What I wish someone would have told me

So my dear friend Matt is going to be a dad in less than a week. He and his wife moved here recently and have not met a lot of people and don't have any family living in the area. On top of that they are having twins....Monday. As a new dad to be, Matt has expressed his fear of being a father and being able to survive parenthood. Although I was much younger (over 10 years) when I was going through this anxiety for this first time I think that there are some things that I had to figure out the hard way that I wish someone would have told me. So for that reason (and because I love to make fun lists) I have listed the top 10 things that I wish someone would have told me before becoming a mother. So Matt, take it or leave it, here is my unsolicited advice and and my faithful 6 readers will probably have something to add as well :)

1. Babies are resilient. When you first hold your newborn you think that they are the most fragile thing that you could ever hold. While I don't think that you should swing it around like a doll or anything (and definitely don't shake it) we have to remember that they were just born. That means that they either squeezed their way through a pelvis and out a not so big hole or a doctor and team of nurses just cut a hole open through an abdomen and pulled them out. Either way they are not as fragile as you think. I was so scared when I had my first that I (or more likely someone else) was going to drop her, or accidentally hit her head on something, or her little legs would get hurt from holding them out of the way when I changed their diapers. I wish someone would have told me to relax babies are made with pliable bones that are virtually incapable of breaking and that your natural instincts will kick into gear and will protect the baby. So breath when other people want to hold your babies and relax. (BTW Emily did drop Palmer when he was 6 months old b/c she was trying to pick him up and then worried that she would get caught so she just let him go...he was fine)

2. Since you have a girl and a boy I thought you should know that from birth they are completely different creatures. Watch out for the little sprinkler and be prepared for totally different personalities. There is something to said about boys being boys. Palmer has had a concussion, stitches, and a chipped tooth. He is only two. Emily faints if she gets a paper cut and lets hope she never sees blood. Even friends with twins say that the two couldn't be more different. Celebrate their differences.

3. Exhaustion has a new meaning after becoming a parent. You thought you knew what it was like to be tired. Not so. The first few weeks after you have a baby takes you to a whole new level of running on fumes. I like to think of this as a rite of passage. We have all been there and are able to look back with warm memories of falling asleep at the dinner table. Good luck with that and if you figure out a way to lesson it I expect a 10% royalty of the millions you would make.

4. Worry is your new middle name. You never thought that how many wet diapers would be something to concern yourself with, did they burp, are they eating enough, have they pooped often enough, are they warm enough, is the car seat secure, did that person wash their hands, what if they got a cold, how is daycare going to go, are they eating enough, are they sleeping enough? Then you worry about friends, are they learning at the right pace, do they say enough words, are they safe? My mom claims that it doesn't end and that she still worries about me and on top of it my kids now to. So remember to focus on the now. I like that kids seem to come with a natural guide. In the beginning they start you out easy with basic life necessities...eat, diapers, and sleep. Gradually you grow to safety..don't put that in your mouth, don't stick your finger in that, etc. Then into social growth like don't bite your friend, share, be nice to people. I will let you know as we continue into the unknown how it is going. I suggest Yo Gabba-Gabba for help on these issues.

5. Kids should fit into your life not the other way around. Actually someone did tell me this when I was pregnant with Emily and it was the best piece of advice I ever got. She had told me that you will NEVER get your life back if you don't make it a point to help a child adjust to yours. What she meant by this was if the baby is sleeping and you need to vacuum...do it. If you start out tiptoeing around when they are sleeping you will forever have to be quiet. If instead you teach your children to sleep regardless of the noise you will be forever grateful. Remember to take time out for yourself and for time alone with Dana and find something to talk about other than the kids. OK, who am I kidding Bret and I have a hard time talking about anything else too but we still try. Besides I know where you can find free babysitting :)

6. Schedule, schedule, schedule. From eating to bed time, routine and schedule is your best friend. I am sure that I could even pull studies from somewhere that show that kids do better when they know what to expect and have a schedule. Some days it will feel like a burden but most days it will be a relief even for you to know what to expect.

7. Make your own family traditions. Bret and I both came from families that had all kinds of weird traditions. We took some of his and some of mine and the worked really hard to make some of our own. Birthdays are a great example. What did you do to make it special and what will you do with your own kids?

8. There is no right or wrong way to parent (OK maybe the crazy people who hurt or abuse their kids are wrong but for the most part). You have your kids best intentions at heart and that is all that matters. Everything else will work itself out and you will make the right choices and decisions. What worked for one parent may not work for anyone else either.

9. Parenting is the easiest job in the world...kind of. Your job as a parent is love your child and take care of them. Although it is the most demanding and hard work you will ever do it is the easiest. Loving your child from the first moment is a piece of cake. You already do. Taking care of them is the next most natural thing. You want to keep them safe, you want to provide the very best, you want them to be happy and healthy so doing it is just a matter of making it happen.

10. You get to be kid all over again only better. Things like Valentine's day, Halloween, Easter, swimming, going for walks, baking cookies, reading books, playing with cars or dolls, playing with playdoh, vacations, camping, and so many many more things are all new and you get to experience it for the first time through their eyes. There is no greater joy. The excitement and pride and memories are ecstasy.

Best wishes to you and Dana and don't forget that we are here and are willing/able to help.

SNOW DAY!

Although there are many things that I love about working in higher education one of the top three is that sometimes we get snow days. Yesterday was such a day. It is like being a kid all over again. Walking up early to watch the news and then finding out that you get to go back to bed. AWESOME. It' s not just that you get an extra day off from work but the everything that goes into it too. It is a day to stay home in your PJ's and just bum. Too yucky to go anywhere.

So yesterday me and the two kids made a big breakfast (waffles..yum), went outside to play in the snow, drank hot chocolate with marshmallows, played board games, watched a movie, and made cookies. How perfect of a day is that? These are the same things I did as a kid when we had snow days too. Yes the house could be cleaned and laundry could be done. I have a ton of thank you cards to write and I could always find a million other things that NEED to be done. On snow days though we just hang out and spend time together.

Say Cheese

The school I work at has this campaign going on called "faces". Essentially what they are trying to do is show that they are a small and intimate campus. We want new students to feel like they know the people who work here. So to help with this process we have pictures of our staff and students EVERYWHERE. They are on our website, on posters, and around campus. We even have our pictures posted outside our office doors next to our name. I LOVE this idea. I think it is neat that we have awesome pictures of people everywhere. The downside is that I too have to have my picture taken and posted.

The good news is that one of our best history teachers is also a photographer on the side. So every week he has a couple of hours set up to stop by and have your picture taken. I have seen so many people's pictures turn out awesome. In fact I haven't really seen a bad picture of anyone yet. So last week I was told that I could delay the inevitable no more. In the past he had been set up for pictures on Tuesday so I planned to have my picture taken that day. I had my hair fixed super cute and wore one of my favorite outfits. Except he didn't send out his email stating where he was going to be that day. I figured oh well maybe next week. The next day we got the email. My hair was not as fabulous and I was not thrilled with what I had on. The response from my boss was that if I didn't like the pictures I could get them retaken as many times as I wanted to later. For now I must go and get it over with. So I went and here is the results. They are OK. I do plan to go back b/c in all it took less than 10 minutes and it was kind of fun. Just one of the many perks of working in higher education (it is definitely not the pay).

Work Family

One of the hardest things for me to leave behind in KS was my job. I had a boss that I liked, staff that I could live with, and a great work family. I call my friends at work my work family because if you think about it you spend just as much time with these people as you do your own family. You love them you hate them, you can depend on them (for an ear to chew, for a good laugh, or just a break from the norm). At WSU my work hubs was the hardest to leave. Now don't get me wrong I adored my work hub but we were just friends...besties. We would go to lunch regularly and bitch about the people we worked with, the students, our families, and life in general. It was so different than talking about work with Bret b/c work hub got it and wanted to dish/talk about everything just as much as I did. My work mom was my boss and sometimes an older counselor who thought she was everyone's mom. I cried when I called my work mom to tell her I was leaving and she cried right with me just like a good mom does. She taught me how to show compassion and still manage that employee/boss relationship with professionalism. My work brother was our IT guy that dreamed about his glory days. Made lewd jokes and comments that was even funnier b/c he trusted me enough to know that I would never take offense. Leaving these people behind was really tough and I was worried that I would never find something to fill that void.



But then...a few weeks ago I met some new friends. After only a few lunches I am sure that this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. More than anything else I tend to laugh more than ever when hanging out with this group. Mind you that part of the ironic funniness of this friendship is that are all very VERY different people. Here is a little rundown of my new buds.



IOS Library guy- IOS guy is funny, very intelligent, and is a 30 something that still fits into the college guy setting. He is married to his college sweet heart (who teaches at Univ of Penn) and has no pets or children. Going along with the fact that he has a MLS he also lives up to his nerdy assumptions as he was a WOW player, loves HEROS, and knows a lot of what some would call useless information. A great lunch partner any day b/c he has a lot to say and comes up the most interesting topics. He is also Buddhist, from the upper East coast, and a vegetarian.



Funny, successful mom that looks killer for any age let alone hers- Funny mom has a teenager and another one that is almost a teenager. When she first told me that she was no longer a member of the 30's club I was shocked. She looks great and has a very simple sense of fashion. She has lived all over the country, owned her own business, and is now the director of the fund. Funny mom adds to our group a different perspective and she gives me hope that you can be a great mom, have a good marriage, and a successful career. It also nice to have another girl around.

Artsy guy w/cool glasses- Artsy guy is in charge of the art studio, theatre, and other community activity things that our college does (Director for the center of the arts). He is also married and his wife is prego w/twins. She is also a professor somewhere in NY where they used to live. After she finishes her semester she is moving here and is due shortly thereafter. Wow, that is pretty hectic. In the meantime artsy guy is here on his own living in a tiny apt w/no furniture. He adds a lot of humor, culture, and dynamic to our group.

I think it is funny that all three of these individuals are as desperate as I am for friends and a social outlet at work. I find myself wondering what they are doing for lunch but don't want to seem so desperate and then I get 3 emails with the same question. It helps make the day go faster to meet them for an hour and forget about what is going on back at the office. It has also made me more aware of other areas in the college and appreciate the school as a whole more. IF nothing else I get a good laugh out just about everyday from the jokes they email or something they said at lunch. It is nice to find something I thought I had lost. Don't worry WSU hubs you can never be replaced though. Even though you said that your pocket book and waist don't miss our lunches I know that you do!