Big Decisions

Here in PA school starts for most next week. This has causes a little anxiety in our house as of late.

Bret and I have talked AT LENGTH about whether or not we should send Emily to kindergarten this year. The decision was to send her to our daycare's kindergarten this year and then to kindergarten the next year (not sure whether it will be at the Catholic church's school or public yet). Then a few weeks ago one of Palmer's teachers mentioned that she might be interested in being a nanny. We talked about sending Emily to the preschool at the same place she would go to kindergarten and how this might be a way for us to afford daycare after the baby comes. Long story short the teacher decided that she was not ready to commit as she wasn't sure what she wanted to do either (go back to school, etc).

Then Bret reminded me that one of the residents in our apt complex's mom was living with them to take care of their newborn baby and her daughter had mentioned that she would be interested in watching more kids. So last night we went and talked to her. She is great and we love her. However, there are still somethings to think about.

First she wasn't real keen on the idea of taking and picking up Emily from school. Who can blame her? Taking a tiny baby, Palmer, and Emily back and forth twice a day three times a week is a lot. Bret thought that one of the other neighbors (who have twin 4 year olds) were looking into preschools in the area. If we sent Emily to the same school they would probably be willing to give her a ride back and forth. Complicated enough for you yet?

The crappiest part of all of this is that school starts in the next two weeks so our window of getting Emily into another preschool (if that is what we choose to do) is very small. We also have to figure out how much to offer to pay. I want to pay her what she is worth. However I also have to take into consideration how much I pay now. If it is not going to save me any money then is it worth it? The center provides food, education, and doesn't have sick days. Besides paying for the babysitter we also have to pay for Emily's preschool. I want what is best for our kids. The kids are happy right now and I am very anxious about changing that. The status quo is working for us right now.

This is where Bret and I come at odds. He thinks we should plan ahead for the baby and make sure we have arrangements in place so that we can afford our future. I, on the other hand, am still praying for a miracle. I would like things to stay the same for now and as the time comes closer answers will become more obvious. I would ideally like to stay home. However, we have to figure out a way for us to supplement our income by something close to what I bring home now (after taxes, insurance, and daycare). I am not sure if that means finding something I can do from home, Bret getting an amazing contract that will start paying out his signing bonus now, or winning the lottery.

The Lord has always provided for us. We didn't know how were going to pay our bills when Emily was born (Bret was a 1st year med student and I made next to nothing) but we figured it out. We didn't know how were going to move across the country and afford to live on one income after Palmer was born but again we figured it out. There has always been "enough". Not knowing the right answers and the desire to do what is best for our children drives us to constantly worry and fret about what we should be doing.

We have even second guessed our decision on not sending Emily to kindergarten. We continue to have faith that things will work themselves out and that we are making the best choices.