Sanctity of Marriage

This morning Kate, of the Jon & Kate plus 8 show, made an appearance on the Today Show. Besides promoting her latest book she took the opportunity to dispel the raging rumors that Jon is cheating. She did not deny it but instead said that it was hard to believe. Rumors have been flying that a young (23?) 3rd grade teacher here in Reading has been cheating with Jon for the past several months. In fact her brother (who lives with her but has a shady past) has given media several "too much information" details attesting to the affair. The woman denies any wrong doings as does Jon, and both argue that they are just friends.

Another popular news story is today's guest on Oprah, the past presidential hopeful John Edwards and his wife Elizabeth as she discusses her newest book. In her book she goes into great detail her feelings about the affair that John acknowledged not that long ago.

America (myself included) is fascinated by the dissemination of these marriages. We read about divorce on a daily basis and most of us have experienced it for ourselves or with someone very close to us. On that same account we all also know someone that has been cheated on or who has been the cheater.

The most common reason I have heard on why men cheat is because they feel they are not getting any attention from their wives so they go looking for it somewhere else. Does this make it OK? No, I don't think so. I also don't think it is OK for wives to neglect their husbands either. (Please note that no blame is meant to be placed on anyone here as each situation is very unique and I do not mean to try and know what your situation entails or to say that someone cheated because this specific reason...this is only meant to be a general statement)

I am a big fan of Sex and the City. While Miranda has never been my favorite character I loved how the movie (which is usually not aligned with my conservative views) fought for their marriage. They were real in that it took a lot of work on both parts and it took a lot of time. There was no quick fix but both wanted to try. I loved it when Samantha of all people gave Miranda a hard time about letting herself go and how all the girls agreed "let's hurry up and get it over" wasn't a good answer no matter how tired you are. I was touched by the scene on the bridge where they were both worried that the other wouldn't show up and I loved the symbolism of leaving the past behind. I realize this doesn't work for everyone and that for some a one night mistake is much different than a full blown extended affair.

When I was younger I always thought if my man cheated he was gone. Just like that. No second chances. I realize now that it is never that simple. Love is not simple and marriage isn't either. The feelings, emotions, heart ache, and lost dreams are real. I don't know what my future would like without Bret and I hope I never have to try to picture that reality. I do know that pain and betrayal and even healing process is the most private thing you can imagine. I hope for the children's sake and for the sake of their marriage that the media (yes that means you and me) give Jon & Kate a break. Let them figure this out without the added pressure of the whole world watching. I agree that they were the ones that invited the whole world into their living room in the first place.

So like Charlotte in Sex in the City I plan to go home and remind (in a very subtle way) my husband that he is not neglected at home and that he is getting plenty of attention and I pray that we will never have to venture down that torturous path where we would have to fight for our marriage.


Moi said...

you stated that beautifully - I agree with you on Charolotte from SITC I was a bit surprised at the angle the show took on that storyline and I appreciated it.
great post

LegalMist said...

I like your nuanced approach. There's nothing worse than persons who lack the intimate knowledge of all the facts and the history of a couple's relationship imposing their unsolicited judgments about what people "should" do in a given situation.

Adriana said...

I never pretend to know or understand anyone's but my own relationship (and even then I sometimes struggle). I try to learn from other peoples experiences. When you sign your marriage license it's like someone is telling you that you will have a 50/50 chance of staying together and even less chance of being happy. So what can I do then to give my marriage better odds? I try to understand what didn't work from the relationships I see fail and try to keep that from happening in my own. It is definately not something you can do alone though and definately not a one size fits all answer. It may not be an answer at all but it is one of the pieces of the whole that we call marriage.

Bea said...

Hi Adriana! I ventured over to your blog from Tova's and I'm glad to have found you. Looks like we have a lot of things in common-- I love reading, my husband is a resident, we live in Philly. And we both wrote a blog post on John & Kate Plus 8! Anyway, just wanted to say hello and I look forward to reading your blog.