Logan is 5!

In the ten years that we have had children every now and then they turn an age that is harder or more surprising than other years for me.  Logan turning five is one of those years.

Dear Logan,

You are five years old!  That is quite an accomplishment and I know that this year will be one of your best.  You told your dad and I that you are excited to turn five because that meant in the fall you will get to go to kindergarten all day.  This means you will no longer have to eat lunch at home but at school, get to go to recess and play with Palmer, and go to church twice a week.  I am so excited that you are excited and that you love school.

It makes me a little sad though.  You were the first child that really got to stay home with me.  Although I got a babysitter every now and then for the most part it was you and me until Easton came along.  I will miss our quick trips to the store where instead of asking me how long it was going to take you asked how many things we needed to get and then you kept track.

You are the best story teller and you remember everything!  We were a little worried starting preschool this year because you refused to work on learning your letters or practicing your writing at home.  It did not take long for you to catch up at school and you have loved every minute of it.

We can all tell that you are a middle child.  This past weekend on our family vacation you drove all of us crazy with your "my birthday, my rules" motto.  It was so fun to see you having such a good time with Palmer and your cousin Greyson.  I have still not figured out why you are not crazy about your little brother Easton.  We have talked multiple times about how important being a big brother is and you adore your big brother Palmer but you want nothing to do with Easton and the two of you fight constantly.

I have to be completely honest with you bud, this was not our greatest year together.  Although we made significant improvements in your desire to hit or tackle especially when you are mad we are still struggling with using the right words when you are upset.  I can't tell you how many times you have told me that you hate me, that I am the worst mom EVER, and even though I know it is out of frustration and anger it still hurt.  We are working on things.

Out of all four of my children you are the child that has me pleading to God for help, patience, understanding, and guidance.  You are so strong willed and stubborn.  You have a hard time getting along with other people put in charge of you (except your teachers surprisingly, although you told my 75 year old aunt to go home).  You throw fits and go to bed hungry because you refuse to eat the food I cook for you.  You tell me that I am a terrible cook and that you don't like anything I cook and would rather eat pizza always.  You refuse to listen when you don't want to and can be mean to your siblings.

On the other hand you are best cudler and you love as fiercely as you are willful.  You give the best kisses and your love language has always been touching.  No matter how mad we are at each other we can heal everything but just sitting together usually with you on my lap.  It seems like the only one with enough patience for you is Palmer.

On one my bad days as a mom I was so upset by all the mean and hateful things that you were saying I told you that I would be happy to pack your suitcase for you.  When you asked me where you were going I told you I didn't care but you couldn't stay in my house if you didn't want me to be your mom anymore.  After a few minutes thought you told me that you couldn't leave because Palmer would be sad and miss you.  He is your safe place and your refuge and he loves you as much as you love him.  Easton and Emily love you too but they don't understand you the way Palmer does.

I think the reason God made you so strong willed and stubborn is because he knew that you would need this tenacity to face the world with only one hand.  You face every challenge and obstacle straight on with no fear or hesitancy.  We signed you up for baseball this summer not sure how it would go.  I almost died when at one of the first practices you were struggling with putting the glove in your arm and pulling the ball out to throw back to the other player.  Not paying attention the coach yelled at you (not rudely) to hurry up and throw the ball back.  You threw the ball back but not without yelling back at the coach "I only have one hand and am going as fast as I can!!".  The coach I don't think had realized who he was telling to hurry up and felt awful but you never gave it another thought.

As you have gotten more involved with sports and with school I am reminded of a conversation I had with a pediatric hand specialist at the Shriners hospital in Philly only a month after you were born.  The doctor there told us that your hand was amazing and that there wouldn't be anything you couldn't do.  I was shocked and a little upset that he was so happy and that he wasn't seeing what I was seeing which was only what you were missing.  This doctor knew what I didn't yet and that was that you had so much to be thankful for.  The thumb you were born with lets your hand be completely functional and capable of anything.

The Lucky Fin Project organization has been such a great resource for all of us this year.  I love that this organization has given you confidence by showing you the many kids around the world that have hands just like yours.  It has helped us to find a name for it and given you the words to explain it to the many curious preschoolers.  I love that you tell people that a famous boxer has only one hand, a girl that surfs only has one hand, and that a famous baseball pitcher only has one hand.  I have seen in your eyes the encouragement that has given you.

Your dad and I and all of our family love you so much.  You are such a cool little dude in glasses.  I cannot wait to see what this next year will hold for you.



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