1 month till

I turn 30. The BIG 3-0.

I've never really been one to stress about age. I remember as a kid that I thought 30 was old. As a child I knew I wanted to be married and have kids by the time I was 30. No problem there.

Bret asked me the other day what the deal was with me turning 30. I didn't have an answer for him but I promised to figure it out. I think I have.

I am almost 30 years old and I feel very lost. I am happy. I love my husband, my kids. Things are very good and I am very blessed. However, there are a LOT of changes on our horizon and I feel very lost about it all.

I am a very goal oriented person. Up until this point in my life I have had very clear goals that I have worked very hard to achieve. Getting my degree, getting a good job, supporting Bret during med school, getting my MBA, and then residency. I work because I have to. We need the money to pay bills and support ourselves. I enjoy it too. Bret and I have been working so hard for the past ten years to get to this point. For him to get a job...the job. As we are in midst of contracts and the reality of money no longer being an issue I have no idea what I am going to do. I don't know.

Right now when people ask I tell them for now my plan is to get us moved and settled. To get the house set up and liveable and the kids acclimated to our new home. To make things stress free for Bret and he studies for/takes board exams and starts his practice. Then we will see. My closest friends press for more. What then? they ask. I don't know. So at thirty years old I feel lost. Stay at home? Work? Work doing what?

I am very very luck to have those choices. I have a husband who wants more than anything for me to be happy. I could tell him that I want to do anything and he would support me 100%. I could tell him I want to stay home and he would support me. I just have to figure out what would make me happy. It is worse than choosing a major in college. I just don't know. I need a new goal to focus on. I need direction. I need a plan.

It sounds easier and simpler than you think.

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