Last night for dinner I made Arroz con Pollo, arepas, and tostones. These are all of my mom's favorite foods from Colombia...her home. It was fun to have something out of the ordinary for dinner and both Bret and the kids ate like crazy. After dinner Bret kind of gave me a funny look and asked what was up with the Colombian cuisine. Not that he minded it was just not something that I would normally whip up. I told him that it was nothing..the plantains were on sale at the grocery store and we hadn't had chicken and rice in a long time. He told me that my arepas were awesome and not to change a thing next time. He also said we could have tostones any time as both of the kids ate their weight in them.
I however thought about what Bret asked as I was washing the dishes. I miss my mom and my aunt Ruth. I thought about how much fun it would have been to have had them over for dinner and surprised them with their ethnic cuisine favorites. I thought about how in their very Hispanic fashion they would have gushed over the tostones and raved about the arepas and ate three helpings of the chicken and rice and probably would have begged to take some home with them. It was a subconscious reminder that I was homesick. Not for Kansas but for them. I have always said that if I could move my mom with me I could live anywhere in the world. I would miss the rest of my family but her I miss the most. When she is with me she is a constant help. She spoils the children, does my laundry, and cleans like a crazy person. She is always up for an outing even if just to the grocery store and loves to shop as much as I do.
Even though we live in a two bedroom apartment she came and stayed with us for six weeks last summer and it was awesome. The time flew by and I was shocked at how much everyone got a long so well. I thought for sure that Bret would have been glad to see her go and that she too would have gotten on my nerves but it was quite the opposite. Bret and I had a lot of fun just going out the two of us and spent more time alone than since we had kids. The kids had a blast over the summer and I had help. I was still a little surprised when Bret asked if my mom was coming for the whole summer this year. I don't know who is more excited about it..me, Emily, or my mom. I have been thinking about a way to get her to move here. We just have to find a house we can afford to rent and get her some insurance since she will no longer be on dad's insurance. Hmm...I will have to work on that. In the mean time we will think of her as we enjoy the delish food.
2.27.2009
2.26.2009
Lent Joke
An older Irish man was a frequent patron at the local pub. His order was always the same..three beers. One day the bar tender got curious and asked the man "Why do you order three beers at the same time? Wouldn't you want to finish one and then order the next so the first two don't get warm?"
The Irish man replied "Lad I have two brothers that live in different parts of the world. When we last parted we promised that no matter where we lived we would always order a beer for the others to remember that they are near and dear to our hearts." The bar tender was touched by the fondness that the man felt for his brothers.
A few weeks later the bartender noticed that someone else was serving the Irish man and that only two beers were on the table. His heart sank as he rushed over to the man. "Oh, no did something happen to one of your brothers? You only have two beers." The Irish man chuckled and said "No lad twas I that gave up beer for Lent".
My priest told this joke one year during the Ash Wednesday homily. I always think of it when this time of year rolls around. I got up early with Bret this morning. It was nice to have a few minutes with him before he left for work although I could tell he was not used to having someone who wanted to talk early in the morning. So far so good but we will see how this afternoon goes and if a second pot of coffee will be needed to keep me awake.
2.25.2009
What a 4 year old fears
As I was helping Emily get dressed this morning she told me she had a bad dream last night. I asked her what it was about and she said that she dreamed that she went to church in her princess night gown because we forgot to dress her. She looked at me with a nervous smile.
I forget sometimes that Emily is in a stage right now where the world revolves around her. Her worries and fears are very real in her world and although I wanted to laugh her off I knew that she was waiting for me to tell it was OK. So I tickled her and laughed with her and hugged her and told her that her mommy would NEVER let that happen. If only all fears were this easy to ease.
Remember that you are dust,
And to dust you shall return.
This is the line that the priest uses when he marks your forehead in the sign of a cross with ashes on Ash Wednesday. The ashes are from the burned palms of Palm Sunday from last year.
So begins the new season of Lent this year. Bret and I are not the most religious people. I can list on one hand the number of scriptures I can quote from memory (not sure I could even come up with more than one). However we try. We got to church on Sundays and holy days of obligation, Emily goes to Sunday school, we volunteer, we tithe, and we observe most of the traditions of our faith. The Catholics are renowned for their dogma and I must admit that there are a few of those that we may on occasion overlook (for the record I have read our holy father Pope John Paul's book The Body and I have to tell you that I am still not convinced when it comes to birth control, spilling a man's seed, etc etc).
So as part of our traditions I try not to snack in between meals, we don't eat meat on Ash Wednesday or Fridays, I am going to go to confession, and I have decided to commit to something and give something up.
The things that I (and Bret because we agreed to work together on this) are going to work to spend more one on one time with each of our kids. Our plan is to take an hour each day after dinner and before bed time and spend it with one kid alone. So tonight is Emily and mommy time and daddy with Palmer time. We want to use this time to work with them on some learning skills too. I got the kids new flash cards, work books, and some fun activities to play too. It can be anything from making cookies, playing a video game together, playing a board game, playing dolls/cars, or just going for a walk. On the surface it sounds like something that we should have already been doing but it is harder than it sounds. Evening in our house is some what hectic and chaotic. We get home, fix dinner, eat, usually watch TV, take a bath, read a book, and then off to bed. Bret and I are exhausted in the evenings and I will be the first to admit that it easier to let the TV entertain the kids than for us to do something. The other part of this is one on one time. I think it's important for the kids to spend time alone with one parent. I also plan to commit to calling my grandmother more often. Again something I should be doing but is hard to find the time for.
As for what I am going to give up...I am giving up sleeping in late. I realized that in the mornings I tend to sleep as LONG as possible and then run around with my head cut off trying to get us out the door on time. My plan is to get up at a set time everyday and use that morning time productively. I may do a yoga video, go for a run, or make something for breakfast for the kids (not that there is anything wrong with cereal, pop tarts, or granola bars). Sleeping in has been me being selfish and wanting that extra time to sleep but also in the evenings when I stay up too late to. So we shall see how it goes. Are you giving anything up for lent?
This is the line that the priest uses when he marks your forehead in the sign of a cross with ashes on Ash Wednesday. The ashes are from the burned palms of Palm Sunday from last year.
So begins the new season of Lent this year. Bret and I are not the most religious people. I can list on one hand the number of scriptures I can quote from memory (not sure I could even come up with more than one). However we try. We got to church on Sundays and holy days of obligation, Emily goes to Sunday school, we volunteer, we tithe, and we observe most of the traditions of our faith. The Catholics are renowned for their dogma and I must admit that there are a few of those that we may on occasion overlook (for the record I have read our holy father Pope John Paul's book The Body and I have to tell you that I am still not convinced when it comes to birth control, spilling a man's seed, etc etc).
So as part of our traditions I try not to snack in between meals, we don't eat meat on Ash Wednesday or Fridays, I am going to go to confession, and I have decided to commit to something and give something up.
The things that I (and Bret because we agreed to work together on this) are going to work to spend more one on one time with each of our kids. Our plan is to take an hour each day after dinner and before bed time and spend it with one kid alone. So tonight is Emily and mommy time and daddy with Palmer time. We want to use this time to work with them on some learning skills too. I got the kids new flash cards, work books, and some fun activities to play too. It can be anything from making cookies, playing a video game together, playing a board game, playing dolls/cars, or just going for a walk. On the surface it sounds like something that we should have already been doing but it is harder than it sounds. Evening in our house is some what hectic and chaotic. We get home, fix dinner, eat, usually watch TV, take a bath, read a book, and then off to bed. Bret and I are exhausted in the evenings and I will be the first to admit that it easier to let the TV entertain the kids than for us to do something. The other part of this is one on one time. I think it's important for the kids to spend time alone with one parent. I also plan to commit to calling my grandmother more often. Again something I should be doing but is hard to find the time for.
As for what I am going to give up...I am giving up sleeping in late. I realized that in the mornings I tend to sleep as LONG as possible and then run around with my head cut off trying to get us out the door on time. My plan is to get up at a set time everyday and use that morning time productively. I may do a yoga video, go for a run, or make something for breakfast for the kids (not that there is anything wrong with cereal, pop tarts, or granola bars). Sleeping in has been me being selfish and wanting that extra time to sleep but also in the evenings when I stay up too late to. So we shall see how it goes. Are you giving anything up for lent?
2.24.2009
Happy Fat Tuesday
I love the idea of Mardi Gras. Go out and party your heart out because people tomorrow the party is OVER. OK so not really but you know what I mean.
Yesterday a lady brought in Fastnauchts which are a German tradition before lent. Fastnachts (or Fasnachts / Faschnachts) are a fatty doughnut treat served traditionally on Fastnacht Day, the day before Lent starts. Traditionally, Fasnachts were made as a way to empty the pantry of lard, sugar, fat and butter, which were forbidden during Lent. The German word Fasnacht literally translates as "chamfering night". Authentic fasnachts are typically cut into squares or rectangles, producing a chamfered edge, as opposed to doughnuts which are round with holes in the center. (Definition adapted from the Wikipedia)
They were delish (seriously have you ever had a home made doughnut before? YUM).
Growing up there wasn't a lot that we would do as preparation for Lent. In fact other than going to church, abstaining from meat on Fridays, and giving something up we didn't do much for Lent either.
This year I have been working on some things that I would like us (as in Bret, kids, and I) to try and commit to during Lent. I think that committing to something during Lent is just as important as giving something up. So cheers! Go drink and be merry because tomorrow is the start of Lent.
Yesterday a lady brought in Fastnauchts which are a German tradition before lent. Fastnachts (or Fasnachts / Faschnachts) are a fatty doughnut treat served traditionally on Fastnacht Day, the day before Lent starts. Traditionally, Fasnachts were made as a way to empty the pantry of lard, sugar, fat and butter, which were forbidden during Lent. The German word Fasnacht literally translates as "chamfering night". Authentic fasnachts are typically cut into squares or rectangles, producing a chamfered edge, as opposed to doughnuts which are round with holes in the center. (Definition adapted from the Wikipedia)
They were delish (seriously have you ever had a home made doughnut before? YUM).
Growing up there wasn't a lot that we would do as preparation for Lent. In fact other than going to church, abstaining from meat on Fridays, and giving something up we didn't do much for Lent either.
This year I have been working on some things that I would like us (as in Bret, kids, and I) to try and commit to during Lent. I think that committing to something during Lent is just as important as giving something up. So cheers! Go drink and be merry because tomorrow is the start of Lent.
Totally Awkward Tuesdays
To participate be sure to check out Tova's site.
One of the most awkward moments in my life was Match Day.
Match day is the day that medical students all over the country find out where/if they are going to complete there residency training. I say if because you are not guaranteed to match into a spot.
I used to think that finding a residency position was like finding a job NOT SO. You apply at different places and they decide where they want to interview you. Then you put together your "rank" list and they put together theirs. Then on Match Day this big computer spits out where you got matched too. This is based on where the programs you ranked, ranked you and other applicants, etc, etc.
Some people trying to get into really competitive programs rank more than one type of residency just in case they don't make it into the tough one. (For example general surgery also ranks internal medicine or family medicine). People also rank quite a few programs so that they are sure to get into a program.
So day one of the match process you get an email at noon that says "congratulations you have been successfully match" or "Unfortunately you were not matched to a program". If you are not matched you then head to the school where they have a war room set up and a list of all of the programs in the country that did not fill all of their spots. Then you proceed to "scramble" (they actually call it that it is not something I made up) into a spot (which could be anywhere doing who knows what). This is not good so you breath a sigh of relief to get the congrats email.
Day 2
Each school/program celebrates match day differently. This is what Kansas University does.
When you get there all of the family and friends head to the auditorium. The med school grads go to get pictures taken and put $5 in the pot for the person who goes last. At the start of the ceremony each student alphabetically goes and pulls a number from a bowel. Bret's number was 26 (there were 45 students in his class). I thought this was a good number because it was right in the middle. Then right before they started they brought out a second bowel with more numbers in it. Yep they were going to randomly draw numbers to determine who was going to go first.
This ceremony was the most awkward and tense ordeal I have ever sat through. I should tell you that for us the reason it was so tense was because although we were fairly certain that we were going to match to the Wichita program (where we were living at the time) Bret had ranked several other programs all over the country. I (yes naive I know) adamantly didn't want to move and had I thought that the possiblity of us not getting our first choice was that real I would never have agreed to the other programs. Bret really liked the PA program and if he had not been married to me it would have been his first choice but instead it was his second choice.
So one at a time a number was drawn. That person headed to the front of the auditorium where there was a power point behind them. They were handed an envelop and as they opened the envelope the name of their program and which type of residency they matched into flashed up behind them.
People standing in front of a death squad looked more relaxed than these people going up to the front. It was their entire future being decided for all of the world to see. Some people were excited some were shocked and there were some that were heartbreakingly disappointed. People's hands shook, tears sometimes ran down their cheeks, some said the program they were thinking rather than what was on the piece of paper on accident, and some were so thrilled that they hollered for joy.
Everytime they called a number that started with twenty I felt myself tense. My stomach was doing back flips and all I kept telling myself was "don't cry, don't throw up". It was my mantra. Finally Bret's number got called and he went to the front of the room. He took the envelope and opened it. Before he said anything he looked up and directly at me. I knew in that flash of a second that we were moving to PA. I knew this because he looked at me to see my reaction and because I could see in his eyes that he was torn between thrilled to be matched to such a great/competitive program and heartbroken because he knew how hard it would be for me to move so far from home. It was at that moment...when he announced where we going that I felt the awkwardness creep in.
I felt like I had been punched in the stomach but I wanted was for everyone to see how proud and happy I was for Bret. This was his day. He had worked so hard for it and although I knew (or at least I thought I knew) how hard it was going to be really hard to move so far way with our two little babies I wanted him to have the moment he had waited for so long. Every eye in the room look to the family present to find out if the news was good or not. Sometimes the residents were more obvious in their reaction than others but for the most part it was the family that showed the true emotions. Mothers cried, spouses jumped out of their seats, and others just gave the "it's going to be OK" smile that we all recognize. Determined to give better than that I actually gave a toothy grin and blinked back the tears that kept threatening their way out. I didn't want people to think for a second that this wasn't an awesome program lucky to have Bret because it is and they are.
After everyone opened their envelopes all I wanted to do was go home and lie down (in my defense I had a 9 week old baby and was recovering from a c-section too not to mention my 2 and 1/2 year old that was starting to get restless) but instead we had a dinner to go to, lots of congratulations to receive, and the burden of figuring out how to tell our family. The last of the three was already prepared for. We had decided to tell everyone at once before we even knew. It happened that everything fell the week before St. Patty's day so we planned a huge party that Saturday to announce to everyone. I was really glad because if I had to call anyone that day I would have lost it completely.
Two years later things are good. I still don't really like the fact that you find out in front of everyone (for the record you don't have to participate) but it is a rite of passage. During interview dinners I have talked to a lot of spouses about the looming Match Day and I can see them where I was at too. It is nice to be able to reassure people that they too will get through it and hopefully be able to celebrate the accomplishments they have made.
I feel strongly that although my husband was the one to sit through the classes and is the actual one with the MD behind his name I worked just as hard. I am lucky that Bret sees that too. There were times that he would not have made it if it weren't for me (not to mention probably starve). Seeing him graduate made me proud of him but also of us. We made it just like I know we will make it through residency too.
One of the most awkward moments in my life was Match Day.
Match day is the day that medical students all over the country find out where/if they are going to complete there residency training. I say if because you are not guaranteed to match into a spot.
I used to think that finding a residency position was like finding a job NOT SO. You apply at different places and they decide where they want to interview you. Then you put together your "rank" list and they put together theirs. Then on Match Day this big computer spits out where you got matched too. This is based on where the programs you ranked, ranked you and other applicants, etc, etc.
Some people trying to get into really competitive programs rank more than one type of residency just in case they don't make it into the tough one. (For example general surgery also ranks internal medicine or family medicine). People also rank quite a few programs so that they are sure to get into a program.
So day one of the match process you get an email at noon that says "congratulations you have been successfully match" or "Unfortunately you were not matched to a program". If you are not matched you then head to the school where they have a war room set up and a list of all of the programs in the country that did not fill all of their spots. Then you proceed to "scramble" (they actually call it that it is not something I made up) into a spot (which could be anywhere doing who knows what). This is not good so you breath a sigh of relief to get the congrats email.
Day 2
Each school/program celebrates match day differently. This is what Kansas University does.
When you get there all of the family and friends head to the auditorium. The med school grads go to get pictures taken and put $5 in the pot for the person who goes last. At the start of the ceremony each student alphabetically goes and pulls a number from a bowel. Bret's number was 26 (there were 45 students in his class). I thought this was a good number because it was right in the middle. Then right before they started they brought out a second bowel with more numbers in it. Yep they were going to randomly draw numbers to determine who was going to go first.
This ceremony was the most awkward and tense ordeal I have ever sat through. I should tell you that for us the reason it was so tense was because although we were fairly certain that we were going to match to the Wichita program (where we were living at the time) Bret had ranked several other programs all over the country. I (yes naive I know) adamantly didn't want to move and had I thought that the possiblity of us not getting our first choice was that real I would never have agreed to the other programs. Bret really liked the PA program and if he had not been married to me it would have been his first choice but instead it was his second choice.
So one at a time a number was drawn. That person headed to the front of the auditorium where there was a power point behind them. They were handed an envelop and as they opened the envelope the name of their program and which type of residency they matched into flashed up behind them.
People standing in front of a death squad looked more relaxed than these people going up to the front. It was their entire future being decided for all of the world to see. Some people were excited some were shocked and there were some that were heartbreakingly disappointed. People's hands shook, tears sometimes ran down their cheeks, some said the program they were thinking rather than what was on the piece of paper on accident, and some were so thrilled that they hollered for joy.
Everytime they called a number that started with twenty I felt myself tense. My stomach was doing back flips and all I kept telling myself was "don't cry, don't throw up". It was my mantra. Finally Bret's number got called and he went to the front of the room. He took the envelope and opened it. Before he said anything he looked up and directly at me. I knew in that flash of a second that we were moving to PA. I knew this because he looked at me to see my reaction and because I could see in his eyes that he was torn between thrilled to be matched to such a great/competitive program and heartbroken because he knew how hard it would be for me to move so far from home. It was at that moment...when he announced where we going that I felt the awkwardness creep in.
I felt like I had been punched in the stomach but I wanted was for everyone to see how proud and happy I was for Bret. This was his day. He had worked so hard for it and although I knew (or at least I thought I knew) how hard it was going to be really hard to move so far way with our two little babies I wanted him to have the moment he had waited for so long. Every eye in the room look to the family present to find out if the news was good or not. Sometimes the residents were more obvious in their reaction than others but for the most part it was the family that showed the true emotions. Mothers cried, spouses jumped out of their seats, and others just gave the "it's going to be OK" smile that we all recognize. Determined to give better than that I actually gave a toothy grin and blinked back the tears that kept threatening their way out. I didn't want people to think for a second that this wasn't an awesome program lucky to have Bret because it is and they are.
After everyone opened their envelopes all I wanted to do was go home and lie down (in my defense I had a 9 week old baby and was recovering from a c-section too not to mention my 2 and 1/2 year old that was starting to get restless) but instead we had a dinner to go to, lots of congratulations to receive, and the burden of figuring out how to tell our family. The last of the three was already prepared for. We had decided to tell everyone at once before we even knew. It happened that everything fell the week before St. Patty's day so we planned a huge party that Saturday to announce to everyone. I was really glad because if I had to call anyone that day I would have lost it completely.
Two years later things are good. I still don't really like the fact that you find out in front of everyone (for the record you don't have to participate) but it is a rite of passage. During interview dinners I have talked to a lot of spouses about the looming Match Day and I can see them where I was at too. It is nice to be able to reassure people that they too will get through it and hopefully be able to celebrate the accomplishments they have made.
I feel strongly that although my husband was the one to sit through the classes and is the actual one with the MD behind his name I worked just as hard. I am lucky that Bret sees that too. There were times that he would not have made it if it weren't for me (not to mention probably starve). Seeing him graduate made me proud of him but also of us. We made it just like I know we will make it through residency too.
2.23.2009
Bargain Shopping Lesson 2
I love to shop but even more than loving to shop I love to shop a bargain. So after a weekend of bargain shopping I thought it would be nice to share the wealth of knowledge on how obtain these out of this world deals.
Shop off season. Yep sounds easy but most people fall for retail tricks everytime. We are tired of winter and along with that we are tired of winter clothes. It is a true disciplined shopper that can walk into a store with all of the bright spring colors and adorable dresses and tank tops and go past it to the clearance racks.
I promise you though that you won't be sorry. So of course I started at the mall here in Wyomissing at one of new found favorite stores Bon-Ton. There I found Palmer's (Nike fleece lined and reversible) winter coat for $15.99 (originally $69.99) and Emily's (London Fog...but most importantly adorable) winter coat for $11.99 (originally $59.99).
Then I went where I always go when I want to get the kids some adorable clothes..the outlets in Lacaster, PA. I had the kids with me and thus my shopping time was limited but I only planned on hitting one store yesterday...Gymboree. I love Gymboree but their clothes can be REALLY expensive if care is not taken. What is nice about the outlet is that they always have at least 2-3 lines (yes kids clothes have lines which is more like they have themes) that are marked DOWN.
For a grand total of $123.54 I got
4 long sleeve t-shirts for Emily (adorable colors with ice skates, cupcakes, or snowflakes on them)
1 pair of jeans for Palmer
2 winter dresses for Emily
3 long sleeve button up shirts for Palmer
1 sweater vest for Palmer
1 long sleeve t-shirt for Palmer
1 pair of capri's & matching shirt for Emily
1 sundress for Emily and matching headband & sunglasses
2 pair of shorts for Palmer
1 adorable baseball jersey for Palmer
2 t-shirts for Palmer
*You noticed that there were some spring/summer clothes in that mix. Gymboree had some of last year's lines marked down too.
I will not lie to you and say that it was easy to ignore the SUPER cute new spring line that was out. However the joy of Gymboree is that I earned Gym bucks. The crappy part is that you can only use Gym bucks at the regular store and you have to use them during a select number of days (like 4 specific days) or you lose them (that's the catch). Gym bucks is money that you get when you spend a certain amount the next time you go you have a credit. So I earned $60 in gym bucks. The next I shop there I can get $120 worth of clothes for $60.
Bret had this theory that I can shop anytime I want to as long (since I budget our money he figures I will know better than he if we have the cash for it) as I have the kids with me. He seems to think that they limit the amount of time that I have and thus limiting the amount of money I spend too. Truth is he is probably right because I could get a lot done if I didn't have the kids with me. Emily is starting to like shopping for clothes too now so he may be in for some trouble. Over all it was a great day even though Bret was working. Hmm...he is working next weekend too....
Shop off season. Yep sounds easy but most people fall for retail tricks everytime. We are tired of winter and along with that we are tired of winter clothes. It is a true disciplined shopper that can walk into a store with all of the bright spring colors and adorable dresses and tank tops and go past it to the clearance racks.
I promise you though that you won't be sorry. So of course I started at the mall here in Wyomissing at one of new found favorite stores Bon-Ton. There I found Palmer's (Nike fleece lined and reversible) winter coat for $15.99 (originally $69.99) and Emily's (London Fog...but most importantly adorable) winter coat for $11.99 (originally $59.99).
Then I went where I always go when I want to get the kids some adorable clothes..the outlets in Lacaster, PA. I had the kids with me and thus my shopping time was limited but I only planned on hitting one store yesterday...Gymboree. I love Gymboree but their clothes can be REALLY expensive if care is not taken. What is nice about the outlet is that they always have at least 2-3 lines (yes kids clothes have lines which is more like they have themes) that are marked DOWN.
For a grand total of $123.54 I got
4 long sleeve t-shirts for Emily (adorable colors with ice skates, cupcakes, or snowflakes on them)
1 pair of jeans for Palmer
2 winter dresses for Emily
3 long sleeve button up shirts for Palmer
1 sweater vest for Palmer
1 long sleeve t-shirt for Palmer
1 pair of capri's & matching shirt for Emily
1 sundress for Emily and matching headband & sunglasses
2 pair of shorts for Palmer
1 adorable baseball jersey for Palmer
2 t-shirts for Palmer
*You noticed that there were some spring/summer clothes in that mix. Gymboree had some of last year's lines marked down too.
I will not lie to you and say that it was easy to ignore the SUPER cute new spring line that was out. However the joy of Gymboree is that I earned Gym bucks. The crappy part is that you can only use Gym bucks at the regular store and you have to use them during a select number of days (like 4 specific days) or you lose them (that's the catch). Gym bucks is money that you get when you spend a certain amount the next time you go you have a credit. So I earned $60 in gym bucks. The next I shop there I can get $120 worth of clothes for $60.
Bret had this theory that I can shop anytime I want to as long (since I budget our money he figures I will know better than he if we have the cash for it) as I have the kids with me. He seems to think that they limit the amount of time that I have and thus limiting the amount of money I spend too. Truth is he is probably right because I could get a lot done if I didn't have the kids with me. Emily is starting to like shopping for clothes too now so he may be in for some trouble. Over all it was a great day even though Bret was working. Hmm...he is working next weekend too....
2.20.2009
Look beyond the screaming child
We had a rough morning today. I mean ROUGH. I was definitely not ready for that when I got out of the shower in a good mood b/c it's Friday. Emily just woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. From the first moment I talked to her it was whining, crying, and the worst talking back I have seen to date.
She didn't want to brush her teeth, she threw a fit that she had to wear jeans today, then it wasn't the right headband, and finally I'm sorry you can't have a granola bar because we are out of them but here is a strawberry frosted poptart instead (for a moment there I thought she was going to throw it at me and I am not sure what I would have done b/c time out might not have cut it). She went to bed early last night and woke up at a decent time this morning. WTF?!?
Then it hit me. She went to bed early last night. Emily never goes to bed early...unless...she doesn't feel good. Kids don't always understand what is going on with themselves. They don't have experience to tell them that they are in a terrible mood or grumpy because they feel like crap. Unless they are throwing up or even just that their stomach hurts, it's sometimes hard to identify what is really going on.
I took her temperature and looked down her throat. Everything seemed OK but I bet by the end of the weekend what has been going around her school and my work will show it's face in my little girl. So there you have it..my "aha" moment that I would like to think shows that I am gaining experience in the mom department. It's funny how when I finally figured out why she was being a holy terror I felt bad for her rather than frustrated with her. I don't think kids (at least at this age) try to be "bad". They just don't know what else to do.
She didn't want to brush her teeth, she threw a fit that she had to wear jeans today, then it wasn't the right headband, and finally I'm sorry you can't have a granola bar because we are out of them but here is a strawberry frosted poptart instead (for a moment there I thought she was going to throw it at me and I am not sure what I would have done b/c time out might not have cut it). She went to bed early last night and woke up at a decent time this morning. WTF?!?
Then it hit me. She went to bed early last night. Emily never goes to bed early...unless...she doesn't feel good. Kids don't always understand what is going on with themselves. They don't have experience to tell them that they are in a terrible mood or grumpy because they feel like crap. Unless they are throwing up or even just that their stomach hurts, it's sometimes hard to identify what is really going on.
I took her temperature and looked down her throat. Everything seemed OK but I bet by the end of the weekend what has been going around her school and my work will show it's face in my little girl. So there you have it..my "aha" moment that I would like to think shows that I am gaining experience in the mom department. It's funny how when I finally figured out why she was being a holy terror I felt bad for her rather than frustrated with her. I don't think kids (at least at this age) try to be "bad". They just don't know what else to do.
2.19.2009
Raise your arms into mountain position
I took a yoga class yesterday over my lunch hour. I figured out a couple of things about myself.
I am even less flexible than I thought I was. Can I just say that Standing Dog (I think that is what she called it) really burns my calves. Heels flat on the ground...seriously?
I have NO balance what so ever. I literally felt like I was going to fall flat on my face just trying to balance on one leg. I am not sure how to focus beyond the try not to fall over feeling I have during the entire position.
I think my arms are freakishly too short. I was trying to do the position that had you cross your elbows and link your hands and wrists (I have not better way of describing these positions b/c I have only taken one class ever) and it just didn't feel like it was going to happen. I blame my boobs for being in the way.
I am super sore today. Who knew? OK so I am sure that several people knew but I didn't. I just thought it would help me to stretch out and increase my balance and flexibility but to tone muscles too? Still not sure I will go back next week. I felt pretty awkward as I tried to keep an eye on the teacher to make sure I was doing things at least remotely right.
The picture is actually a friend of mine who I went to high school with. He inspires me to keep trying (although I could do yoga everyday for the next 20 years and still wouldn't be able to do this).
2.18.2009
It must be in the water
It seems like recently everyone either just had a baby or is pregnant. In Bret's residency program there are 16 residents (4 for each year). In the last six months 3 residents and one resident's wife had a baby. Right now 3 residents are currently pregnant (1 is even pregnant with twins) and two have made it know that they are trying to get pregnant. That is a lot of babies from a pretty small group.
My friend Matt and his wife had their beautiful twins this past Monday and all are doing great.
It just seems like everyone around is pregnant. Sometimes I wonder if it is just what we notice. You know how when you were really wanting to get engaged or had just got engaged it seemed like EVERYONE else had a ring or were going to get a ring soon. Maybe it was because you were totally in tune with that topic that you took more notice right?
No we are not pregnant...or at least I don't think I'm pregnant. You never know. I have a follow up visit with my OB Monday for the post surgery appointment. I always hate that dreaded question that they have to ask...is there any chance you could be pregnant? Well....
I asked Bret what his favorite answers were to that question. He said that I would not believe how many people say "no, no way..there is no possible way that I could be pregnant" and low and behold they are pregnant.
He had to explain to 13 year old one time that yes you could get pregnant through cotton underwear. (Even I had to think about that one). People TALK to your kids.
Anyways I guess this just leads me to think that maybe baby is on the brain. We know we want more kids but the question is more about when. The original "game plan" was to be delivering this spring but as you can see that has gone out the window (surgery, work, daycare costs, etc). So instead we shall see.
My friend Matt and his wife had their beautiful twins this past Monday and all are doing great.
It just seems like everyone around is pregnant. Sometimes I wonder if it is just what we notice. You know how when you were really wanting to get engaged or had just got engaged it seemed like EVERYONE else had a ring or were going to get a ring soon. Maybe it was because you were totally in tune with that topic that you took more notice right?
No we are not pregnant...or at least I don't think I'm pregnant. You never know. I have a follow up visit with my OB Monday for the post surgery appointment. I always hate that dreaded question that they have to ask...is there any chance you could be pregnant? Well....
I asked Bret what his favorite answers were to that question. He said that I would not believe how many people say "no, no way..there is no possible way that I could be pregnant" and low and behold they are pregnant.
He had to explain to 13 year old one time that yes you could get pregnant through cotton underwear. (Even I had to think about that one). People TALK to your kids.
Anyways I guess this just leads me to think that maybe baby is on the brain. We know we want more kids but the question is more about when. The original "game plan" was to be delivering this spring but as you can see that has gone out the window (surgery, work, daycare costs, etc). So instead we shall see.
2.17.2009
Totally Awkward Tuesday
It's Tuesday which means time to dig deep. Check out Tova's site for details if you would like to participate.
When I was a sophomore in high school I had a debate colleague that was a senior (not the guy who I posted about before). He was SUPER smart and a really nice guy (read= not cute at all, not even in a weird geeky kind of way). He and another senior tried to ditch their female colleagues to pair up for the upcoming tournament which was kind of a dick sort of move in the debate world b/c it left the two girls out in the cold. The coach thought it was not a cool thing to do either so in punishment he got assigned to be my pair for the season. As insulted as I was to be the "punishment" I was no dummy either. He was good which meant I was going to be good for the season.
In debate you are kind of forced to spend lots of time with your partner outside of school. This meant after school study sessions, weekend tournaments, and hours spent in the library. Senior guy was always very sweet, polite, and just an all round nice guy (but still not the least bit attractive even after getting to know him). So one night he was over at my house for the evening working on debate stuff. After he left I went back to my room and noticed that he left one of his notebooks. It was left open but in all honesty even if it wasn't left open I probably would have opened it and flipped through it anyways. Seriously you would have too, not to mention that we were working on debate how was I supposed to know that it wasn't going to be debate stuff.
Debate stuff it was not. In fact so far from it that I read the entire notebook cover to cover and sat with my mouth hanging open trying to figure out what I was going to do. What, you ask, was in the notebook?
Poetry.
Short journal entries.
Odes to........ME.
In short it looked like a private diary. At first when I read I thought it was just writings. You know stories about devotion, and secret crushes, and blah blah blah. It was touching. However, as I continued to read (trust I wanted to stop really I did but I couldn't put it down) I quickly realized that they were all about me. I am not a vain person just assuming anything. The stories would be about situations we would have or conversations that we had and how he wished he had the courage to tell me how he felt. He talked about what he loved about me. As touching as it was it was also just weird. The revelation was not even close to the biggest issue. The biggest issue was going to be giving it back to him. He had to know that he left the notebook at my house (I am still not sure it wasn't on purpose) and he had to wonder if I saw anything (although he was super smart remember?). Some how I was going to have to face the music and give it back to him. I was also going to have to be completely honest and tell him that the feelings were not mutual.
So the next day I gave him back his notebook in class. I was very nonchalant about it and just said "I think you left this at my house last night". He looked me straight in the eyes and like a coward I just looked down and got busy working. I had this whole speech about how he was a nice guy and blah blah blah but I just couldn't do it. I reasoned to myself that maybe if I left it alone he could tell himself that I didn't read it and that I just didn't know. I reasoned to myself that it would be better for him that way. One look at his face told me that he knew. The silence that hung between us the rest of that class was thick with awkwardness. Things didn't get any better from there. We rarely spoke and when we did it was all business. It got to the point that my coach (who I was very close to) called me out on it. The weird part was that he knew. He gave me so much crap about the crush that I have never been that crimson colored before or since. The senior and I made it to the national tournament for debate that year. We also medaled at nationals and state. The only time we saw each other was in class and at each round. In between we went in opposite directions but the chemestry was enough to make it work.
He had a child a few months ago and is doing very well for himself. My coach was right in that he has done very well for himself and is make way more money than I will ever see...but I still don't have the tiniest speck of interest not even a flash of attraction.
When I was a sophomore in high school I had a debate colleague that was a senior (not the guy who I posted about before). He was SUPER smart and a really nice guy (read= not cute at all, not even in a weird geeky kind of way). He and another senior tried to ditch their female colleagues to pair up for the upcoming tournament which was kind of a dick sort of move in the debate world b/c it left the two girls out in the cold. The coach thought it was not a cool thing to do either so in punishment he got assigned to be my pair for the season. As insulted as I was to be the "punishment" I was no dummy either. He was good which meant I was going to be good for the season.
In debate you are kind of forced to spend lots of time with your partner outside of school. This meant after school study sessions, weekend tournaments, and hours spent in the library. Senior guy was always very sweet, polite, and just an all round nice guy (but still not the least bit attractive even after getting to know him). So one night he was over at my house for the evening working on debate stuff. After he left I went back to my room and noticed that he left one of his notebooks. It was left open but in all honesty even if it wasn't left open I probably would have opened it and flipped through it anyways. Seriously you would have too, not to mention that we were working on debate how was I supposed to know that it wasn't going to be debate stuff.
Debate stuff it was not. In fact so far from it that I read the entire notebook cover to cover and sat with my mouth hanging open trying to figure out what I was going to do. What, you ask, was in the notebook?
Poetry.
Short journal entries.
Odes to........ME.
In short it looked like a private diary. At first when I read I thought it was just writings. You know stories about devotion, and secret crushes, and blah blah blah. It was touching. However, as I continued to read (trust I wanted to stop really I did but I couldn't put it down) I quickly realized that they were all about me. I am not a vain person just assuming anything. The stories would be about situations we would have or conversations that we had and how he wished he had the courage to tell me how he felt. He talked about what he loved about me. As touching as it was it was also just weird. The revelation was not even close to the biggest issue. The biggest issue was going to be giving it back to him. He had to know that he left the notebook at my house (I am still not sure it wasn't on purpose) and he had to wonder if I saw anything (although he was super smart remember?). Some how I was going to have to face the music and give it back to him. I was also going to have to be completely honest and tell him that the feelings were not mutual.
So the next day I gave him back his notebook in class. I was very nonchalant about it and just said "I think you left this at my house last night". He looked me straight in the eyes and like a coward I just looked down and got busy working. I had this whole speech about how he was a nice guy and blah blah blah but I just couldn't do it. I reasoned to myself that maybe if I left it alone he could tell himself that I didn't read it and that I just didn't know. I reasoned to myself that it would be better for him that way. One look at his face told me that he knew. The silence that hung between us the rest of that class was thick with awkwardness. Things didn't get any better from there. We rarely spoke and when we did it was all business. It got to the point that my coach (who I was very close to) called me out on it. The weird part was that he knew. He gave me so much crap about the crush that I have never been that crimson colored before or since. The senior and I made it to the national tournament for debate that year. We also medaled at nationals and state. The only time we saw each other was in class and at each round. In between we went in opposite directions but the chemestry was enough to make it work.
He had a child a few months ago and is doing very well for himself. My coach was right in that he has done very well for himself and is make way more money than I will ever see...but I still don't have the tiniest speck of interest not even a flash of attraction.
2.16.2009
Losing my mind
So Saturday was spent running errands. We had swim lessons in the morning and then we went to Sam's club, returned a couple of things to Target and Walmart, and got the kids' haircuts. Quite a productive day and when we got home we were all beat and ready for a nap. We had dinner at a friend's house that night so it was a late night as well. I finally got to bed at almost midnight (I know...you know you are getting old when midnight is a late night). Bret was in the living room playing on the computer when I sat up from almost a sound sleep.
Here is my thought process...
"so tired...what a long day...what are we going to have for dinner tomorrow...hmm....we could have chicken taco salad since we bought those frozen chicken breasts from Sam's...hmm...I don't remember putting the groceries away when we got home from Sam's club" Bret did you bring in the groceries from Sam's club?
Silence.
"No did you?"
Crap. Yep. We bought over $100 in groceries from Sam's Club and completely forgot about them in the car for like 10 hours. Luckily it was pretty cold outside all day and everything was still frozen solid and we were saved. Just goes to show you how your mind is always all over the place and you forget things. I like to tell myself that I would have remembered sooner if it was something important like a kid or something.
Here is my thought process...
"so tired...what a long day...what are we going to have for dinner tomorrow...hmm....we could have chicken taco salad since we bought those frozen chicken breasts from Sam's...hmm...I don't remember putting the groceries away when we got home from Sam's club" Bret did you bring in the groceries from Sam's club?
Silence.
"No did you?"
Crap. Yep. We bought over $100 in groceries from Sam's Club and completely forgot about them in the car for like 10 hours. Luckily it was pretty cold outside all day and everything was still frozen solid and we were saved. Just goes to show you how your mind is always all over the place and you forget things. I like to tell myself that I would have remembered sooner if it was something important like a kid or something.
V-Day=Disaster with quick recovery
Little known fact about me is that I try to plan things and am not very good at recovering when things don't got the way I think they will. For example, if I am upset with Bret about something or something has been really bothering me I plan out what I am going to do about it. In my head I think OK, I am going to say this to Bret, he will respond with THIS, and my response will be THIS. End of argument/discussion everything is better. It's almost like I prerecord arguments in my head. When I don't get the response or reaction that I had thought I would get I get upset or disappointed. It is not something that I do intentionally it's just me. In fact I first realized how often I do this when in premarital counseling classes our counselor had Bret and I talk about how we fight and what we think our partner does that is hurtful/not helpful. Mine for Bret was immediate defensiveness and sarcasm. The moment I approach him about something the shields go up and the sarcasm comes out. I on the other hand have prewritten what is going to happen and then when it doesn't go that way I struggle to recover. One of the many things we are working on.
So in my attempts to make up some lost ground in our "getting along" lately attempts such an occurance happened. I made plans for the evening and when things do accordingly I got upset. Long story short was that Bret went over to a friends house to play video games for a while and didn't come home until close to 1am. To be fair he didn't know (it was a surprise) but in my mind I gave enough hints that he should have figured it out. So what resumed was that when he did get home I was upset and according to Bret had been festering for a fight.
It is at moments like this where we all have a choice to make. We can stay mad and let the evening be ruined or we can cool off admit our faults and try to make the best of it. I will be the first to admit my first thought was to be mad, pout, throw a fit, and make him feel really really bad. In the end though I cooled off and we talked about why I was upset. He apologized, I apologized, and then we made up.
This is what makes Bret and I work. We both are stubborn people and we both have a quick temp that can get out of control pretty quickly. BUT we can reel it in and get over things just as quickly. We have boundaries for when we fight but we do fight and sometimes just yelling makes things better.
Although it was not one of our best V-days it did remind us why we love each other and that maybe we needed to appreciate each other a little more than we had recently.
So in my attempts to make up some lost ground in our "getting along" lately attempts such an occurance happened. I made plans for the evening and when things do accordingly I got upset. Long story short was that Bret went over to a friends house to play video games for a while and didn't come home until close to 1am. To be fair he didn't know (it was a surprise) but in my mind I gave enough hints that he should have figured it out. So what resumed was that when he did get home I was upset and according to Bret had been festering for a fight.
It is at moments like this where we all have a choice to make. We can stay mad and let the evening be ruined or we can cool off admit our faults and try to make the best of it. I will be the first to admit my first thought was to be mad, pout, throw a fit, and make him feel really really bad. In the end though I cooled off and we talked about why I was upset. He apologized, I apologized, and then we made up.
This is what makes Bret and I work. We both are stubborn people and we both have a quick temp that can get out of control pretty quickly. BUT we can reel it in and get over things just as quickly. We have boundaries for when we fight but we do fight and sometimes just yelling makes things better.
Although it was not one of our best V-days it did remind us why we love each other and that maybe we needed to appreciate each other a little more than we had recently.
2.12.2009
Upcoming V-Day
When we were dating Bret did an AWESOME job of being romantic and trying really hard to make holiday and special occasions something to remember. One year for Valentine's Day he made me a romantic dinner. The funny part was that 1) He didn't know how to cook and had nothing to cook with 2) he lived in a tiny two bedroom apt with a room mate so there was NO space (not much privacy for romance), and 3) they didn't have a table or chairs to eat on.
So it was one of the first occasions in our relationship where I truly started to understand the meaning of "it's the thought that counts". We ate on a makeshift table on his bed and he hand mixed an Oreo no-bake for desert (he had to mix it in a beer pitcher with a spoon because of course he had no mixing bowels let alone a mixer). Over the years our celebration of this holiday has not been anything grand. We have never had any money and it was always a promise that someday when med school and residency and blah blah blah was over I would get beautiful flowers and fancy jewelry for every birthday, v-day, and anniversary. I have grown quite accustomed though to Bret's way of improvising. That's not to say that I didn't get flowers..because I did. It was more the picked up at the market and put in a vase from home and hand delivered type (which I think is way better BTW). Since we moved here my all time favorite has been the Godiva chocolates from the outlet store that is walking distance from our home.
The thing that I love the most from Bret is the cards that he gets me and the notes he writes in them. You have to understand that although Bret is good at sharing his thoughts and always has plenty to say he is NOT the gushy lovey dovey type. "I love you" is more of a response rather than a thought to him and "dinner was good" is one the highest compliments in his book. So when I get a card that says something like "I love you and I couldn't have made it without you" or "thanks for loving me" or my favorite "I will always love" and "I didn't know I could love you any more than I already did but I do" you may think it's not much but to me it's everything.
So this year the last few months have been tough on both of us. We haven't had a moment to think let alone appreciate each other. With the holidays, nights and then a days rotation, sick kids, and then surgery we are barely keeping our heads above water. I have a couple of super secret surprises for Bret up my sleeve and I can hardly wait. Although he swear's that he never reads this blog I am not taking any chances. So stay tuned for an update next week on our big V-day weekend (albeit a PG rated version).
So it was one of the first occasions in our relationship where I truly started to understand the meaning of "it's the thought that counts". We ate on a makeshift table on his bed and he hand mixed an Oreo no-bake for desert (he had to mix it in a beer pitcher with a spoon because of course he had no mixing bowels let alone a mixer). Over the years our celebration of this holiday has not been anything grand. We have never had any money and it was always a promise that someday when med school and residency and blah blah blah was over I would get beautiful flowers and fancy jewelry for every birthday, v-day, and anniversary. I have grown quite accustomed though to Bret's way of improvising. That's not to say that I didn't get flowers..because I did. It was more the picked up at the market and put in a vase from home and hand delivered type (which I think is way better BTW). Since we moved here my all time favorite has been the Godiva chocolates from the outlet store that is walking distance from our home.
The thing that I love the most from Bret is the cards that he gets me and the notes he writes in them. You have to understand that although Bret is good at sharing his thoughts and always has plenty to say he is NOT the gushy lovey dovey type. "I love you" is more of a response rather than a thought to him and "dinner was good" is one the highest compliments in his book. So when I get a card that says something like "I love you and I couldn't have made it without you" or "thanks for loving me" or my favorite "I will always love" and "I didn't know I could love you any more than I already did but I do" you may think it's not much but to me it's everything.
So this year the last few months have been tough on both of us. We haven't had a moment to think let alone appreciate each other. With the holidays, nights and then a days rotation, sick kids, and then surgery we are barely keeping our heads above water. I have a couple of super secret surprises for Bret up my sleeve and I can hardly wait. Although he swear's that he never reads this blog I am not taking any chances. So stay tuned for an update next week on our big V-day weekend (albeit a PG rated version).
2.11.2009
What I wish someone would have told me
So my dear friend Matt is going to be a dad in less than a week. He and his wife moved here recently and have not met a lot of people and don't have any family living in the area. On top of that they are having twins....Monday. As a new dad to be, Matt has expressed his fear of being a father and being able to survive parenthood. Although I was much younger (over 10 years) when I was going through this anxiety for this first time I think that there are some things that I had to figure out the hard way that I wish someone would have told me. So for that reason (and because I love to make fun lists) I have listed the top 10 things that I wish someone would have told me before becoming a mother. So Matt, take it or leave it, here is my unsolicited advice and and my faithful 6 readers will probably have something to add as well :)
1. Babies are resilient. When you first hold your newborn you think that they are the most fragile thing that you could ever hold. While I don't think that you should swing it around like a doll or anything (and definitely don't shake it) we have to remember that they were just born. That means that they either squeezed their way through a pelvis and out a not so big hole or a doctor and team of nurses just cut a hole open through an abdomen and pulled them out. Either way they are not as fragile as you think. I was so scared when I had my first that I (or more likely someone else) was going to drop her, or accidentally hit her head on something, or her little legs would get hurt from holding them out of the way when I changed their diapers. I wish someone would have told me to relax babies are made with pliable bones that are virtually incapable of breaking and that your natural instincts will kick into gear and will protect the baby. So breath when other people want to hold your babies and relax. (BTW Emily did drop Palmer when he was 6 months old b/c she was trying to pick him up and then worried that she would get caught so she just let him go...he was fine)
2. Since you have a girl and a boy I thought you should know that from birth they are completely different creatures. Watch out for the little sprinkler and be prepared for totally different personalities. There is something to said about boys being boys. Palmer has had a concussion, stitches, and a chipped tooth. He is only two. Emily faints if she gets a paper cut and lets hope she never sees blood. Even friends with twins say that the two couldn't be more different. Celebrate their differences.
3. Exhaustion has a new meaning after becoming a parent. You thought you knew what it was like to be tired. Not so. The first few weeks after you have a baby takes you to a whole new level of running on fumes. I like to think of this as a rite of passage. We have all been there and are able to look back with warm memories of falling asleep at the dinner table. Good luck with that and if you figure out a way to lesson it I expect a 10% royalty of the millions you would make.
4. Worry is your new middle name. You never thought that how many wet diapers would be something to concern yourself with, did they burp, are they eating enough, have they pooped often enough, are they warm enough, is the car seat secure, did that person wash their hands, what if they got a cold, how is daycare going to go, are they eating enough, are they sleeping enough? Then you worry about friends, are they learning at the right pace, do they say enough words, are they safe? My mom claims that it doesn't end and that she still worries about me and on top of it my kids now to. So remember to focus on the now. I like that kids seem to come with a natural guide. In the beginning they start you out easy with basic life necessities...eat, diapers, and sleep. Gradually you grow to safety..don't put that in your mouth, don't stick your finger in that, etc. Then into social growth like don't bite your friend, share, be nice to people. I will let you know as we continue into the unknown how it is going. I suggest Yo Gabba-Gabba for help on these issues.
5. Kids should fit into your life not the other way around. Actually someone did tell me this when I was pregnant with Emily and it was the best piece of advice I ever got. She had told me that you will NEVER get your life back if you don't make it a point to help a child adjust to yours. What she meant by this was if the baby is sleeping and you need to vacuum...do it. If you start out tiptoeing around when they are sleeping you will forever have to be quiet. If instead you teach your children to sleep regardless of the noise you will be forever grateful. Remember to take time out for yourself and for time alone with Dana and find something to talk about other than the kids. OK, who am I kidding Bret and I have a hard time talking about anything else too but we still try. Besides I know where you can find free babysitting :)
6. Schedule, schedule, schedule. From eating to bed time, routine and schedule is your best friend. I am sure that I could even pull studies from somewhere that show that kids do better when they know what to expect and have a schedule. Some days it will feel like a burden but most days it will be a relief even for you to know what to expect.
7. Make your own family traditions. Bret and I both came from families that had all kinds of weird traditions. We took some of his and some of mine and the worked really hard to make some of our own. Birthdays are a great example. What did you do to make it special and what will you do with your own kids?
8. There is no right or wrong way to parent (OK maybe the crazy people who hurt or abuse their kids are wrong but for the most part). You have your kids best intentions at heart and that is all that matters. Everything else will work itself out and you will make the right choices and decisions. What worked for one parent may not work for anyone else either.
9. Parenting is the easiest job in the world...kind of. Your job as a parent is love your child and take care of them. Although it is the most demanding and hard work you will ever do it is the easiest. Loving your child from the first moment is a piece of cake. You already do. Taking care of them is the next most natural thing. You want to keep them safe, you want to provide the very best, you want them to be happy and healthy so doing it is just a matter of making it happen.
10. You get to be kid all over again only better. Things like Valentine's day, Halloween, Easter, swimming, going for walks, baking cookies, reading books, playing with cars or dolls, playing with playdoh, vacations, camping, and so many many more things are all new and you get to experience it for the first time through their eyes. There is no greater joy. The excitement and pride and memories are ecstasy.
Best wishes to you and Dana and don't forget that we are here and are willing/able to help.
1. Babies are resilient. When you first hold your newborn you think that they are the most fragile thing that you could ever hold. While I don't think that you should swing it around like a doll or anything (and definitely don't shake it) we have to remember that they were just born. That means that they either squeezed their way through a pelvis and out a not so big hole or a doctor and team of nurses just cut a hole open through an abdomen and pulled them out. Either way they are not as fragile as you think. I was so scared when I had my first that I (or more likely someone else) was going to drop her, or accidentally hit her head on something, or her little legs would get hurt from holding them out of the way when I changed their diapers. I wish someone would have told me to relax babies are made with pliable bones that are virtually incapable of breaking and that your natural instincts will kick into gear and will protect the baby. So breath when other people want to hold your babies and relax. (BTW Emily did drop Palmer when he was 6 months old b/c she was trying to pick him up and then worried that she would get caught so she just let him go...he was fine)
2. Since you have a girl and a boy I thought you should know that from birth they are completely different creatures. Watch out for the little sprinkler and be prepared for totally different personalities. There is something to said about boys being boys. Palmer has had a concussion, stitches, and a chipped tooth. He is only two. Emily faints if she gets a paper cut and lets hope she never sees blood. Even friends with twins say that the two couldn't be more different. Celebrate their differences.
3. Exhaustion has a new meaning after becoming a parent. You thought you knew what it was like to be tired. Not so. The first few weeks after you have a baby takes you to a whole new level of running on fumes. I like to think of this as a rite of passage. We have all been there and are able to look back with warm memories of falling asleep at the dinner table. Good luck with that and if you figure out a way to lesson it I expect a 10% royalty of the millions you would make.
4. Worry is your new middle name. You never thought that how many wet diapers would be something to concern yourself with, did they burp, are they eating enough, have they pooped often enough, are they warm enough, is the car seat secure, did that person wash their hands, what if they got a cold, how is daycare going to go, are they eating enough, are they sleeping enough? Then you worry about friends, are they learning at the right pace, do they say enough words, are they safe? My mom claims that it doesn't end and that she still worries about me and on top of it my kids now to. So remember to focus on the now. I like that kids seem to come with a natural guide. In the beginning they start you out easy with basic life necessities...eat, diapers, and sleep. Gradually you grow to safety..don't put that in your mouth, don't stick your finger in that, etc. Then into social growth like don't bite your friend, share, be nice to people. I will let you know as we continue into the unknown how it is going. I suggest Yo Gabba-Gabba for help on these issues.
5. Kids should fit into your life not the other way around. Actually someone did tell me this when I was pregnant with Emily and it was the best piece of advice I ever got. She had told me that you will NEVER get your life back if you don't make it a point to help a child adjust to yours. What she meant by this was if the baby is sleeping and you need to vacuum...do it. If you start out tiptoeing around when they are sleeping you will forever have to be quiet. If instead you teach your children to sleep regardless of the noise you will be forever grateful. Remember to take time out for yourself and for time alone with Dana and find something to talk about other than the kids. OK, who am I kidding Bret and I have a hard time talking about anything else too but we still try. Besides I know where you can find free babysitting :)
6. Schedule, schedule, schedule. From eating to bed time, routine and schedule is your best friend. I am sure that I could even pull studies from somewhere that show that kids do better when they know what to expect and have a schedule. Some days it will feel like a burden but most days it will be a relief even for you to know what to expect.
7. Make your own family traditions. Bret and I both came from families that had all kinds of weird traditions. We took some of his and some of mine and the worked really hard to make some of our own. Birthdays are a great example. What did you do to make it special and what will you do with your own kids?
8. There is no right or wrong way to parent (OK maybe the crazy people who hurt or abuse their kids are wrong but for the most part). You have your kids best intentions at heart and that is all that matters. Everything else will work itself out and you will make the right choices and decisions. What worked for one parent may not work for anyone else either.
9. Parenting is the easiest job in the world...kind of. Your job as a parent is love your child and take care of them. Although it is the most demanding and hard work you will ever do it is the easiest. Loving your child from the first moment is a piece of cake. You already do. Taking care of them is the next most natural thing. You want to keep them safe, you want to provide the very best, you want them to be happy and healthy so doing it is just a matter of making it happen.
10. You get to be kid all over again only better. Things like Valentine's day, Halloween, Easter, swimming, going for walks, baking cookies, reading books, playing with cars or dolls, playing with playdoh, vacations, camping, and so many many more things are all new and you get to experience it for the first time through their eyes. There is no greater joy. The excitement and pride and memories are ecstasy.
Best wishes to you and Dana and don't forget that we are here and are willing/able to help.
2.10.2009
Totally Awkward Tuesday's
As always if you would like to join in please see Tova's site for details.
Emily is almost five years old and I have been in some of the most awkward moments of my life due to her less than shy and extremely outgoing personality. I had a hard time trying to figure out which one to write about and most of them were pretty simple. At first glance you think "oh that's just cute" but when you are the mom you can feel the judgement pass on you from everyone involved. Even if it's a simple "kids will be kids but that mom should teach her better" mentality it still causes my easily flushed face to turn crimson. So here are couple of the fun moments that Emily has made me bite my tongue, hold back a laugh, walk the thin line of scolding in public and making it a teaching moment, make light of a situation so as not to hurt anyone's feelings, and some times just turn and run dragging her tail behind us.
We used to go to a library reading program and Emily decided to take her baby doll with her. I wasn't paying attention (I had Palmer with me too) until another mom asked Emily why she had her baby under her shirt. "She was hungry", Emily replied.
At the grocery store Emily went up to a shelf stocker and asked her what was in her nose. The goth dressed girl replied "It's an earring only in my nose". To that Emily said "WHY would you do that!?!" Talk about holding back laughter.
Emily once asked Bret's chief resident "When are you going to have that baby? It has been in your tummy a long long time". (She was never pregnant)
I can only guess what all the teachers at her school has heard about but I do know that one morning I was trying to get Emily to pay attention and hold her head still why I was fixing her hair and as I was dropping her off at school she told the teacher that I pulled her hair that morning because she wasn't listening. I got a look and I wasn't sure if it was "I understand" or "How could you".
We went to dinner one night with some new friends. NF asked Emily what does your daddy do? Emily replied "He works at the hospital and delivers babies. But he doesn't take care of the babies he takes care of the mommies." Other NF asked what does your mommy do? Emily had to think long and hard about this and her reply was "she does the dishes". No one really knew whether to laugh or say something to contract this child's view of the world. Bret felt really bad about this (I was staying home at the time) while I thought it was pretty funny. Needless to say that the next time I asked her hoping to get a laugh from our friends and she had been taught that mommy takes care of all of us. She reads stories, plays with us, and helps daddy a lot. What a good husband.
By far the most awkward moment my dear daughter has put me in was while I was pregnant with Palmer. This may be a TMI moment so please feel free to stop reading now. Emily and I went to the mall for the afternoon and ate at a fast food place in the food court. One of the lovely side affects of pregnancy was that I sometimes had to make a mad dash to the bathroom after a greasy meal. Since Emily and I were alone she had to come with me into the stall. I was not at all prepared for the commentary that she would then offer. "Oh YUCK mom", "whew", and on and on and in a very non-hushed tone too. I was HORRIFIED! I am sure that every woman in that restroom heard but I wasn't going to step out and find out. We sat in that stall with my hand over her mouth until I was sure that everyone was out of the bathroom. All though I was extremely embarrassed I also thought about the responses we gave when we changed her dirty diaper or (since we had started potty training not long before this) when she went in the big girl chair at home. We, like most parents, made it funny to make a big deal out of a stinky. Boy did that backfire.
So there you have it some of the joyous moments that a curious, friendly, and innocent little girl can put a poor mom through.
2.09.2009
Count to Ten
It's been a while since I have posted. This is partly due to minor surgery I had last week and partly because like everyone else the late winter blues has me with less than uplifting thoughts to fill the pages with.
I had laproscopic surgery last week to remove a cyst from my ovary. Everything went fine but you know...it's still surgery. You wait in like four different rooms and you are starving b/c you can't eat anything since the night before and you are thirsty b/c you can't have anything to drink for four hours before the surgery and people just do their job and almost completely oblivious to you as they move you, ask you questions, and tell you what to do.
I hate operating rooms. There is nothing friendly or warm about them and I know that nothing can be done about that. One thing that was a little different this time was that after they started the IV I kept waiting for that drowsy feeling. I remember in past surgeries that they would tell you to count backwards from ten and at nine you start to feel you eyelids get heavy and at eight you know that you are done. That didn't happen this time. One minute I am listening in to the nurses in the room making fun of one of the doctors (of course I knew exactly who they were talking about which made it even funnier) and the next thing I know I am waking up in recovery. I mentioned it to Bret and he smiled and said "yah, they push the drugs pretty fast here...no screwing around...it's great". One minute I am completely fine and the next I am OUT.
I am not much one for pain killers either. Even after my c-section I took maybe one pain killer the day I went home and one the next day and then Tylenol and Motrin for me. So this time we didn't even get the Vikadon prescription filled. All is well just have to watch my two year old who doesn't quite get the "mommy's tummy is still really sore" concept. I have to say that two days at home BY MYSELF was awesome. Kids at daycare and Bret at work and me at home with my DVR shows to watch and a couple great new books. It was exactly what the doctor ordered.
I had laproscopic surgery last week to remove a cyst from my ovary. Everything went fine but you know...it's still surgery. You wait in like four different rooms and you are starving b/c you can't eat anything since the night before and you are thirsty b/c you can't have anything to drink for four hours before the surgery and people just do their job and almost completely oblivious to you as they move you, ask you questions, and tell you what to do.
I hate operating rooms. There is nothing friendly or warm about them and I know that nothing can be done about that. One thing that was a little different this time was that after they started the IV I kept waiting for that drowsy feeling. I remember in past surgeries that they would tell you to count backwards from ten and at nine you start to feel you eyelids get heavy and at eight you know that you are done. That didn't happen this time. One minute I am listening in to the nurses in the room making fun of one of the doctors (of course I knew exactly who they were talking about which made it even funnier) and the next thing I know I am waking up in recovery. I mentioned it to Bret and he smiled and said "yah, they push the drugs pretty fast here...no screwing around...it's great". One minute I am completely fine and the next I am OUT.
I am not much one for pain killers either. Even after my c-section I took maybe one pain killer the day I went home and one the next day and then Tylenol and Motrin for me. So this time we didn't even get the Vikadon prescription filled. All is well just have to watch my two year old who doesn't quite get the "mommy's tummy is still really sore" concept. I have to say that two days at home BY MYSELF was awesome. Kids at daycare and Bret at work and me at home with my DVR shows to watch and a couple great new books. It was exactly what the doctor ordered.
2.03.2009
Totally Awkward Tuesdays
Dr. Heskett and I started dating the spring semester of our freshman year. At the time it felt like we were taking it slow but in hind site things went pretty quickly. I have this friend from high school who was kind of like one of those on again off again "friends with benefits" types. We never really "dated" but we hung out a lot starting the summer after HS graduation and into our freshman year of college. Neither of us really wanted a serious relationship and was enjoying going out to the bars and hanging with a large group of friends.
I know that he "dated" different girls and he totally knew that I was dating too. At one point while we were both home for the holiday break (we lived 10 minutes apart) I mentioned that I wanted us to try the whole dating thing. Being the typical male that he was he wanted to know why I would ever want to screw-up/change something so perfect. We kind of left the conversation go and cooled off our hanging out time for a while. No one was mad just needed some reflection time.
About a month later I met Dr. Heskett. We were having a good time and really starting to like each other. Then one night about 4 months into my dating Dr. Heskett my "friend" showed up late and was drunk and pretty upset. The jist of the story was that one of his really good friends (his biology lab partner) was falling in love. Still trying to figure out the pieces that were missing in the drunk ramblings of my friend I was completely lost. For months now he had been hearing all about this girl that his friend was totally into and was pretty happy to hear about it...until today. Still not understanding where this was going or how I was involved the light bulb suddenly went off in my completely sober head....my friend had biology on MWF at 8:30...guess who else had biology on MWF at 8:30. Yep you guessed it..Dr. Heskett. What are the odds that at a division one school with 28,000 students the guy that I was dating happened to be friends/lab partners with my high school buddy. Talk about AWKWARD.
My friend was not mad (he didn't have any right to be and he knew it) he was just bummed. I think he thought that I would always be waiting in the wings until we were both done having fun our freshman year. In fact during our recent conversation that past break he told me that I was the girl he wanted to marry someday and that he wasn't ready for that sort of commitment right now. He knew Dr. Heskett pretty well and knew that he was a really good guy. Suddenly he realized that he had lost me thus the reason for showing up at my house distraught and drunk. Trying to reassure this friend that it was WAY too soon to be that freaked out and that we were just dating he knew. He knew before either Dr. Heskett or I did that this relationship was different. 10 years later he was still right. My friend got married a few weeks ago and I couldn't be happier for him. Although we have managed to stay close friends it's a little weird for hubs (he was pretty happy that he is now married) and I am pretty sure that the new wife isn't crazy about me either.
I know that he "dated" different girls and he totally knew that I was dating too. At one point while we were both home for the holiday break (we lived 10 minutes apart) I mentioned that I wanted us to try the whole dating thing. Being the typical male that he was he wanted to know why I would ever want to screw-up/change something so perfect. We kind of left the conversation go and cooled off our hanging out time for a while. No one was mad just needed some reflection time.
About a month later I met Dr. Heskett. We were having a good time and really starting to like each other. Then one night about 4 months into my dating Dr. Heskett my "friend" showed up late and was drunk and pretty upset. The jist of the story was that one of his really good friends (his biology lab partner) was falling in love. Still trying to figure out the pieces that were missing in the drunk ramblings of my friend I was completely lost. For months now he had been hearing all about this girl that his friend was totally into and was pretty happy to hear about it...until today. Still not understanding where this was going or how I was involved the light bulb suddenly went off in my completely sober head....my friend had biology on MWF at 8:30...guess who else had biology on MWF at 8:30. Yep you guessed it..Dr. Heskett. What are the odds that at a division one school with 28,000 students the guy that I was dating happened to be friends/lab partners with my high school buddy. Talk about AWKWARD.
My friend was not mad (he didn't have any right to be and he knew it) he was just bummed. I think he thought that I would always be waiting in the wings until we were both done having fun our freshman year. In fact during our recent conversation that past break he told me that I was the girl he wanted to marry someday and that he wasn't ready for that sort of commitment right now. He knew Dr. Heskett pretty well and knew that he was a really good guy. Suddenly he realized that he had lost me thus the reason for showing up at my house distraught and drunk. Trying to reassure this friend that it was WAY too soon to be that freaked out and that we were just dating he knew. He knew before either Dr. Heskett or I did that this relationship was different. 10 years later he was still right. My friend got married a few weeks ago and I couldn't be happier for him. Although we have managed to stay close friends it's a little weird for hubs (he was pretty happy that he is now married) and I am pretty sure that the new wife isn't crazy about me either.
2.02.2009
Dad's Turn
I had to work this past Saturday for part of the day. It's not that bad. We get fed breakfast and lunch and I get to meet with prospective students and parents who are interviewing for scholarships. I think it's good that I have to work sometimes on the weekends because it forces Bret to take care of the kids on his own.
When Emily was a baby I was finishing my MBA in night school while working full time. This meant that at least two nights a week Bret and tiny little Emily were on their own. Bret had to feed, change, and sometimes bathe a two month old baby. As a new mom I could see how easy it would be to do it all. You are so happy to be doing it for the first time that you lose sight of the fact that the responsibilities should be shared. You also forget that just because dad's do things differently doesn't mean it's wrong. I have seen friends criticize their husbands because they didn't change a diaper just as they would have or feed the baby the way that they normally do. The typical dad's response is "ok, I do it wrong so here you do it" and we do. Then a year down the road or even with the second child we get frustrated because we do everything and they don't help.
Because I was trying to do so much at one time I was forced to keep my mouth shut. I came home sometimes and Emily's dirty clothes would be in a bucket out on the porch b/c Bret couldn't deal with the poop that was seemingly everywhere. That was if the onesie made it to the bucket and not just the trash (he promised to replace it and argued that it wasn't worth the effort). He was a super messy feeder of baby food and didn't always remember a bib. He also didn't always remember that she needed to be changed into pajamas before bed because to him the comfy sleepers she was in looked fine to sleep in at night.
At the end of the day he took care of her in the best way he knew how and I appreciated it because it was the only way I was going to be able to do anything else. Last year I took some time off and stayed home with the kids and I noticed that I started to take on the majority of the household and child care responsibilities. To me it made sense that since staying home was now my job I would do things (like laundry, dishes, cleaning, baths, cooking, etc) more than him because he was working so much. When we decided that I would go back to work we joked that Bret would have the hardest time adjusting and he has. Although we don't argue a lot our biggest point of contention is him helping out more at home and with the kids. We are working on this.
So this past Saturday was interesting to say the least because it had been a long long time since he had to take both kids and manage for the day. It was made even more challenging because it wasn't just a stay at home and hang out type Saturday either. He had to take both kids to swim lessons, feed them lunch, pick up a birthday present, and take the kids to a skating birthday party. I felt bad for Bret because after swim lessons Palmer was exhausted and didn't want to be put down. That meant that Emily was on her own skating for the first time while he held Palmer. I got done early and went and met them at the rink and got to skate with Emily. It didn't bother Emily one bit but it bother Bret a lot. I felt bad but at the same time exactly what he was feeling. It is hard to juggle both kids especially at a birthday party. But such is life and you do what you have to do. After this we talked about maybe setting some time aside for one on one parent time for both of the kids. I think it is a great idea and could be a lot of fun.
When Emily was a baby I was finishing my MBA in night school while working full time. This meant that at least two nights a week Bret and tiny little Emily were on their own. Bret had to feed, change, and sometimes bathe a two month old baby. As a new mom I could see how easy it would be to do it all. You are so happy to be doing it for the first time that you lose sight of the fact that the responsibilities should be shared. You also forget that just because dad's do things differently doesn't mean it's wrong. I have seen friends criticize their husbands because they didn't change a diaper just as they would have or feed the baby the way that they normally do. The typical dad's response is "ok, I do it wrong so here you do it" and we do. Then a year down the road or even with the second child we get frustrated because we do everything and they don't help.
Because I was trying to do so much at one time I was forced to keep my mouth shut. I came home sometimes and Emily's dirty clothes would be in a bucket out on the porch b/c Bret couldn't deal with the poop that was seemingly everywhere. That was if the onesie made it to the bucket and not just the trash (he promised to replace it and argued that it wasn't worth the effort). He was a super messy feeder of baby food and didn't always remember a bib. He also didn't always remember that she needed to be changed into pajamas before bed because to him the comfy sleepers she was in looked fine to sleep in at night.
At the end of the day he took care of her in the best way he knew how and I appreciated it because it was the only way I was going to be able to do anything else. Last year I took some time off and stayed home with the kids and I noticed that I started to take on the majority of the household and child care responsibilities. To me it made sense that since staying home was now my job I would do things (like laundry, dishes, cleaning, baths, cooking, etc) more than him because he was working so much. When we decided that I would go back to work we joked that Bret would have the hardest time adjusting and he has. Although we don't argue a lot our biggest point of contention is him helping out more at home and with the kids. We are working on this.
So this past Saturday was interesting to say the least because it had been a long long time since he had to take both kids and manage for the day. It was made even more challenging because it wasn't just a stay at home and hang out type Saturday either. He had to take both kids to swim lessons, feed them lunch, pick up a birthday present, and take the kids to a skating birthday party. I felt bad for Bret because after swim lessons Palmer was exhausted and didn't want to be put down. That meant that Emily was on her own skating for the first time while he held Palmer. I got done early and went and met them at the rink and got to skate with Emily. It didn't bother Emily one bit but it bother Bret a lot. I felt bad but at the same time exactly what he was feeling. It is hard to juggle both kids especially at a birthday party. But such is life and you do what you have to do. After this we talked about maybe setting some time aside for one on one parent time for both of the kids. I think it is a great idea and could be a lot of fun.
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