George Bernard

GB is my dad and birthday was this week. My dad drives me nuts but I love him all the same. When I was a kid I thought he was the greatest dad. He always took time to take us fishing or have a kids day out with movies and a trip to our favorite restaurant. He, for no reason, would decide on hot summer nights to take us to Dairy Queen and treat us to an ice cream cone. My dad was never shy to tell us how proud we made him, and everyone else he could find for that matter too.

To say that the last few years have been a struggle between the two of us would be the understatement of the century. I have been very angry and disappointed in him. Like finding out there is no Santa Claus for the first time, finding out that your parents are fallible human beings is a devastating experience for an adult.

My dad was in a terrible car accident the week before Christmas this year. I received an emotional phone call from my aunt with only the news that he was in a serious accident, they life flighted him to Kansas University Hospital (which is about an hour driving distance away), and that he was in surgery. Not knowing how he was doing was a terrible scare for me. It was also a wake up call. Things between my dad and I were not how I wanted them to be and now I have a second chance.

I am still very angry at him at times and I am still very heart broken by the choices he has made and the mistakes he has made in the past few years. But I have forgiven him. I know that he will continue to make choices that I hate and that he will continue to disappointment me at times. I cannot control him or make choices for him. The only thing I can control is my love for him. I have chosen to be the daughter that I want to be regardless of whether or not he deserves it. I am working very very hard to be there for him, to love him, yet not take care of him beyond what he really needs. See my dad has a tendency to take advantage. We are both committed to creating a new healthy relationship that is good for both of us. For the last couple of years I have abandoned him emotionally. We would talk every few weeks but nothing more than hi or how are the kids. I want us to have more than that and I am forever grateful for the second chance to have that before he goes.

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