So my dear friend Matt is going to be a dad in less than a week. He and his wife moved here recently and have not met a lot of people and don't have any family living in the area. On top of that they are having twins....Monday. As a new dad to be, Matt has expressed his fear of being a father and being able to survive parenthood. Although I was much younger (over 10 years) when I was going through this anxiety for this first time I think that there are some things that I had to figure out the hard way that I wish someone would have told me. So for that reason (and because I love to make fun lists) I have listed the top 10 things that I wish someone would have told me before becoming a mother. So Matt, take it or leave it, here is my unsolicited advice and and my faithful 6 readers will probably have something to add as well :)
1. Babies are resilient. When you first hold your newborn you think that they are the most fragile thing that you could ever hold. While I don't think that you should swing it around like a doll or anything (and definitely don't shake it) we have to remember that they were just born. That means that they either squeezed their way through a pelvis and out a not so big hole or a doctor and team of nurses just cut a hole open through an abdomen and pulled them out. Either way they are not as fragile as you think. I was so scared when I had my first that I (or more likely someone else) was going to drop her, or accidentally hit her head on something, or her little legs would get hurt from holding them out of the way when I changed their diapers. I wish someone would have told me to relax babies are made with pliable bones that are virtually incapable of breaking and that your natural instincts will kick into gear and will protect the baby. So breath when other people want to hold your babies and relax. (BTW Emily did drop Palmer when he was 6 months old b/c she was trying to pick him up and then worried that she would get caught so she just let him go...he was fine)
2. Since you have a girl and a boy I thought you should know that from birth they are completely different creatures. Watch out for the little sprinkler and be prepared for totally different personalities. There is something to said about boys being boys. Palmer has had a concussion, stitches, and a chipped tooth. He is only two. Emily faints if she gets a paper cut and lets hope she never sees blood. Even friends with twins say that the two couldn't be more different. Celebrate their differences.
3. Exhaustion has a new meaning after becoming a parent. You thought you knew what it was like to be tired. Not so. The first few weeks after you have a baby takes you to a whole new level of running on fumes. I like to think of this as a rite of passage. We have all been there and are able to look back with warm memories of falling asleep at the dinner table. Good luck with that and if you figure out a way to lesson it I expect a 10% royalty of the millions you would make.
4. Worry is your new middle name. You never thought that how many wet diapers would be something to concern yourself with, did they burp, are they eating enough, have they pooped often enough, are they warm enough, is the car seat secure, did that person wash their hands, what if they got a cold, how is daycare going to go, are they eating enough, are they sleeping enough? Then you worry about friends, are they learning at the right pace, do they say enough words, are they safe? My mom claims that it doesn't end and that she still worries about me and on top of it my kids now to. So remember to focus on the now. I like that kids seem to come with a natural guide. In the beginning they start you out easy with basic life necessities...eat, diapers, and sleep. Gradually you grow to safety..don't put that in your mouth, don't stick your finger in that, etc. Then into social growth like don't bite your friend, share, be nice to people. I will let you know as we continue into the unknown how it is going. I suggest Yo Gabba-Gabba for help on these issues.
5. Kids should fit into your life not the other way around. Actually someone did tell me this when I was pregnant with Emily and it was the best piece of advice I ever got. She had told me that you will NEVER get your life back if you don't make it a point to help a child adjust to yours. What she meant by this was if the baby is sleeping and you need to vacuum...do it. If you start out tiptoeing around when they are sleeping you will forever have to be quiet. If instead you teach your children to sleep regardless of the noise you will be forever grateful. Remember to take time out for yourself and for time alone with Dana and find something to talk about other than the kids. OK, who am I kidding Bret and I have a hard time talking about anything else too but we still try. Besides I know where you can find free babysitting :)
6. Schedule, schedule, schedule. From eating to bed time, routine and schedule is your best friend. I am sure that I could even pull studies from somewhere that show that kids do better when they know what to expect and have a schedule. Some days it will feel like a burden but most days it will be a relief even for you to know what to expect.
7. Make your own family traditions. Bret and I both came from families that had all kinds of weird traditions. We took some of his and some of mine and the worked really hard to make some of our own. Birthdays are a great example. What did you do to make it special and what will you do with your own kids?
8. There is no right or wrong way to parent (OK maybe the crazy people who hurt or abuse their kids are wrong but for the most part). You have your kids best intentions at heart and that is all that matters. Everything else will work itself out and you will make the right choices and decisions. What worked for one parent may not work for anyone else either.
9. Parenting is the easiest job in the world...kind of. Your job as a parent is love your child and take care of them. Although it is the most demanding and hard work you will ever do it is the easiest. Loving your child from the first moment is a piece of cake. You already do. Taking care of them is the next most natural thing. You want to keep them safe, you want to provide the very best, you want them to be happy and healthy so doing it is just a matter of making it happen.
10. You get to be kid all over again only better. Things like Valentine's day, Halloween, Easter, swimming, going for walks, baking cookies, reading books, playing with cars or dolls, playing with playdoh, vacations, camping, and so many many more things are all new and you get to experience it for the first time through their eyes. There is no greater joy. The excitement and pride and memories are ecstasy.
Best wishes to you and Dana and don't forget that we are here and are willing/able to help.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
2.11.2009
12.12.2008
The Thank-you I never got to say
Facebook is something that is both great and awful in many ways. It is great because it puts in touch with friends (old and new), family, and people that you kind of new but don't necessarily dislike so don't mind simply "being their friend". I love getting in touch with old friends and catching up on their lives. I find it fascinating to see how/what they are doing. I also love the simple way you can now stay connected with birthday wishes, reading their notes, and just getting hourly updates on what they are doing at the moment you log on. On the other hand sometimes those thoughts remind you of some that you thought you buried a long time ago. I thought long and hard about whether I would even go "there" on my blog since so many have already done so much of a better job "remembering" and then I realized that I have NEVER told anyone about a person and a situation that changed me. So unless you knew me in high school or are part of my immediate family you have no idea what I am talking about.
High school was not a bright part of my life. I had friends, I did ok in school, and I for the most part stayed out of trouble. I was not into sports and no other extra curricular activities except debate and forensics. I loved debate. I found out that I was a competitor by nature and that I had a gift of gab. I enjoyed the research, the hob knobbing, and kicking the crap out of other teams. Debate is not a stand alone activity..you have a team and most importantly you have a colleague. My colleague was Nik. We were nothing a like. He was popular, had money, was an only child, and much smarter than me (but not a better debater). We made a good team. Our coach had decided from day one that we were a good fit. Judges like the guy/girl combo (guys goof off and two girls just seem to get too bitchy). We were not the best team out there by far but we medaled several times and qualified for state. We were both heat broken that we didn't qualify for nationals but both felt confident we could make it one last time in forensics that spring. We spent a lot of time on the bus, at school, at our homes, at camp, and at tournaments. We went to Baltimore together for Nationals and had a blast. He was one of those all around good guys that everyone just liked. We drove each other crazy, laughed a lot, and had what at 18 some would consider "deep" conversations about life, politics, and religion...and always always coffee and P & A. He even helped me on Christmas Eve use my new espresso machine that I had no idea what to do with. We were friends...not best friends..but friends..and debate colleagues.
Our senior year Nik and I were tournament chairs for our forensics tournament that is always scheduled the first weekend of the season. We had stayed after school briefly to work on judges lists on Feb 1, 1999 and said "see you tomorrow". That night I got a call that Nik had killed himself. To this day I am still not really sure what happened or why it all happened. Over the years I have convinced myself that there were signs that we all missed and then I convince myself that there were no signs. Finally I realize it doesn't matter.
Two weeks later I heard a gun go off next door and saw the cops and an ambulance pull up moments afterwards. My neighbor's son had shot himself. It took me a while to lose the fear that everyone was going to die. I know that eventually everyone is going to die but that fear that one day you see them and the next you don't ever again is much different that when someone dies because they are sick.
What I learned is a very important lesson in life at a very young age. Life is very precious and something that should not be wasted. I live everyday of my life to the fullest and like there was no tomorrow...no regrets. I went to college, got married, got my MBA, and had two beautiful children. I thirst to experience everything that is good in this world because there is so much of it. While I can also say that some very very bad things have happened along the way I have never lost sight of how my life is a gift that I will never take for granted. Nik's passing lighted a fire under me that has never burned out. A few years ago our debate coach passed and I remember that when everything with Nik happened how hard it was for him. He pulled me aside and using one of his classic lines he said "Harnish don't be dumb" life will get better than this and he was right.
I still talk to Nik's parents. They are good people who have had a hard life. They inspire me in how they have turned such an awful and hard situation into something that will help others. They generously fund a scholarship that pays the same amount for four years to a graduating senior and have done so for almost ten years now. My sister was a recipient of this award and it helped her pay for school to become a teacher. They also sponsor a fine arts scholarship at the high school as well. When Nik died they took part of his college savings and divided it among his closest friends. When they gave us the money they told us to remember Nik and to work in our lives to touch others the way he touched our lives. I took this to heart and have always tried to be the friend he was to me.
Yesterday was his birthday and although I never forget the day he passed I didn't remember yesterday until I saw other friends' posts on facebook. If he were still alive today we would probably be friends on facebook. Instead we remember and for me remembering means saying thank you. My life is fuller and more rich because of the lessons I learned from you.
High school was not a bright part of my life. I had friends, I did ok in school, and I for the most part stayed out of trouble. I was not into sports and no other extra curricular activities except debate and forensics. I loved debate. I found out that I was a competitor by nature and that I had a gift of gab. I enjoyed the research, the hob knobbing, and kicking the crap out of other teams. Debate is not a stand alone activity..you have a team and most importantly you have a colleague. My colleague was Nik. We were nothing a like. He was popular, had money, was an only child, and much smarter than me (but not a better debater). We made a good team. Our coach had decided from day one that we were a good fit. Judges like the guy/girl combo (guys goof off and two girls just seem to get too bitchy). We were not the best team out there by far but we medaled several times and qualified for state. We were both heat broken that we didn't qualify for nationals but both felt confident we could make it one last time in forensics that spring. We spent a lot of time on the bus, at school, at our homes, at camp, and at tournaments. We went to Baltimore together for Nationals and had a blast. He was one of those all around good guys that everyone just liked. We drove each other crazy, laughed a lot, and had what at 18 some would consider "deep" conversations about life, politics, and religion...and always always coffee and P & A. He even helped me on Christmas Eve use my new espresso machine that I had no idea what to do with. We were friends...not best friends..but friends..and debate colleagues.
Our senior year Nik and I were tournament chairs for our forensics tournament that is always scheduled the first weekend of the season. We had stayed after school briefly to work on judges lists on Feb 1, 1999 and said "see you tomorrow". That night I got a call that Nik had killed himself. To this day I am still not really sure what happened or why it all happened. Over the years I have convinced myself that there were signs that we all missed and then I convince myself that there were no signs. Finally I realize it doesn't matter.
Two weeks later I heard a gun go off next door and saw the cops and an ambulance pull up moments afterwards. My neighbor's son had shot himself. It took me a while to lose the fear that everyone was going to die. I know that eventually everyone is going to die but that fear that one day you see them and the next you don't ever again is much different that when someone dies because they are sick.
What I learned is a very important lesson in life at a very young age. Life is very precious and something that should not be wasted. I live everyday of my life to the fullest and like there was no tomorrow...no regrets. I went to college, got married, got my MBA, and had two beautiful children. I thirst to experience everything that is good in this world because there is so much of it. While I can also say that some very very bad things have happened along the way I have never lost sight of how my life is a gift that I will never take for granted. Nik's passing lighted a fire under me that has never burned out. A few years ago our debate coach passed and I remember that when everything with Nik happened how hard it was for him. He pulled me aside and using one of his classic lines he said "Harnish don't be dumb" life will get better than this and he was right.
I still talk to Nik's parents. They are good people who have had a hard life. They inspire me in how they have turned such an awful and hard situation into something that will help others. They generously fund a scholarship that pays the same amount for four years to a graduating senior and have done so for almost ten years now. My sister was a recipient of this award and it helped her pay for school to become a teacher. They also sponsor a fine arts scholarship at the high school as well. When Nik died they took part of his college savings and divided it among his closest friends. When they gave us the money they told us to remember Nik and to work in our lives to touch others the way he touched our lives. I took this to heart and have always tried to be the friend he was to me.
Yesterday was his birthday and although I never forget the day he passed I didn't remember yesterday until I saw other friends' posts on facebook. If he were still alive today we would probably be friends on facebook. Instead we remember and for me remembering means saying thank you. My life is fuller and more rich because of the lessons I learned from you.
12.10.2008
My Christmas List
So last night after a long dinner with candidates hubs and I were hanging out watching TV while he played with his new iphone. I brought up the topic of what we are going to get each other for xmas...
Me: "Have you come up with anything else that you want for Christmas?"
Bret: "No"
Me: "Umm, your mom, my sister, dad, etc are all asking and I am not sure what to tell them..I am having a hard enough time coming up with things for me to get you"
Bret: "There isn't anything I want"
Me thinking to myself: "wow it must be nice to have everything you have ever wanted in life...maybe we should add a couple of the things that I want (like a Dyson, a new kitchen table and chairs, that new wok that I want, etc, etc, etc) that are really more for the both of us to your list so that I can get EVERYTHING that I want"
Me: "Well, do you want to know what I want?"
Bret: "No"
Me: "Are you going to get me anything?"
Bret: "I will figure something out...I got you a birthday present didn't I?"
And just like that he has ended the discussion for the night. Can we say frustrating???
It's not that my husband is a Scrooge or anything he just is a last minute procrastinator that I have spoiled with taking care of EVERYTHING for Christmas. I make lists and more lists. I go out on BF for savings and I plan. I buy every single gift except for mine. On the way to our families house he usually asks...so what did we get so and so? It is his brief update so that he can be in the moment when they open the perfect gift that "we" got them. Don't get me wrong I have no one to blame but myself. I love Christmas and the shopping and really I don't mind getting everyone's presents. I usually make his sit down and have a similar conversation when it comes to determining what to get the kids. He usually has a suggestion of something to get them that I hadn't thought about otherwise he just lets me get what I want for them.
Last year was pretty funny. I went shopping with a friend of mine that is also a resident. We were in a really fancy kitchen store and I saw the most awesome salt and pepper mills. They were Tangerine colored(yes my kitchen has tangerine in it...it all started with a Kitchen aid mixer that I got as a gift). When I picked them up though I almost passed out because of the price. Who knew that something so small could be so expensive? I mentioned to my friend that I loved them but that Bret would have a cow over the price for something so simple. Low and behold since he waited till the last minute he asked this friend if there was anything she knew of that I wanted and what did she tell him??? I got the mills and was shocked. (I still love them by the way.)
With my parents we made a list every year...we still do and we got exactly what we asked for with a few small things thrown in for good measure. Today I send my dad links and literally he just orders them from my email. Bret's family is not that way. They will get you one or two of the things you ask for and then everything else are things that they got for you that they thought you would like. For the first few years I got gift cards. After we were married Bret's mom slowly started to buy actual gifts. I haven't gotten a gift cards in over five years. It is fun to open their gifts b/c you never know what you are going to get and sometimes it is just perfect and you would have never guessed. The flip side of this coin is that they don't really tell you what they want either. SO I have to get on board and try to figure out things to get them when all I really want is their list so I can go out and get it.
Me: "Have you come up with anything else that you want for Christmas?"
Bret: "No"
Me: "Umm, your mom, my sister, dad, etc are all asking and I am not sure what to tell them..I am having a hard enough time coming up with things for me to get you"
Bret: "There isn't anything I want"
Me thinking to myself: "wow it must be nice to have everything you have ever wanted in life...maybe we should add a couple of the things that I want (like a Dyson, a new kitchen table and chairs, that new wok that I want, etc, etc, etc) that are really more for the both of us to your list so that I can get EVERYTHING that I want"
Me: "Well, do you want to know what I want?"
Bret: "No"
Me: "Are you going to get me anything?"
Bret: "I will figure something out...I got you a birthday present didn't I?"
And just like that he has ended the discussion for the night. Can we say frustrating???
It's not that my husband is a Scrooge or anything he just is a last minute procrastinator that I have spoiled with taking care of EVERYTHING for Christmas. I make lists and more lists. I go out on BF for savings and I plan. I buy every single gift except for mine. On the way to our families house he usually asks...so what did we get so and so? It is his brief update so that he can be in the moment when they open the perfect gift that "we" got them. Don't get me wrong I have no one to blame but myself. I love Christmas and the shopping and really I don't mind getting everyone's presents. I usually make his sit down and have a similar conversation when it comes to determining what to get the kids. He usually has a suggestion of something to get them that I hadn't thought about otherwise he just lets me get what I want for them.
Last year was pretty funny. I went shopping with a friend of mine that is also a resident. We were in a really fancy kitchen store and I saw the most awesome salt and pepper mills. They were Tangerine colored(yes my kitchen has tangerine in it...it all started with a Kitchen aid mixer that I got as a gift). When I picked them up though I almost passed out because of the price. Who knew that something so small could be so expensive? I mentioned to my friend that I loved them but that Bret would have a cow over the price for something so simple. Low and behold since he waited till the last minute he asked this friend if there was anything she knew of that I wanted and what did she tell him??? I got the mills and was shocked. (I still love them by the way.)
With my parents we made a list every year...we still do and we got exactly what we asked for with a few small things thrown in for good measure. Today I send my dad links and literally he just orders them from my email. Bret's family is not that way. They will get you one or two of the things you ask for and then everything else are things that they got for you that they thought you would like. For the first few years I got gift cards. After we were married Bret's mom slowly started to buy actual gifts. I haven't gotten a gift cards in over five years. It is fun to open their gifts b/c you never know what you are going to get and sometimes it is just perfect and you would have never guessed. The flip side of this coin is that they don't really tell you what they want either. SO I have to get on board and try to figure out things to get them when all I really want is their list so I can go out and get it.
12.08.2008
It's beginning to look a lot like....
Even though Bret had to work for part of this weekend...it was a really nice weekend. On Saturday Emily had a birthday party in the morning then after nap time we had one of her little friends and her brother over to decorate Christmas cookies with us. This is something that we have done every year and one of our family favorite activities. I have perfected the art of rolling and cutting out the cookies so that it is no longer the dreaded part of the job and I have the icing recipe down so that it firms up enough to not stick once it dries and still tastes quite yummy. This was Palmer's first year and he yet again reminded me that he is his father's child. 
While Emily relished the art of "decorating" each cookie, Palmer felt as though it was a very important job. Don't get me wrong he loved doing it but it was a very simple process in his mind. Pick out a cookie, tell mom which color frosting, choose a color of sprinkle, sprinkle, tell mom done. That was it. He was very methodical about it and was more interested in getting them all decorated than in the decorating itself. Just an observation.
While Emily relished the art of "decorating" each cookie, Palmer felt as though it was a very important job. Don't get me wrong he loved doing it but it was a very simple process in his mind. Pick out a cookie, tell mom which color frosting, choose a color of sprinkle, sprinkle, tell mom done. That was it. He was very methodical about it and was more interested in getting them all decorated than in the decorating itself. Just an observation.
So about the birthday party. This was one of Emily's friends from the school she went to last year. Side note...when we first moved to PA we thought that I would go to work right away and the kids would attend the child development center at the hospital. We had their names on the list right away and had even made a couple of visits to the facility. When we realized that a job was not going to happen right away (an there was no way to afford the CDC without it) it was mid August and I needed to find a preschool ASAP. I called every preschool within a 30 mile radius and everyone was full and had a waiting list already. The week before school started a school about 15 minutes away called to say that they had an opening (a little boy wasn't potty trained in time.. we are in). Something about Berks county that I learned very quickly is that people never leave this town. They were born here and will die here. So it was very interesting for Emily to become part of this little group of kids whose parents all went to high school together and were still BFF.
I am not exaggerating here when I say that this group of parents are the most clickish group of adults I have ever met. When we first started school I asked one of the mom's about her play group that I had heard about and she replied that it was just her and some of her friends that got their kids together to play but that she thought there was a couple of national organizations that she could go online and get the contact info for me. NOT KIDDING! Last year was rough already but every attempt I made to become friends with some of these moms was met with cold shoulders. They had their group and were not interested in new playmates. UNTIL THEY MET EMILY.
Bret and I joke that Emily has been our salvation when it comes to a social life more than once in this town. Kids love her and beg for her to be included. I got calls from moms for play dates, birthday parties, etc that their kids INSISTED that Emily Heskett be included. In fact twice this summer mom's called b/c Emily was going to be the only girl invited b/c her little boyfriends said it was Emily or no one. Even though Emily has changed schools she still gets calls from her previous school friends. I laugh because I wonder if eventually these kids will follow their parent's lead and choose to be friends with "the right kids". In the meantime I once again was in the gossip girl's version of "the in mom's" and was glad that we no longer are forced to run in that circle.
Emily's friends are all very different and that makes me glad that she likes people for who they are. Whether it is her little friend J-whose dad picks him up and drops him off everyday in a new H4, S-who is the most homily child I have ever seen and she worships Emily, O-whose is full of energy and walks her own path in life, C-whose mom is the VP of students at the school I work at, or I-whose mom is a whole other post in itself. I never would have guessed that the whole mom thing would feel like high school all over again but at least Em has no idea.
11.18.2008
You too can spark!
I got an email the other day from cousin that told me about a new website that I am totally obsessed with. The website is www.sparkpeople.com This is a website that is committed to helping you achieve your weight loss goals and maintain a healthy lifestyle. What is so refreshing about this site is that it really seems to want to help you succeed with no strings attached. IT. IS. TOTALLY. FREE. There is no trial membership, no partial free stuff and the rest you have to pay for. Not only is it free (I know I could just stop there) but it is really one of the best sites I have ever used.
The found says that he and his wife were some of the founders of eBay and decided that since they could afford to retire early they wanted to help people get healthy. The site is very user friendly and has a lot of cool stuff. It is set up similar to weight watchers except instead of points you have a food journal, exercise log, etc. You set up your own page and can blog about your struggles. They have teams with similar goals/interests for you to join and people are generally very friendly. It is kind of like facebook in that you have profile pictures and buddies to join you on this adventure.
My favorite part is the spark points. They have several ways everyday that you can earn spark points. You get points for logging in daily, putting information in your journals, reading articles, playing games, etc. Then with your spark points you can buy things. You can send someone a high five, buy yourself a pretend massage, etc. SO. MUCH. FUN. I become obsessed with getting my daily quota of points and I learn stuff about how to maintain a healthy lifestyle while I'm at it. Did I mention that it is free?
OK, so the reason I really decided to blog about this site is more than just sharing my new found joy. In my reading of articles for spark points I found an article that really hit home (more like scared the crap out of me). The article asked if your friends made you fat. I laughed at the title but upon reading it I found that if your friends are overweight or are gaining weight you are 76% more likely to gain weight also. If your friends are losing weight you are 46% more likely to lose weight and here is the one that did for me...people who try to lose weight with a support network or with close friends are 66% more likely to be successful. So there you have it...all of my blog readers are now encouraged by me to join me in this weight loss/healthy lifestyle endeavor. This way we call all be more successful together. Now I know you think I am crazy for starting this right before the holidays but here came another article I read (btw I don't quote my stats so believe them or not that isn't the point).
This article talked about how important it was to journal your food intake and exercise. You are more likely to eat less when you have to write it down and you are more likely to exercise more when you record the numbers. This totally makes sense for me. So my plan until after the holidays is simple write it down. I am making no grandeur attempt to curve my diet or up my exercise routines I am just committing to writing it down. I am hopeful that this will encourage me to continue paying attention to what I am eating and how much I am working out but I am not going to worry about it. So join me! (or don't..no pressure) My user name is ksmomma42 and I look forward to seeing at least a few of you on there.
The found says that he and his wife were some of the founders of eBay and decided that since they could afford to retire early they wanted to help people get healthy. The site is very user friendly and has a lot of cool stuff. It is set up similar to weight watchers except instead of points you have a food journal, exercise log, etc. You set up your own page and can blog about your struggles. They have teams with similar goals/interests for you to join and people are generally very friendly. It is kind of like facebook in that you have profile pictures and buddies to join you on this adventure.
My favorite part is the spark points. They have several ways everyday that you can earn spark points. You get points for logging in daily, putting information in your journals, reading articles, playing games, etc. Then with your spark points you can buy things. You can send someone a high five, buy yourself a pretend massage, etc. SO. MUCH. FUN. I become obsessed with getting my daily quota of points and I learn stuff about how to maintain a healthy lifestyle while I'm at it. Did I mention that it is free?
OK, so the reason I really decided to blog about this site is more than just sharing my new found joy. In my reading of articles for spark points I found an article that really hit home (more like scared the crap out of me). The article asked if your friends made you fat. I laughed at the title but upon reading it I found that if your friends are overweight or are gaining weight you are 76% more likely to gain weight also. If your friends are losing weight you are 46% more likely to lose weight and here is the one that did for me...people who try to lose weight with a support network or with close friends are 66% more likely to be successful. So there you have it...all of my blog readers are now encouraged by me to join me in this weight loss/healthy lifestyle endeavor. This way we call all be more successful together. Now I know you think I am crazy for starting this right before the holidays but here came another article I read (btw I don't quote my stats so believe them or not that isn't the point).
This article talked about how important it was to journal your food intake and exercise. You are more likely to eat less when you have to write it down and you are more likely to exercise more when you record the numbers. This totally makes sense for me. So my plan until after the holidays is simple write it down. I am making no grandeur attempt to curve my diet or up my exercise routines I am just committing to writing it down. I am hopeful that this will encourage me to continue paying attention to what I am eating and how much I am working out but I am not going to worry about it. So join me! (or don't..no pressure) My user name is ksmomma42 and I look forward to seeing at least a few of you on there.
10.30.2008
Work Family
One of the hardest things for me to leave behind in KS was my job. I had a boss that I liked, staff that I could live with, and a great work family. I call my friends at work my work family because if you think about it you spend just as much time with these people as you do your own family. You love them you hate them, you can depend on them (for an ear to chew, for a good laugh, or just a break from the norm). At WSU my work hubs was the hardest to leave. Now don't get me wrong I adored my work hub but we were just friends...besties. We would go to lunch regularly and bitch about the people we worked with, the students, our families, and life in general. It was so different than talking about work with Bret b/c work hub got it and wanted to dish/talk about everything just as much as I did. My work mom was my boss and sometimes an older counselor who thought she was everyone's mom. I cried when I called my work mom to tell her I was leaving and she cried right with me just like a good mom does. She taught me how to show compassion and still manage that employee/boss relationship with professionalism. My work brother was our IT guy that dreamed about his glory days. Made lewd jokes and comments that was even funnier b/c he trusted me enough to know that I would never take offense. Leaving these people behind was really tough and I was worried that I would never find something to fill that void.
But then...a few weeks ago I met some new friends. After only a few lunches I am sure that this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. More than anything else I tend to laugh more than ever when hanging out with this group. Mind you that part of the ironic funniness of this friendship is that are all very VERY different people. Here is a little rundown of my new buds.
IOS Library guy- IOS guy is funny, very intelligent, and is a 30 something that still fits into the college guy setting. He is married to his college sweet heart (who teaches at Univ of Penn) and has no pets or children. Going along with the fact that he has a MLS he also lives up to his nerdy assumptions as he was a WOW player, loves HEROS, and knows a lot of what some would call useless information. A great lunch partner any day b/c he has a lot to say and comes up the most interesting topics. He is also Buddhist, from the upper East coast, and a vegetarian.
Funny, successful mom that looks killer for any age let alone hers- Funny mom has a teenager and another one that is almost a teenager. When she first told me that she was no longer a member of the 30's club I was shocked. She looks great and has a very simple sense of fashion. She has lived all over the country, owned her own business, and is now the director of the fund. Funny mom adds to our group a different perspective and she gives me hope that you can be a great mom, have a good marriage, and a successful career. It also nice to have another girl around.
Artsy guy w/cool glasses- Artsy guy is in charge of the art studio, theatre, and other community activity things that our college does (Director for the center of the arts). He is also married and his wife is prego w/twins. She is also a professor somewhere in NY where they used to live. After she finishes her semester she is moving here and is due shortly thereafter. Wow, that is pretty hectic. In the meantime artsy guy is here on his own living in a tiny apt w/no furniture. He adds a lot of humor, culture, and dynamic to our group.
I think it is funny that all three of these individuals are as desperate as I am for friends and a social outlet at work. I find myself wondering what they are doing for lunch but don't want to seem so desperate and then I get 3 emails with the same question. It helps make the day go faster to meet them for an hour and forget about what is going on back at the office. It has also made me more aware of other areas in the college and appreciate the school as a whole more. IF nothing else I get a good laugh out just about everyday from the jokes they email or something they said at lunch. It is nice to find something I thought I had lost. Don't worry WSU hubs you can never be replaced though. Even though you said that your pocket book and waist don't miss our lunches I know that you do!
But then...a few weeks ago I met some new friends. After only a few lunches I am sure that this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. More than anything else I tend to laugh more than ever when hanging out with this group. Mind you that part of the ironic funniness of this friendship is that are all very VERY different people. Here is a little rundown of my new buds.
IOS Library guy- IOS guy is funny, very intelligent, and is a 30 something that still fits into the college guy setting. He is married to his college sweet heart (who teaches at Univ of Penn) and has no pets or children. Going along with the fact that he has a MLS he also lives up to his nerdy assumptions as he was a WOW player, loves HEROS, and knows a lot of what some would call useless information. A great lunch partner any day b/c he has a lot to say and comes up the most interesting topics. He is also Buddhist, from the upper East coast, and a vegetarian.
Funny, successful mom that looks killer for any age let alone hers- Funny mom has a teenager and another one that is almost a teenager. When she first told me that she was no longer a member of the 30's club I was shocked. She looks great and has a very simple sense of fashion. She has lived all over the country, owned her own business, and is now the director of the fund. Funny mom adds to our group a different perspective and she gives me hope that you can be a great mom, have a good marriage, and a successful career. It also nice to have another girl around.
Artsy guy w/cool glasses- Artsy guy is in charge of the art studio, theatre, and other community activity things that our college does (Director for the center of the arts). He is also married and his wife is prego w/twins. She is also a professor somewhere in NY where they used to live. After she finishes her semester she is moving here and is due shortly thereafter. Wow, that is pretty hectic. In the meantime artsy guy is here on his own living in a tiny apt w/no furniture. He adds a lot of humor, culture, and dynamic to our group.
I think it is funny that all three of these individuals are as desperate as I am for friends and a social outlet at work. I find myself wondering what they are doing for lunch but don't want to seem so desperate and then I get 3 emails with the same question. It helps make the day go faster to meet them for an hour and forget about what is going on back at the office. It has also made me more aware of other areas in the college and appreciate the school as a whole more. IF nothing else I get a good laugh out just about everyday from the jokes they email or something they said at lunch. It is nice to find something I thought I had lost. Don't worry WSU hubs you can never be replaced though. Even though you said that your pocket book and waist don't miss our lunches I know that you do!
10.27.2008
Square feet and aging
Age has always been a funny thing to me. I got married and graduated college at 22 and had our first child when I was 23. Compared to most of our friends and the trends in society both of these were at least several years early. I always kind of liked being the young mom or the young boss at work. It was a love hate thing working with parents that felt I was no older than their students but were impressed with the MBA diploma on my wall. (I promise that the full of myself attitude will pass just hang in there.)
Turning 25 was the first time I can remember feeling that sinking feeling of getting older but not being where I thought I would be. Don't get me wrong...I love being married to the best guy ever and I love being a mom (by far the hardest and most rewarding job out there) but my life was not where I thought it would be. I like working in financial aid. Students are great (most of the time), time off and flexibility is great (who else gets a paid week and few days off at Christmas that isn't considered vacation time), and I can cheer for snow days. However, the "real world" sometimes feels like I am missing something (namely more money).
Last year when we moved to PA it was a rough time for me. It took me tons of interviews and job applications to get a job and in the mean time I was a stay at home mom. I loved being home with my kids and this really surprised me. I thought that we would drive each other crazy and I would be bored stiff. Not so. It was fantastic to stay at home and it really made Bret's first year much more bearable. I hated looking for a job and will never spend that much time and energy again. If/when we move I will plan to stay home for an indeterminable amount of time and will find a job when I find a job. We will be in a better financial situation that money won't be so tight and getting a job at that point will truly be optional.
Something I have noticed about Bret and I is that we are old souls. We are traditional in most senses and we tend to gravitate friend wise to people older than we are. Sometimes I think it is because of our kids and having friends that also have kids but this is not always the case as several of our friends are either not married or don't have children. Our friends range in age from a couple years older to 10+ years older. I find it intriguing that we also have found that all of the close friends that we have made since moving here are not originally from here. In fact a lot of them are from the mid west and have relocated here in the last few years too.
The only thing that kind of bugs me about having older friends is that they tend to be just a little bit more settled than we are. Bret is still in his residency so it feels like college in a way. He gets paid but about 1/5 of what he will get when he is done. We live in a tiny apartment (this is by choice kind of) and are still striving towards true financial stability. When it comes to our older friends it feels weird inviting them over to our home since we live (all four of us) in a tiny two bedroom apartment. None of our friends would care and we have never let it keep us from having huge birthday parties, dinner parties, or holidays but it still makes me pause. I hate to admit it but it is almost like I am ashamed and I hate that. I am proud of what we have because what we have we have earned. Bret and I have been financially independent from our parents since we finished college and even in college we were more independent than most. This was not always easy since med school cost a lot and we were on one income. Having kids so early was also not easy but we managed. We could probably afford a house but it would make things tight and I hate that. Instead we have chosen to live in hospital owned apartments that are subsidized (i.e. very cheap, close to the hospital, safe neighborhood, and well taken care of) and use the extra money to pay off debt (like the mortgage size amt of std loans). This is the choice that we have made but every now and then it bugs me when I make new friends and pause just before I invite them over for the first time. In the mean time some of our friends who have houses so big you could fit our entire apartment in one bedroom seem to enjoy our company, good cooking, and getting out for the evening even if we are squeezed in pretty tight.
Turning 25 was the first time I can remember feeling that sinking feeling of getting older but not being where I thought I would be. Don't get me wrong...I love being married to the best guy ever and I love being a mom (by far the hardest and most rewarding job out there) but my life was not where I thought it would be. I like working in financial aid. Students are great (most of the time), time off and flexibility is great (who else gets a paid week and few days off at Christmas that isn't considered vacation time), and I can cheer for snow days. However, the "real world" sometimes feels like I am missing something (namely more money).
Last year when we moved to PA it was a rough time for me. It took me tons of interviews and job applications to get a job and in the mean time I was a stay at home mom. I loved being home with my kids and this really surprised me. I thought that we would drive each other crazy and I would be bored stiff. Not so. It was fantastic to stay at home and it really made Bret's first year much more bearable. I hated looking for a job and will never spend that much time and energy again. If/when we move I will plan to stay home for an indeterminable amount of time and will find a job when I find a job. We will be in a better financial situation that money won't be so tight and getting a job at that point will truly be optional.
Something I have noticed about Bret and I is that we are old souls. We are traditional in most senses and we tend to gravitate friend wise to people older than we are. Sometimes I think it is because of our kids and having friends that also have kids but this is not always the case as several of our friends are either not married or don't have children. Our friends range in age from a couple years older to 10+ years older. I find it intriguing that we also have found that all of the close friends that we have made since moving here are not originally from here. In fact a lot of them are from the mid west and have relocated here in the last few years too.
The only thing that kind of bugs me about having older friends is that they tend to be just a little bit more settled than we are. Bret is still in his residency so it feels like college in a way. He gets paid but about 1/5 of what he will get when he is done. We live in a tiny apartment (this is by choice kind of) and are still striving towards true financial stability. When it comes to our older friends it feels weird inviting them over to our home since we live (all four of us) in a tiny two bedroom apartment. None of our friends would care and we have never let it keep us from having huge birthday parties, dinner parties, or holidays but it still makes me pause. I hate to admit it but it is almost like I am ashamed and I hate that. I am proud of what we have because what we have we have earned. Bret and I have been financially independent from our parents since we finished college and even in college we were more independent than most. This was not always easy since med school cost a lot and we were on one income. Having kids so early was also not easy but we managed. We could probably afford a house but it would make things tight and I hate that. Instead we have chosen to live in hospital owned apartments that are subsidized (i.e. very cheap, close to the hospital, safe neighborhood, and well taken care of) and use the extra money to pay off debt (like the mortgage size amt of std loans). This is the choice that we have made but every now and then it bugs me when I make new friends and pause just before I invite them over for the first time. In the mean time some of our friends who have houses so big you could fit our entire apartment in one bedroom seem to enjoy our company, good cooking, and getting out for the evening even if we are squeezed in pretty tight.
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