Winds of Change

Change is a scary thing. Everyone has a different level of tolerance for how much change they can take before it scares the crap out of them. Change had never really frightened me until we had to pick up and move half way across the country. We experienced so much change in such a short period of time that it was quite overwhelming.

However, the good news from all of this was that my new level of change tolerance increased significantly. Moving, starting over, etc is much much less scary. It also helps to know that the next time all of this will take place we will have a lot more control over it (ie when Bret gets a job after residency).

Even having a third baby isn't nearly as big of change in our lives as it was for us to have the first. Yes the dynamic, time management, and just the sheer number of kids impacts our family a lot but over all for the most part we are not as scared this time around of the changes...mostly because we know a little more about what to expect.

I have mentioned before that Bret and I are not really sure how we are going to manage the finance aspects of having a third small child. Not that we are broke but there is a line for most families that have to working parents and kids in daycare where you start to question the value of the second parent working when most of that earned income goes right back out. We are at that point with the third child. I, personally, have been doing a lot of soul searching for what makes me happy. While there is still a lot that I don't know I do know that I need balance. I need lots of flexibility and having one parent always available to my kids is really important to me.

So the other day my ears perked up at work when my boss mentioned that they were trying to figure out a way to hire additional staff. The words part-time, temporary, etc started floating around and I started thinking. After talking things over with Bret I decided to put myself out there. I talked to my boss about the possibility of me working part time from home. I even mentioned the forbidden work "temporary". I was honest and put myself out there letting her know my concerns about having our third child and not knowing for sure what our plans were for when Bret is done with residency. Much to my astonishment my boss was interested..more than interested...she was enthused. A few days later she came back to me and said that she had pitched the idea to our VP and they want me to write up a proposal.

While part of me is REALLY excited about this prospect the other part is really nervous. I have never worked from home. I know that this is a new type of balance. I think that if done the right way this opportunity can really benefit my department and me (and of course my family). On the other hand it is really scary giving up my full time job in the economic climate that we are in. It feels really vulnerable telling my boss that we will probably be leaving PA. If this all doesn't work out I'm not sure what this will all mean for my job. Writing this proposal feels very overwhelming and I'm not sure where to even begin. I don't know what to expect as for a change in pay. I don't want to get stuck in a bad situation but I really want to give this a chance.

I have said before that the one thing I have learned in my life is to trust God. He has always provided for us. He will guide me. My heart knows this. My head still feels the need to stress and worry over it. Everything is a long ways from being finalized but I feel like this has been what I have been hoping for and now that the opportunity has presented itself I am a little freaked. We shall see.