tail, and of course snacks rather than the dreamy bikini clad head turner he was expecting.

It happened again a few days later as I was watching Sex and the City the movie. Leave it to Samantha to be the wake up call needed for Miranda to realize that she had let herself go in her less than sudle way.

Being a mom is not a glamorous job. Sometimes moms work so hard to make sure that our little ones are presentable that by the time they get themselves ready to go time and energy are not their friend. Sometimes time for waxing, highlights, tanning, mani/pedis take backseat to gymnastics, PTA meetings, birthday parties, and just SLEEP. I will be the first to admit that if I get dinner on the table, dishes washed, kids bathed/read to/and off to bed there isn't much left afterwards on a week night. Weekends are rough because Bret works a lot and there is NO WAY I can take a 4 & 2 year old to sit still and be quiet for the hour plus time needed to have my hair done. We haven't even come to the part about the money.

I was getting ready for work this morning and I had a glaring reminder of my age that refused to cooperate..a gray hair. It's right on the front of my forehead and it is unruly. I have pulled it no less than 10 times and yet it still comes back and grows at an amazing speed. Bret noticed it the other day and said something to me about it. My reply is yes I have named it Bret. He laughed but wanted to know if I also had one for Emily and one for Palmer...no I do not (at least that I have noticed as of yet). I think this was the last little push that I needed to get my butt in gear. If I have to hire a babysitter to find the time (since Bret is working most of the weekend) I will find time to get some much needed spring cleaning done on myself. I think it is exactly what I need to shake off the last of my winter blues that have hanging around.

Totally Awkward Tuesdays

To participate check out Tova's site for details.

I think I mentioned before that I work in higher education in financial aid. Yesterday I was meeting with a student and I had a hard time concentrating on his questions. The kid had a GIANT hole/rip in his jeans. Not just any hole...no...this hole in particular was place just so that as he sat in front of me I was being flashed by his crotch and a pair of tighty whities. It was OBSCENE. What can you do though? If I mention it what would I say? So instead I ignored it to the best of my ability and tried to hide my flush that seemed to creep up my neck. Ah college students..nothing surprises me anymore.

Spring Cleaning/Office Make Over Pt 1

As part of the everlasting tradition of spring cleaning I have been taking a look at my office and I am in dire straights. I will be the first to admit that while I have many many talents decorating is NOT one of them. I barely get by at home and my office is just in need of some serious help. So to start with I have decided to tackle the mammoth sized bulletin board that I inherited when I got the job.


I have not changed one thing on it since I got my office because I am not sure what to do with it. It is so blahhh. I am not sure if I should put some fabric on it for a background or maybe a border? I don't want it to look elementary teacher like...this is college people. However, that said I want it to be fun. Information to post on it is not the problem...I just want it to look nice. What do you think?

*BTW the board is screwed into the wall so not removed easily still possible. But if I move it then what would I put in it's place and more importantly would the wall behind it look ok? Thanks for your help!

Yeah for Friday!

I am having an awesome Friday so far. To start with this morning a friend and I took a 20 minute drive into the middle of Amish country to buy fresh pastries. This place was awesome. Sadie and her two children sell fresh made pastries every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday mornings. They are awesome. When I say fresh I mean they filled the filled ones in front of me and added the frosting just before boxing them up. I could have died and gone to heaven with these doughnuts. AWESOME! Then I made my family and work buddies happy because I shared.

As I was reading through my google reader I found out that I won a contest..YEAH! Who doesn't love winning something for free. Last night we had a fun dinner with friends and then Dairy Queen for desert. It's nice that last night and today are going good because this weekend is not going to be so much fun. Bret has to work tonight and all day Sunday and I have to work part of tomorrow. Bummer.

So without further ado here is my Freaky Friday story.

I worked with a lady named Marlene when I was a student worker. She was a very sweet lady that was married to a very sweet man. They had no children but a tiny dog instead. One day when I was working on a project back in Marlene's office we started talking about ghosts and other spiritual beings and she teared up as she told me this story.

A few years ago it was her mom's 85th birthday. Her mom lived in an assisted living apartment and her and the rest of the family took her out to eat to celebrate the occasion. They had a wonderful time and took lots of pictures. Marlene took her mom home and while her husband parked the car she went in to help get her mom settled.

She got her mom into her PJ's and into bed. She told her mom that she would come back the next day to read her the cards and help write the thank-you notes. She kissed her mom on the cheek and told her that she loved her and would see her the next day.

As Marlene was walking out to the car she heard a male voice say "Marlene". Thinking that someone needed her she turned around and the place was empty. So she thought that maybe she was hearing things and kept walking. Again she heard "Marlene" only with slightly more urgency. Again there was no one. At this point she thought that maybe her husband was playing a trick on her because at 9pm at night the assisted living place was empty. She called out her husband's name and said "this isn't funny). Moments afterwards and before she turned around she felt a hand on her shoulder and with a soft urgency and firm voice she heard "Marlene".

Marlene was pretty freaked out by this point and just then her cell phone rang. It was her husband. She threw up a quick prayer for more guidance and answered the phone. Of course he wanted to know where she was. She reassured him that she was fine and that she needed to run back in and see her mom and did he mind waiting. He didn't mind and she went back in to see her mom.

Her mom was reading in bed and looked at Marlene with a quizzical look and asked her what she was doing there. Marlene told her mom that she didn't know why she was there but that she felt like she needed to come and sit for a few minutes. So she did. They talked about the birthday dinner and the family. They laughed and just enjoyed a few more minutes together. Satisfied that she was just hearing things and that everything was fine she again told her mom how much she loved her and that she would see her tomorrow.

Marlene's mom passed away that night. She told me that she was so thankful for those last few minutes. She would have felt bad if she rushed out like she did and that she didn't take advantage of the last night they had. It was silly to see Marlene and I with tears streaming down our cheeks as she told me that story but it really made me realize how often I rush off. Since that day I ALWAYS kiss my husband and kids goodbye, good night, and hello. I also tell them a million times a day how much I love them.

Happy Birthday Dr. Incredible

Today is Bret's birthday. The nurses at the hospital nicknamed him Dr. Incredible since the first few days that he started working there. They give him stickers, a Pez dispenser, and they label all of his things using his nickname. I'm not sure why...resemblance? :) No, in all honesty I know better than anyone why you are incredible. Bret and I have been together for 10 years and married for 6 this June. We actually met 10 years ago yesterday and 10 years ago today I fell in love with you. People say that there is no such thing as love at first sight. I am not sure but I do know that there was a reason neither of us wanted to spend a moment apart for the rest of our lives and for the most part we haven't. So without further ado here are the top ten reasons I love you (one for each year we have had so far). Happy Birthday baby!

10. You are fluent in Adrianese. You know that when I tell you "we will talk about it" it means the answer is probably not but I want you to understand why. I can say the same word in three different tones and you know exactly what my mood is. You know that when I ask your opinion (on most things) I usually just want you to agree with me and your ok with that.

9. You are never critical about my home maker skills. Doesn't bother you a bit if the house is a disaster, dinner is take out, the sink is full of dishes, or if you have no clean socks. You appreciate the fact that most of the time you don't have to do these things so who are you to judge. You never once asked me what I did all day when I was staying home with the kids and nothing got done.

8. You don't mind doing the things that I don't like to do. You take out the trash, clean out the fridge, clean the bunny cage, vacuum, wash the pukey clothes/kids/sheets, outside/lawn stuff, and of course anything that needs to be "fixed".

7. You love to "do" things too. Our love to vacation, take day trips, go to the lake, have dinner parties, and go out is so compatible. I know that what ever crazy idea I have you are always up for an adventure.

6. You are thoughtful and compassionate. You try to think about every one's feelings even when that creates more work. I know why people look to you during their most life changing moments both happy and sad. You know just what to say even if that is nothing at all. It takes a special person to bring life into the world and you are one of those people. I am so proud of you.

5. You like things to be fair. You are never afraid of hard work or doing your part but you believe everyone should do their part. If life really was the way you thought it should be it would be a much better place.

4. You never once got angry or upset (or even raised your voice) at me when I wrecked your month old brand new pick up.

3. You were going to give up everything you have worked so hard for because I was not happy. When you struggled through med school you never once used your family as your excuse. Not enough time to study? It was never because of the kids and I in your head even though I know that sometimes it was.

2. You are your kids' hero. Their faces light up when you come home and when you work too much their moods reflect it. In their eyes you can do anything, make anything better, fix everything, and talk mom into anything.

1. Even during our roughest times you have never questioned our marriage or our commitment to each other. Your love, respect, and friendship are my greatest blessings.

Mix between a great book and reality TV

So I have a confession to make. I have had this weird new obsession that started about a month ago. I have been reading some new blogs and have been absolutely captivated by the tragedy that some families are blogging about. It starts with a blog that I read frequently asking for prayers for the "X" family. I go to "X" family blog and start reading. Then I feel compelled to read everything from the beginning. I have spent hours in the past month reading about births of 1 lb babies, cancer in a 2 year old, a family that lost their 8 month old baby got pregnant again and then the dad got a brain tumor, a family that was pregnant with sextuplets and then lost them all, a baby who wasn't supposed to live past birth and is now fighting for his life due to a heart condition, and on and on. This raw human emotion has brought me to tears, compelled me to write complete strangers to let them know that I am praying for their family, and to follow along on their journey of the highest highs and lowest lows.

I am amazed at the goodness that are in people's hearts as they support these people going threw unimaginable times that they have never met. People have set up funds to help pay for medical bills, offered portions of their etsy sales, donated hotel rooms so that the mom can stay close to her baby in the hospital, set up a food rotation for those that live close by, and so much more. It is so warming for my heart to see such compassion in the world today.

I have always been a people watcher. I love to peak into their lives (some would call this being nosey). It's like a strange mix between a really good book and reality TV. I know that I am not alone because most of these people have thousands of followers that read their blogs everyday. There is nothing like someone else's tragedy to remind us how blessed we are in our own lives and it's puts our own issues or worries into perspective.

Totally Awkward Tuesday

To participate check out Tova's site for details.

During my senior year in college my sister and I lived together as she was also a freshman. We both had campus jobs in between classes so we often times rode to work/class together so that we only had to pay for one parking permit.

Sister was driving and I was enjoying my hot cup of coffee when sister mentioned that she was having a difficult time seeing because the sun was in her eyes. It was very bright and just at the time of day where the visor was no help what so ever. Before I had a chance to advise her on what to do she hit the curb hard and ran my little car up into the driveway of the business. No harm no foul except my coffee went everywhere. It covered the windshield, the dash, and of course me. I was soaked. So we turned around and headed home (which was only 2 minutes away). We were already running a little late so I had to hustle in to get changed and run back out. It was summer so I threw on some Khaki shorts and a new shirt and was on my way.

Sister was ready to (as she did not get soaked in coffee) so off we went to work. I noticed that the seat was a little damp but there wasn't much I could do about it so I forgot about it. Sister came to pick me up at the office to head home at the end of the day after work and classes.

Sister: "Oh my gosh what is all over your butt?"
Me: "What?" "I don't know what?" slightly panicked.
Sister: "You have this huge brown spot on your butt" "Gross"
Me: Thinking quickly what the heck I could have sat in and then it occurs to me...the damp seat this morning from coffee. I had walked around at work, class, on campus with a huge brown coffee spot on my butt all day. NO.ONE.SAID.ANYTHING!!!

Sister trying desperately not to laugh gave me an innocent look.

Sister: "I'm sure no one noticed"
Me: Red faced and totally embarrassed trying to remember who I had ran into that day. UGH

Freaky Friday (on Thursday b/c I'm out tomorrow)

A friend of mine's father in law passed away a few years ago from lung cancer. He was a smoker for the majority of his life and never quit even after being diagnosed. Unlike most people when he got older he smoked cigars rather than cigarettes. I love the smell of cigars and even though I used to smoke I am not a big fan of smoking them. Cigars have a very distinct smoky sweet smell that people can smell from a long ways away.

A few months after her father-in-law passed away the family (her, husband, and two elementary school boys) came home for eating dinner out. They got out of their car in the garage and both the parents looked at each other because they could smell cigar smoke in the garage. They went into the house and it was filled with the smell of cigars. It wasn't smoky in any way and there was no one home. Due mostly in part to seeing the struggles of their father with cancer no one in the household was a smoker of any kind. Within an hour the smell vanished. It was as if someone sucked the smoke right out of the air. It has happened two other times since then. No reason or explanation that anyone can come up with other than grandpa came to visit.

Happy Friday!

Let's Talk About Sex Baby

**WARNING**- This is a post about sex. Not a nasty post but still about sex none the less. Parents, in-laws, sisters, and anyone else that feels uncomfortable reading about sex please disregard this post and tune in tomorrow to hear more about what my adorable children, hard working husband, etc, etc are up to and the random things that happen in our daily lives that you are used to reading about. You have been warned.


Yesterday I watched the recent episode of Oprah titled "The Secret Lives of Moms". It featured some of my favorite bloggy moms and other moms in the audience and talked about the things that moms don't talk about in the open. For 95% of the show I was cracking up, nodding my head, and sighing in relief that I wasn't the only person who went a week sometimes without bathing my children or that was less than perfect when it came to getting dinner on the table rather than a drive through.

However, for that last 5% I was in total disagreement and a little shocked to be honest. Every single mom that was interviewed on the show said that sex didn't happen very much (if at all) after they had children. More importantly these moms said that when it did happen it wasn't something they looked forward to but rather dreaded. I am not just talking about new mom's either. Some of these moms had 1 kid that were at least 5 years old.

REALLY?!?! I am shocked and this is not to be naive. I have talked to my girlfriends about this topic (not very often though) and when it does come up it seems like the pot is split right down the middle. Either the girls think sex with their husband is great and are comfortable with how often they have it or they dread it and beg it off as often as they can.

Every one agrees that sex is not only important but vital to a happy and thriving marriage. So this got me to thinking. Are we not the norm? I want to know how often you have sex and if you are married and/or have kids did it change then?

Bret and I have been together for 10 years and married for six. There have been times in our relationship were our sex life was better than others but overall we (I asked him last night after the show) would agree that it has gotten better..MUCH better. On average we have sex 3 times a week. That's an average so sometimes more sometimes less.

I get what these moms are saying...I really do. I am tired, I have two kids, and a husband who works at work way more than he works at home. However there are two things that have always stuck with me. You have to separate your feelings of resentment of how tired you are or how much you think they should be helping you more from your sexual feelings. Your partner doesn't understand that connection and it's not the right way to ask for help. We also try really hard to not say no. Even when you have a head ache or are really tired in the end you will be glad that you didn't. (My husband like to point out that the excess hormones actually work really well at relieving head aches).

Excuses are just that excuses. If a happy and healthy sex life is an important part of your marriage you will find time and the energy AND it can be awesome.

DREAM ACT

I am a pretty opinionated person. I have strong beliefs with regards to faith, politics, social issues, and many many other topics. Most of my beliefs are pretty controversial and I try really hard not alienate people. I was in debate in high school. In fact I was pretty good going to nationals twice and placing in the top 10 once. Needless to say there have been some issues that hit closer to home than other. Immigration is one of those issues and it has been recently in the news with new legislation that is very important to me being debated.

My mom is an immigrant to this country. She and my aunt came here years ago (30 to be exact) from Colombia South America. Three years ago this month my mom and my aunt took an oath and became naturalized citizens. Helping them with the application process was an experience I will never forget. To make a long story short even though we had no complications, lived in a very small state (immigration wise) her application when submitted was 26 pages long (copies of tax returns, children's birth certificates, the application itself, copy of marriage license, etc, etc), cost over $500, took 3 appointments (finger prints, written test, interview), and took a year from the time we submitted the application to when they scheduled her oath ceremony.

So the piece of legislation that I was referring to is called the Development Relief and Education for Alien Minors Act (DREAM Act). Essentially what this means is that an undocumented student would potentially have the opportunity to become a permanent resident without having to leave the US. In Kansas the DREAM act allows undocumented students that graduate from a Kansas high school to be granted in state tuition at any of the state colleges.

This does NOT mean that the student is eligible for federal aid. This is still really important because the cost of international tuition is much much higher than in state tuition and the student would have to go back to a country that they probably have never been to and apply for a student visa which could take years.

I have worked in financial aid for over 6 years. Some of these students had no idea that they were not a US citizen until they graduate from high school. They were brought over as infants and this deep family secret had no reason to be shared before then. It is heart breaking to see these kids who worked SO HARD have their dreams taken away. What would you do if your parents came to you as a senior in high school and tell you that you can't go to college unless you move to a country that you have never even visited. Everything you know would disappear. Who are we trying to punish here.

The arguments I have heard against this piece of legislation steams completely from ignorance. The fear that the US citizen kids would loose out to these illegal aliens when it comes to financial aid or scholarship money. This is not the case. If you look at the 10 states that have been allowing the DREAM act you can see that enrollment, average amount of scholarship dollars awarded, etc have not changed. This is not proposing the allowance of federal dollars either. In my opinion if an illegal alien has better grades, better essay, and better extra curricular activities then they deserve the scholarship money more anyways. Where you are born should not be determining factor. These students would be awarded similar dollars at most schools even without the dream act. The difference in what the family has to come up with is what is different.

Nothing frustrates me more than the impractical solutions that ignorant people come up with in dealing with immigration. Let's send them all home. Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea what that would do to our economy or how much that would cost? They take all of our jobs. Really? I don't see many people waiting in line to be migrant workers, meat packers, or any of the other thank less jobs they take on to support their families. They should have applied for a VISA and waited like everyone else. What would you do if you or your spouse got your VISA and could get a great job but the rest of your family and kids didn't? Would you wait the years (if ever) that it can sometimes take before moving your family out of a place that has no indoor plumbing, no jobs, and poor education systems?

So what is the answer if it's not those. I am not trying to argue amnesty here. I am saying that we have to be realistic. Bush (yes he did a few things that made sense) proposed and supported a piece of legislation that was a good starting point. He argued for a work to VISA program that allowed people who are already here to work towards and apply for permanent residence and eventually naturalization. Sending them home or trying to keep them out in the first place won't work. The system is broken and we need to take realistic looks at how to fix it. Congress and the White House knows this. It's the constituents (YES I mean you and me) that are the hold up. We are the ones that have these cave man ideas on how to handle the issues. Let's start with trying to figure out how to change the next generation by giving them an opportunity that we haven't figured how to give their parents. Let's take this vast resource we have right in front of us and nurture it and turn it into something that gives back.

High Rollers

This weekend Bret was off and we wanted to do something fun and decided to have a casino party. It was a blast. A few weeks ago we were shopping around for a gaming table. Not a free standing one but one that sat on a table. After looking EVERYWHERE we found one at K-mart. It was originally $60 marked down to $25. When we took it to the register we got it for $12. YEAH!

So here is how we set up the party. Babysitter...check, chips and cards...check, snacks...check, booze/water/beer...check....awesome casino party...check!

We had roulette, black jack, and BINGO. When people arrived they got $10,000 in chips. The minimum bet on everything was $100. We had separate roulette chips that you cashed in for quarters to bet on the inside. BINGO was $100 a card. At the end of the night you could use your chips to buy raffle tickets for $1000 each. If you ran out of money over the course of the evening you could deal Black Jack or call BINGO for $1000 a game up to $10,000. It was BYOB and we provided the snacks. For prizes Bret and I found a bunch of little gift cards that we had gotten for Christmas, giveaways, etc. for $5 to $10, a couple bottles of wine, a couple cigars, a movie that we had two of, the set of chips that came with the board that we didn't need, and a stuffed Easter bunny.

I think everyone had a really good time. We ended up having 12 people and most of them had NEVER been to a casino or even played anything but BINGO before. I had to tell you that it was a little over whelming at first trying to teach everyone how to play and bet. Black Jack was pretty easy but roulette is funny. The payouts are easy to remember but when you have 4-5 people playing at once and dropping a ton of money it can be a lot of work to payout. We were exhausted at the end of the evening but had a lot of fun.

Several people asked about poker and craps. The board we bought has a craps table inside of it. The problem once again is teaching people how to bet and paying them out. Bret and I know how to play craps and we have a decent understanding how to pay it out too. However, it's a game that we would need one night where that it all we played. It is too much to have several games to teach/play and have to teach people 3 or 4 different times cause not everyone plays at the same time. Poker is easy so we will have to do one of those nights too.

Several people have asked when we are going to do it again and we are probably going to soon. We told everyone that next time the buy in for the night is going to be a $5 to $10 door prize to raffle off at the end of the night.

Before you start to think that Bret and I are some high rollers let me explain. My parents live about 10 minutes from the Indian reservations in Kansas. They had casinos there but nothing like Las Vegas or even the river boats in Kansas City. During the week sometimes it would be really SLOW so they would have reduced minimum bet nights. Sometimes it would be quarter roulette or quarter craps night. Other nights it would $3 black jack, Let It Ride, or Caribbean Stud. They had Black Jack tournaments for $20 buy in. My parents were casino regulars and would always have bonus points saved up for free buffets or free nights at the casino. Bret and I would drive down sometimes and head to the casinos with my parents. Most of the time they would even give us $20 to spend. So with the casinos empty Bret and I learned out to play the tables with a reduced amount of money. The dealers weren't busy so they taught us how to play, how to bet, and what the pay outs were. On the slow nights there would be some high rollers that were regulars and they liked Bret and I and kind of taught us how they learned how to play. It was fun. Surprised? Most people are. They would never guess that this momma from KS could probably deal and pay out any game in a casino. Maybe it will be my next career (dealers make good money AND get good tips).

Oh the PAIN

Yesterday morning I dropped the kids off and headed to work like any other day. Once I got to work I started to not feel very good. I had some pain (like a dull throbbing pain) in my lower left area from the front all the way through to my back. Thinking that maybe I was having cramps I took some IB profen and tried to get busy working. The pain got increasingly worse although still just uncomfortable. I decided to page Bret twice. By the time he called back I was much worse to the point of tears. I described the pain to Bret and answered several of his questions. Dr. Heskett's over the phone diagnosis....kidney stones. Prescription: Drink LOTS of fluids, call my doctor to make an appointment, and continue to rotate Tylenol and IB profen every three hours.

So I called my OB (because what women actually has a primary care doctor and because it could be something to do with that area) and made an appointment. I tried to stick it out at work but decided that since the last three people I saw asked me if I was ok and if anything was wrong that I wasn't hiding my discomfort well enough so I headed home. I am really glad I left when I did because someone would have had to drive me home if I had waited.

By the time I was driving home tears were flowing because of the pain. Once home I thought that maybe if I laid down and watched a show I had DVR'd that maybe it would eventually go away. Not so. I drank until my eyes were floating in my head and writhed/paced/cried for 2 hours until finally I could tell that the pain was starting to lessen. A couple more trips to the bathroom (and more water) and it was gone. I felt like I had given birth with no baby to show for it.

Mind you that I have had surgery (albeit minor) 3 times, a c-section, and a regular delivery. I have a pretty high tolerance of pain because after all of these the most I took was extra strength Tylenol. This attack was by FAR the worst pain I have ever felt ever. Worse than gall stones, worse than getting out of bed the first time after my c-section, worse than the worst contractions while dilating to 9 without an epidural. It was AWFUL. So today I have CT scan to see if (God help me) there are any more waiting to come out or anything that they should be worried about (like if one might get stuck or something). The fear of going through this again is enough to keep me up at night. My only solace is to drink more fluids. The more fluids I drink the better chances of passing them more quickly, not developing them anymore, and most importantly passing them a little easier. Bret and I both agree that if it was him they would have to hospitalize him and sedate him. He would have died yesterday from the pain. Instead he felt bad and went to the store and bought me several jugs of cranberry juice (the mixed berry kind) and several other types of low sugar drinks (because I am not a big fan of water). The good news is that I hear beer works pretty well to so I plan to get that in this weekend too!

Freaky Friday

To participate write a raise the hair on the back of your neck post and link to this blog and leave a comment letting me know you participated.

In my first Freaky Friday post I told you about my cousin's little boy who talked to my grandpa (who is dead).

The little boy's parents (my cousins) were very neat people. They kept their house clean and taught the kids from an early age to keep their toys picked up. One day completely out of the bloom my cousin noticed that the little boy's trucks were out and all over the floor of his room early in the morning when she was getting him up and around for the day. Knowing that they had been put away from bed she figured he got up sometime in the night and wasn't sleepy and decided to play. It happened a few other times in the next week or so pretty sporadically but enough that she noticed it was happening regularly. She decided to ask the little boy what he was doing with his trucks in the middle of the night (mind you he is not yet 3 years old).

The little boy told his mom that GP came and visited him sometimes at night and he liked to play trucks with him. This being the first time that the mom had heard the little boy talk about GP she wasn't really sure what to say. She started to ask questions but like a Tupperware lid he snapped shut and didn't talk about it any more and moved on to a different topic. When she pressed a little further he told her he didn't know and again changed the subject. This was the start of the GP stories that the little boy told and it continued for about a year and then suddenly stopped.

Last Wishes

This past weekend when Bret and I was at the funeral I couldn't help but think about what would happen if Bret or I passed away. While morbid at first I am sure that I was not the only one whose thoughts floated to that area. Bret and I have talked some about what would happen before. I am not a fan of open casket funerals but Bret has flat out told me that a funeral isn't for the person who died but for their loved ones so that they can find closure. In the world of Bret this means that he gets to decide and he thinks open and if he dies then I get to decide. We have talked about (and legally had it written) what we want to happen to our children should anything happen to the both of us in the past.

During one of the songs that they sang "How Great Thou Art" Bret leaned over and said please make sure a guy sings at my funeral and I want this song and he listed three others that he liked. I laughed (on the inside of course) because I was just thinking the same thing. Albeit I was thinking that I wanted a gospel choir to sing at mine. Some of the most heart rendering songs that they sing at funerals just sound better with that soulful touch to them.

One thing that I will say is that although I know a lot of people feel uncomfortable in the Catholic church with all of their dogmas and traditions it gives me and Bret comfort. Our wedding felt like a wedding because it was during mass and it has the same things done and said that it has for 2000 years (for the most part) and same goes it with funerals. A long time ago my aunt asked me to speak at my grandmother's funeral whenever that should happen and I am very honored. I have already written what I want to say because it is important to me that I say everything right not be clouded by grief and not get it right. I have seen and heard a lot of people's wishes carried out at their funeral and I am always curious what is important to people. How they want to be remembered.