Totally Awkward Tuesdays

So I know that I missed last week but I was out of town, etc and I have a really good story to make up for it this week.

For those of you who haven't read already about our ridiculously long drive back to Kansas that we make regularly because we can't afford four plane tickets...catch up.

Dr. Heskett is a great person to travel with except for one thing. He is a Nazi when it comes to stops. Even if you don't have to pee you should try because it doesn't matter what you promise, plead, or how many tears you shed he is not going to stop until the next designated stop. Emily and I have learned to accept this and usually don't bother to ask anything except when the next stop is going to be. A tank of gas is usually our determinate as to when we are going to stop next and that usually tends to be about four hours. Sometimes this is a little bit of a challenge but one that both Emily and I can usually manage pretty well although sometimes we are running to the bathroom by the time we finally stop.

This weekend we were on our trip home and about six hours from home (it is a 17 hour drive) I had to pee. I asked Dr. Heskett about how long until our next stop. One hour. No problem...it was going to be one of those run to the bathroom moments and I mentally cut myself off from diet coke but I wasn't panicking yet.

As the hour started to dwindle I saw relief in the last sign that said 10 miles until our stop. As we rounded the corner we were passed by a fire truck and ambulance and Bret said..."oh no". Still keeping my cool I turned to him to ask "what?". Without looking at me Bret said "I bet there is a bad accident ahead" and at that moment we came to a stand still behind a ton of cars that we backed up farther than we could see. With panic just under the surface I told myself that it was a slight delay and we were going to inch towards the exit that was only 9 miles away. WE. DIDN'T. MOVE. Bret put the truck into park and I looked at him with terror in my eyes. My bladder was literally starting to cramp. I looked around me and there was NO. WHERE. TO. GO. It was about 6 am and starting to get light outside so sneaking off to the shoulder was out of the question. I just tried to focus on something else and that was just not working.

We sat there for an hour and finally I looked at Bret and said..."I can't hold it any longer". Bret rolled down the window and poured out the last of his large diet coke and handed me the cup. I just sat there and stared at him. It took me a moment to realize that he thought I should pee in the cup. I was horrified. I am no city girl and have squat and peed my far share in the woods but this was completely different. Some how I was supposed to pull my pants down without mooning the world with my whiter than white butt in the front passenger seat of a pick up that was packed to absolute max with my husband sitting next to me and my two kids in the back seat wide awake. Are you kidding me????

As bad as I had to pee it was the longest it has ever taken me to get started. I can't begin to detail my embarrassment and awkwardness at this moment. It was even weird afterwards as we sat there for another 30 minutes before we finally got moving with a cup of my pee sitting in the cup holder of the console because I'll be damned if I was going to roll down my window and dump the pee in front of everyone on the side of the road. UGH. Happy Totally Awkward Tuesdays!


Tova Darling said...

Oh my gosh! That's so embarrassing!!! Well, at least you didn't aim poorly and miss the cup...

Moi said...

You poor thing! That is awful! Hee heeee..I seriously dont know how you did that..brave woman!

Julia said...

I agree with TOVA. I would have probably ended up getting the pee all over the place.

Morgan the Muse said...

Oh, man. That is terrible! But I understand. We had a bomb threat at school one day, while we were in PE, and a friend of mine had to go before hand. We were in the gym, sitting by the wall, for 3 hours, and she could not go up to the locker room. When it was revealed that it was just a false alarm, a training thing (I cannot for the life of me think of the word I want) she tore off to the bathroom. She would understand your situation all too well. :)At least, it was not me!

Cora said...

I would have missed. I just know I would have missed!! Bravo!! You've definitely got peeing skillz (hee hee)

A. said...

Very brave! And great job on the aim!
You know, you have to do what you have to do.

At least, next time you're stuck in a similar situation (hopefully never) you can just cut straight to the embarrassing pee-in-the-cup moment, because you've already done it before. :)

Smalls said...

Wow, that is awful!!! Poor you! I always wonder about that when stuck in dead-stopped traffic, like "Wow, I'm really glad I didn't properly hydrate today!" Well hey, at least you didn't have to pull a "Two Weeks Notice", if you've seen that movie.

Adriana said...

I think that the fear of missing was of the reason it took so long to get started. Funney though that we can pee with no problems in the tiny cup at the doctors office but with a regular size fountain drink cup (3 times as big as the sample cup) we are terrified of missing.

Tova- As I come up with stories about my awkwardness I am finding that almost ALL of them are embarrassing. At least I am finding the humor in them from all of your reactions :)

A- I also think that the lesson learned is to insist we stop when we can...Dr. Heskett will just have to deal.

Smalls- I love that part in 2 wks notice...hahaha..that would have been beyond awful.

Emma said...

haha our last trip to SC I made my husband hold it for soo long and he made me stop half an hour before home because he wouldn't pee in a bottle haha! so props to you!