Buh-Bye

I learned two things last night. The first is that I am a grumpy mama when I am awoken from a deep sleep in the middle of the night. The second is that Logan's pacifier needs to go.

Last night at about 3am Logan was wandering around the upstairs crying and calling out for his pacifier. I took him back to bed, spent a couple minutes looking for it, and decided that he would be fine and went back to my bed. Not so.

So after listening to him cry for a few minutes I went in hunt of another pacifier. Emily woke up by this time and said she didn't know where one was either. Finally I found one and got him back to bed.

I went back to bed and only moments later our dog started to whine like crazy because she too had been woken up and wanted to go out. So I let her out went back to bed and heard her barking her head off to be let back in. When I finally got back to bed my husband who had been at beer club this evening was snoring like a chainsaw so I went to sleep in Emily's bed. UGH. I am tired today...and resolved.

All three of my kids had a pacifier. With Emily and Palmer we took it away right before they turned two. Logan has been two for almost two months and he still takes it during his nap, during church, and at bedtime. I was reading an article the other day that talked about how parents are just as addicted to the binky as the kids are. I very much agree. There is a sense of security in how quickly a pacifier will quiet and soothe him. It's like magic.

However I am tired of searching for lost ones and know that it will only get harder to break the habit the longer I wait. The training event I refuse to even mention is on the horizon in the not distant enough future so I want to be completely done with this endeavor first. So I have decided that this weekend is P-day.

With the first two kids I went cold turkey. They fussed a little bit about it and they asked for it incessantly for a couple of days and I could see that they were also looking for it constantly.

This time I am having a hard time with the idea of taking it away cold turkey. So I am leaning towards either the pacifier fairy or the pacifier pillow. With the pacifier fairy the child leaves their pacifier for the fairy to come get and exchange for a toy. The pillow on the other hand is a homemade pillow that the child puts their pacifier inside and then you sew it up. When the child asks for the pacifier you show them the pillow to remind them that they are a big kid now.

I am not sure either method will work for Logan. My mom was laughing the other day because almost all of Logan's pacifiers have holes in them because he chews on them but it doesn't seem to bother him at all. He seems so young to me but Bret tells me that is because I tend to baby him. Either way we are going to try this weekend even it ends up being cold turkey in the end.

Self Awareness

Shortly after Logan was born his pediatrician set up a consult appointment for us to take him to a hand specialist at the Shriner's hospital in Philadelphia. It was overwhelming, scary, and yet very reassuring all at the same time. Once the doctors assured us that he was great and would be very functional and didn't need any intervention other than some therapy here and there as he got older they talked about his emotional well being.

I will never forget that when the doctor's started talking about self-awareness. Essentially they told us that although no one really knew for sure when a child first realized that they were different physically they knew that it happened very early. At the time he left it at "it will be hard but you will all get through it".

Just within the last few weeks (since he turned two) both Bret and I have noticed very clearly that Logan is beginning to become aware that his hand is different. He has a book that is called Finger, Toes, and Noses. It is a flap book that has mittens when you lift them up you see fingers, boots/toes, ear muffs/ears, etc. He keeps picking up the mitten flaps and then showing you his right hand and then his left. He looks at you with a question wanting to know why. It is kind of weird but when I asked Bret about it he too said that he noticed the same thing. Logan will put his hand in yours and grab your fingers over and over again.

The other day at the park a little girl (I think she is 3) noticed Logan's hand for the first time. She said look at your hand it is kind of funny. Why is his hand different? She meant no harm just curious. Logan in the past paid no attention to this. This time, however, he stuck his hand in his pocket (sometimes it was just his pants) and refused to bring it back out despite the little girls best efforts.

As with all of my Logan moments it pinged my heart a little, made me realize how much sooner than I had hoped we would be dealing with this, and then I dusted myself off and went to his rescue. One of the little boys who plays with them came over before I got there and said.."that is just how God made him". With the question settled they all went off to play (Logan brought his hand out when necessary to climb the slide but then put it right back when he remembered).

I told Bret that I feel unprepared on how to handle all of this. He laughed a little chuckle and hugged me. He said when are we ever prepared for this whole parenting thing. He is right but it doesn't make it any easier. So for now at least we will continue to love him no different.