**WARNING**- This is a post about sex. Not a nasty post but still about sex none the less. Parents, in-laws, sisters, and anyone else that feels uncomfortable reading about sex please disregard this post and tune in tomorrow to hear more about what my adorable children, hard working husband, etc, etc are up to and the random things that happen in our daily lives that you are used to reading about. You have been warned.
Yesterday I watched the recent episode of Oprah titled "The Secret Lives of Moms". It featured some of my favorite bloggy moms and other moms in the audience and talked about the things that moms don't talk about in the open. For 95% of the show I was cracking up, nodding my head, and sighing in relief that I wasn't the only person who went a week sometimes without bathing my children or that was less than perfect when it came to getting dinner on the table rather than a drive through.
However, for that last 5% I was in total disagreement and a little shocked to be honest. Every single mom that was interviewed on the show said that sex didn't happen very much (if at all) after they had children. More importantly these moms said that when it did happen it wasn't something they looked forward to but rather dreaded. I am not just talking about new mom's either. Some of these moms had 1 kid that were at least 5 years old.
REALLY?!?! I am shocked and this is not to be naive. I have talked to my girlfriends about this topic (not very often though) and when it does come up it seems like the pot is split right down the middle. Either the girls think sex with their husband is great and are comfortable with how often they have it or they dread it and beg it off as often as they can.
Every one agrees that sex is not only important but vital to a happy and thriving marriage. So this got me to thinking. Are we not the norm? I want to know how often you have sex and if you are married and/or have kids did it change then?
Bret and I have been together for 10 years and married for six. There have been times in our relationship were our sex life was better than others but overall we (I asked him last night after the show) would agree that it has gotten better..MUCH better. On average we have sex 3 times a week. That's an average so sometimes more sometimes less.
I get what these moms are saying...I really do. I am tired, I have two kids, and a husband who works at work way more than he works at home. However there are two things that have always stuck with me. You have to separate your feelings of resentment of how tired you are or how much you think they should be helping you more from your sexual feelings. Your partner doesn't understand that connection and it's not the right way to ask for help. We also try really hard to not say no. Even when you have a head ache or are really tired in the end you will be glad that you didn't. (My husband like to point out that the excess hormones actually work really well at relieving head aches).
Excuses are just that excuses. If a happy and healthy sex life is an important part of your marriage you will find time and the energy AND it can be awesome.
3 comments:
They were talking on the radio about the keys to a great marrage and one was to have sex at least 3 times a week. I know my husband and I on average do. There are some times when it doesn't happen. I think these women that dread it need to get rid of the distractions.
I agree. It's not always easy but it's something worth the commitment.
Just stumbled across your blog, and it's true. Sex cures everything! Headaches, stomachaches, hangovers...
(Sorry, my boyfriend and I have had numerous conversations, and joke, about how sex cures everything.)
And it's sad how some couples stop being intimate after a child. If anything they need it more after a child, so that they have a different level they connect on, instead of just being focused on the child.
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