Logan is 6

Today is Logan's 6th birthday.  I can't believe how fast the time has gone.  It seems like yesterday he was still like this.

This picture was taken the morning of his birth.  He was born by C-section and just like the rest of his life so far it wasn't exactly what I had planned.

I gained very little weight with Logan's pregnancy (12 pounds to be exact) and I was really hoping for a vbac since Palmer's C-section was really hard on me.  My doctor felt pretty confidant my whole pregnancy that we could make this happen until about the last week of the 40 weeks.  Bret and I were laying on the couch watching TV and he started feeling the baby.  About the second time he started feeling around his eyes got pretty wide.  "This baby is huge" Bret told me (he was a 3rd year OB resident at the time).  I told him that wasn't possible since I hadn't gained almost any weight.  Bret said no, he is very big.

Long story short he was very big and a vbac just did not happen.  He was born weighing 9 pounds 2 ounces.

These are the first two pictures taken after Logan was born and were sent to all of our family and friends right away.  A few moments later when the nurses were cleaning him up and the doctors were putting me back together a nurse quietly asked Bret if we knew about his hand.

Bret's response was "what's wrong with his hand?"  We had no idea and until the nurse pointed it out to Bret we still didn't notice.

So Bret wrapped him up and decided to wait until we were in the recovery room to tell me.  I remember this moment with such clarity.  There are so many emotions after just having a baby.  I remember thinking that if we didn't know about his hand what else did we not know about.  I was so scared that something really serious was wrong and we just didn't know yet.  I kept asking Bret if his heart was OK, was his kidney's OK, how do we know, I kept asking.  Bret said "he is healthy, he is going to be just fine" and I believed him and he has been.

From that moment forward Logan has lived life to his own beat and as God, not me intended. 
When Logan was teething instead of sucking his thumb or chewing on part of his hand he used to stick his whole hand in his mouth to comfort his tender gums.  People used to freak out thinking he was going to choke himself.  It was one of the first of many times Logan cracked us up.
Just before Logan's 3rd birthday over Christmas break I had my older two kids at the eye doctor's office for a yearly check up.  They asked if I wanted Logan's eyes checked also since he was there.  I had no idea they checked them that young but figured why no since we were there already.  Lo and behold the older two's eyes were perfect.  Logan on the other hand needed glasses and pretty strong prescription to.  I told the doctor I didn't think there was anyway Logan at three would wear them.  The doctor assured me that Logan couldn't see very well and once he started wearing them he would wear them all the time.  He was right.

Logan is such a fun kid that makes us laugh everyday.  He is also the kid that I find myself on my knees asking for help with constantly too.  I thought that having two other kids would prepare me for a third.  Logan reminds me everyday that he is his own person and that what might have worked on two other kids won't always work for him.  He is loud, outgoing, stubborn, and very bright.  At the last preschool parent teacher conference I remember asking Bret before going that if they were going to hold him back we would know by now right?  I had no idea because at home he showed no interest in learning anything to do with school and usually responded with "I don't know, what do you think?" when asked things like what letter is this.  Turns out Logan was very bright and surprised both of his parents with the fact the Logan was actually reading.  Who knew?

 Kindergarten brought a whole new level of challenges that broke my heart.  Logan was in the principals office twice the first week of school for fighting.  During recess a third grader was grabbing his hand to look at his little nubbins (the tiny fingers that never grew) and then was trying to pull them.  Logan punched him.  The second time again at recess a girl grabbed his hand and wouldn't let go so Logan threw her down onto the ground.  After two weeks everything stopped.  I am not sure if Logan just figured out how to handle things better or if other kids decided not to mess with him anymore.  We have not had a single behavior issue at school since the first two weeks but man were they rough to start.

Logan lives life hard.  He also loves so fiercely.  He writes these little notes and leaves them for me that just say "I love you mom".  He hugs and cuddles.  He adores his big brother Palmer and has started to play and get along a lot more with his little brother Easton.  He and Emily still sort of tolerate each other.

This past summer Bret decided Logan was big enough to ride the 4-wheeler by himself on the path behind our yard.  You would have thought Logan died and went to heaven.  He rode it until it ran out of gas.

This past year showed Logan's sensitive side as he suffered heartbreak.  We lost our devoted dog Sadie that Logan claimed as his own from the beginning.  He cried every night for a week and still talks about her and how much he misses her.

Logan was really close to my dad.  Having been to a few funerals before he had an idea of what to expect.  At the rosary he told Bret, "OK let's go see papa's body."  When he saw dad he told my aunt "that's my papa".  She told him that she knew and he said "he used to laugh at my stories, sometimes they weren't true, I am going to miss him a lot."  My aunt told him that papa loved him too and that now he could run.  You could see the relief in Logan's eyes when thought about the fact that my dad was healed now.

When you have a your first child you wonder to yourself how you could ever love anything else as much as this child in your arms.  Love is endless.  I cannot explain how you love each child so completely you just do and it is such a gift. 

Happy Birthday sweet Logan.  We love you so very much.



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