Doing Something When...

Nothing can be done.


My sister called me Saturday to tell me that my grandmother is not doing well. She found out yesterday even though she has been in the hospital for almost 10 days. I have spoken to my father a few times in the past few weeks and he never mentioned it at all. I called my aunt and all of us are upset that he didn't tell me or my sister. Last night I finally got a text from him saying that he was sorry he didn't tell me but that it was too hard for him to deal with right now. No surprise there.

Essentially what I have put together is that my grandmother had a recurring case of strep throat over the course of about six weeks. Antibiotics were not working. Her doctors decided to admit her to the hospital to run additional tests to find out why the infection was not reacting to any of the medications. Sometime during the first two days of her hospital stay this infection spread and has caused her to have severe dementia. In other words she is paranoid, manic, and pretty much crazy right now.

She refused to eat, drink, or take her medication because she believes people are trying to kill her. She has told stories about nurses raping her, people killing her children, and many many other things. Her anxiety has caused her blood pressure to sky rocket to stroke levels. The doctors are hopeful that IF she were to take her medication these symptoms of craziness will fade away. Hopeful is the key and so far getting her to take her medication has been almost impossible. It is heart breaking.

There is nothing that I can do but I felt like I had to do something. So I do what I do best...I put together a care package. I went and bought some individual size snacks and mini bottles of water. I wrote letters and the kids made and decorated cards. I put all of this together and added pictures and mailed it off for her. I am hopeful that because everything is sealed and because it is from us that she will begin to eat or drink again. My aunt thinks this might work. She has been drinking some Ensure because it is sealed and brought in by my aunt, so maybe this will feed into her logic. I plan to call her this evening and have been preparing myself for most of the weekend since I found out.

My grandmother is 97 years old. Although her body has begun to fail her for sometime now her mind has always been sharp as a tack. I think the hardest part for me is acceptance. I was just there visiting her six weeks ago and she was great. We had such a wonderful visit and for that I am grateful. My aunt and other family members have said that I should just hold on to that and remember her as I last saw her but that is not easy. If I was still in KS I would be at her side and it is hard to accept the distance and the limitations that come with that. Instead I pray.

She is a faithful woman, one of the most devout I know. I pray for her comfort and rest of her mind. I pray for strength for days to come. Selfishly I pray for her to heal so I can see her one last time and that she meet her newest great grandchild in just a few short months. I pray for her to have peace.

I am angry at my father for not telling me and for not being there for her. I have yet to deal with those feelings and am trying to let time cool me off. I hope that our love transcends through our care package and that the pictures and cards bring a smile to her face.