It has been so long since I wrote on here that I almost forgot the website to log on.  That is terrible.  Logan is now going to preschool three days a week and both he and Easton go to a mom's day out program for half a day on Fridays.  I am once again starting to find myself with time without the kids.  Next year Logan will go to all day kindergarten and it will just be me and Easton.

Sometimes when I hear "mom" ten thousand times a day and I am cleaning up the 50th mess of the day I can't wait.  Other days I think about how all too soon all of my babies will be in school and then what.

As a stay at home mom the questions about what we are going to do with ourselves once all of our kids go back to school come flying from all directions.  In fairness I remember when I first contemplated staying home at all and thought surely it would be temporary because what would I do with myself once they were all in school for the majority of the day.

It is a trying question to answer for myself more than for everyone else.  I am lucky in that my husband wants me to be happy no matter what I decide to do and because we are financially stable enough that me working is not a necessity either.  I know what a blessing both of those things are.  It does open up possibilities that feel daunting.  What do I want to do?

For now I wait and hope for inspiration and focus on the present.  I have started writing a novel again and have a close friend with writing ambitions also.  Everything that I have read said that even if you are not working on your book you should still be writing everyday.  Remember when I used to do that?  Yeah, me to.




It has been a long time since I have written here.  Seems kind of crazy because I have written a million posts in my head.  I feel like something is missing when I stop writing.  So here is a quick recap of what has been happening in my life lately and hopefully I will be back here much more regularly.

  • We are moved into the new house!  We have all been super sick with the worst summer cold we have ever had.  Moving when you are sick is not recommended but we are pushing through.  We have been living in the house for a week now and although there are still plenty of boxes we are starting to settle in and we are pinching ourselves because this really is our dream.
  • Bret and I celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary and went to Mexico with friends.  We had an amazing time and got lots of R&R by the beach.  Minus a little gastro issues and family drama it was the best trip.
  • The kids are all doing great and keeping busy with swim team, golf, and swimming lessons.  I feel like our summer is flying by way to fast.  The oldest two kids made a summer bucket list and now that we are starting to settle into the new house I am ready to start tackling that list!  However, I have thoroughly enjoyed our lazy afternoons at the pool.
  • MY SIL is expecting her second baby next month and I cannot wait.
  • I am feeling itchy about getting my new craft room up and going and starting some fun new projects.
  • I am taking a cooking class this whole summer that my husband bought me at a fundraiser.  I have loved it so far and am learning a lot.  My last class we learned how to make our own hollandaise sauce and pouched eggs to make eggs benedict.  It was hard but fun.
  • I have started to say no much more often to volunteer opportunities.  Last year I really started to feel very stretched and it was not fun anymore and taking time away from my family.  I have truly committed to a few events/organizations and want to take more time for the kids and myself.  I feel good about this but selfish at the same time.  It is hard to make this transition but very necessary.

That is pretty much catching you up to date.  I have a few back posts that I want to write (like Palmer's birthday, etc) and some posts about the house and our trip.  Feels good to have a post written.  Sometimes the beginning is the hardest part.


Happy New Year!

Last year at this time I really set my goals for the year to focus on faith, family, friends, and fun.  I think that I accomplished that a lot.  However I am surprised in how much these focuses centered around just me.  I feel like 2013 was year of personal growth for me in way I have never experience before.

I started doing more volunteering with my church and really spent some personal time praying the rosary and just praying in general.  I made God and faith a big priority in my personal life and I cannot begin to tell you the joy and peace this has brought to me.  I feel a hunger for my faith that is completely new and I am excited to continue my growth.  As I continue on my own personal journey I can see in my husband and children their understanding and support.  The kids are excited and are learning right along with me.  Bret is still more supportive of me rather than wanting to move on his own growth in his personal faith.  That is OK for now I will continue to pray for him and drag him along with me as I go.

Beside faith my health has become a bigger priority both physically and mentally.  While I added a lot of new things in some areas I started cutting other things out.  I said no to some volunteer activities and choose to spend more time at home with my kids.  They are young for such a short time that I want to spend every moment I can with them.  I feel less stressed when I give myself more time to clean up the house, cook meals, do laundry, and even the simple things like play with my kids and read to them more.  I am happier with these changes.

Each year has been different and some years I was ready to see go.  2013 was a good year.  We started building our house, took a trip just the two of us, and spent a lot of time as a family enjoying life.  We are so blessed to be healthy and I hope that 2014 is a great year too.

When I think about my goals for 2014 I think I want to focus on just a couple things.  I want to continue my personal growth and hope to be more generous to Bret with time and opportunites for him to experience this for himself too.  Personally I want to work on being humble and having more patience.  Neither of these two things are easy for me but I am hoping that trying to focus on them more and having them as personal goals will help and each tiny step is still a step in the right direction. 

Happy New Year!


Recently I celebrated my 33 birthday.  When I think about this past year I think about how truly blessed I am.  I am so humbled to have been given the amazing gifts from God in my children, husband, family, and friends.

Last week we all had a terrible stomach virus.  It ran through one kid at a time and on Wednesday night I finally got it bad.  I was up sick all night and Thursday morning I ran between the bathroom and trying to get my kids up and around for school.  Sometimes when my kids need me the most like when they are really sick and they just want their mom to hold them I feel most humbled to be their mom.  To know that you are so loved and needed is just such an honor that I sometimes forget.  Palmer sat outside the door when I was getting sick and was really worried.  He was worried first about me and if I was OK but also about who was going to take him to school.  Logan took care of me all day bringing me water and crackers and asking me how I felt a million times.  Each one of my children is so different from each other and they are each so very loved. 

My husband and partner in crime is my greatest blessing.  So much of who my children are come from him.  We first started dating when I was 19.  At the time so many people told us how young we were.  So young to get married and even so young to start a family at 23.  They were right we were so young and looking back I can see that now.  However all these years later we love each other more than ever and even though we have had to grow up a lot together I could not choose anyone better to do so with.

We always knew that we would move home to Kansas when Bret finished residency.  We are so close to our family and knew that we wanted the same for our kids.  Having both of my parents so close by is such a gift.  My kids miss my mom like crazy when they go longer than a week without seeing her.  My sister and I are closer than ever and we are so thrilled that our kids are so close also. 

They tell you that when you get married that it is important to have couple friends and to have friends period.  When we moved to PA it was hard to make friends and we often times felt very alone.  My favorite thing about living here in KS is the friends we have made.  We have so much fun with them and they are such a great support.  It was amazing when I had Easton that our church and community brought us meals for a month.  I have friends that I know I could call at a moments notice and they would pick up my kids or watch them for me or help with however I might need it.  You know they are real friends when they feel the same way and have called me for help to.  It is such a strong community here and we feel so very blessed to be a part of it.



Happy 4th Birthday Logan!

Logan Blaine Heskett,

You turned 4 years old on January 5th.  I am a few days late writing this but since you decided to be born a few days late I figure you owe me.  This year was probably the first year that you really understood what a birthday is all about.  You were so excited to have your birthday party and your cake.  It really melted this mama's heart when I asked you what your favorite part about your birthday was and you said your cake and then you said no I change my mind...it was the cake pops.  Love it!

Out of all of our kids you are the funniest.  You say things to make your dad and I laugh everyday.  In fact one of the things we talk about at the end of our day when all of you kids are in bed are the funny things you said that day.

You have a big heart and you love your siblings.  Someone once told me that they were afraid to have another kid because they knew without a doubt that they could never something as much as they love their one child.  It is only when you have another child that you truly understand that love for your children is infinite.  There is no dividing our love between you and your siblings.  On the other hand it is when you see your child interact and be a sibling to each other that you truly understand what a gift they are to each other.

You and Emily are an "on demand" basis.  You guys like each other when you feel inclined or when you need each other.  You and Palmer are best buds.  You fight more than any of the other kids with each other buy you two are inseparable.  When you take a nap Palmer "waits" until I tell him it is OK to wake you up.  Likewise you know when it is time to go pick him up from school and can't wait.  I love listening to you and Palmer with your epic battle story lines and you both love to make each other laugh.  You two will be friends for life and that is such a gift.

Easton and you are just now starting to interact a lot.  He is now in the stage of wanting to be where you are and play with what you are playing with and sometimes that drives you crazy.  It is hard to share your snack and your toys.  On the other hand you always ask for an extra sticker or sucker so you can share with him.  One time I went to pick you up and had left Easton with dad.  When we left the car with no Easton the look of panic as you reminded me about getting him was priceless.  Your loyalty and the way to you tell everyone that you have one sister and two brothers is clear that it is very important to you.

You are the most stubborn, hard headed, and ornery kid I know.  You are also one of a kind and we love you so much.  I hope that year four is a great one for you.  Yesterday as we laid in your bed reading the 5th book (that of course you knew every word by heart because we read them over and over again) I said prayer of thanks because you are such a gift and I am so thankful that I get to spend so much time with you at home before you grow up.

As much as I wish I could say that you were a mama's boy you are not.  You are your dad's kid through and through.  You love to be outside, to ride the 4 wheeler or razor for hours, go fishing, camping, and get dirty.  You love just hanging out with your dad and of course riding in his truck.  As close as you and dad are you are almost more adoring of your grandfather.  You and grandpa are close buddies and do everything from read books/take naps together to spending countless time in the mountains of Colorado.  You would go for weeks with him before you would miss home and I am thankful that you have such a haven and special relationship with him.

We love you so much and wish you the best birthday yet!




House Update

The house is coming a long.  I really thought I that I would feel like it was taking forever and that nothing was happing but I have not.  In fact if it all went a lot faster I am not sure we could keep up.  We have been picking out a lot of the details lately...things like doors, garage doors, light fixtures, cabinets, and flooring.  Some things are easy to pick out (doors) and some are really hard (staircase pieces).  Some things we agree on easily (kitchen cabinets) and some things we really are on opposite sides of the room (lighting fixtures of all things).  Overall we have learned to be patient with each other and to communicate better.  For example instead of saying that is really awful or I hate that when the other person shows something they like we try to use our word and say things like I think something smaller/less modern/etc would look better or I like the color but I really want something a little more country or whatever.  Remembering this has helped us work through our difference in tastes without hurting each other's feelings.  We have also learned that sometimes we need to walk away from a decision and come back to it. 

We spent two hours in the house with the electrician the other day going room to room deciding on outlet and light switch placement.  This meant talking about what types/locations of light fixtures and it was a lot of decision making and thinking ahead all at once.  At one point we were "discussing" toe lights on the stairs and out of the blue Bret and I were in total disagreement.  I saw myself getting frustrated and short in patience so I decided to take a break and go check on the little boys watching a moving in the car.  Just those few moments outside and away gave me a break to think and calm down.  When I got back we found an easy compromise and moved on.

We still have a long way to go but we love our house and can't wait to move in.


  Side with the garage



Bret and I have this running joke between the two of us where we tell each other that we have TOO MANY KIDS!  We laugh because we would never trade a single one of them for the world and there are many in society and in our lives that feel that we really do have to many kids.  In fact you would be amazed at the comments we get from people about how many kids we have and if we are going to have any more.  That is for a different post though.

Anyway Halloween was definitely one of those nights where we were joking about having too many kids.  The night before Halloween was pure chaos at our home trying to get everyone around for a Halloween party at my dad's nursing home.  I picked the kids up from school and we rushed home to work on homework, practice the piano, and an early dinner because the Halloween party (with candy, cupcakes, punch, etc) was from 6-7:30...prime dinner time. 2 and 1/2 hours goes by in a flash when you also through in getting four kids dressed in Halloween costumes and make up.

The party was fun and the kids looked great.  As I put zombie make up on Emily I was struck by the thought (and was a little sad) that gone are the days of princess, fairies, and butterflies from our home.  Now we have ninjas, Power Rangers, knights, super hero's, monsters, etc.

To both Bret and I the joy of Halloween is in the dressing up and becoming whatever your heart desires.  As we shopped for costumes (try making 4 costumes...yeah right!) I was struck by how many costumes for Emily's age were sexy!  Either they were really babyish (think Disney princess) or sexy (like the baby costumes for lady bugs, witches, etc only with super short skirts, fish net stockings, etc).  So we went the scary route.  I would rather have a little gore than sexy for my nine year old. 

For Halloween trick or treating we went by our new house and hung out with our friends and soon to be neighbors.  We loaded everyone up on golf carts and quickly realized this was the way to go.  It was fun and we had a ton of candy within a short period of time.  We had a great night and the kids had a blast.  Hope you had a good Halloween too!