Family. I think that when you say your wedding vows your parents should have vows that they have to say to.
"I MIL & FIL take you DIL/SIL as one of our own. I promise to remember your birthday and invite you to holiday gatherings. I promise to offer support while not judging. I promise to never broach the topics of money, sex, and how you raise your children. I promise to love those children and spoil them rotten. As long as you both are married."
My in-laws come into town on Tuesday (my birthday) and will be staying with us for a week. I am genuinely glad that they are coming. They came a little less than a year ago for a long weekend. While I thought the trip went fine I think they thought otherwise. While there were here I took them to the mall to shop. While there I suddenly started to feel very bad. (I think I mentioned this situation in a previous post) I broke out into the worst case of hives that I have ever had. I ended up having to take steroids to get rid of them. My entire body was covered and swollen and I was miserable. Although most commonly they come from an allergic reaction they can sometimes be caused by stress. We had not changed anything in our laundry care, etc so who knows what it was. My MIL swears that it was them visiting that caused the episode. Most likely I was allergic to something they were wearing or using. Either way there is some concern about this trip. However, as I have pointed out I am working now (not home with them all day) and we have a lot planned this time.
We spent last Thanksgiving with our new closest friends here and it was wonderful. We cooked a feast for 20 even though there were four adults and two kids and ate until we were ill. It was quiet but very nice. This year these close friends are expecting their first baby on.....my birthday. As my own private in house resident has informed me, less than 10% of women actually deliver on their due dates. I am still hopeful to share my date with a new little one. So far so good as she has not delivered yet. Because of her condition and the timing of everything all of their family is coming here for the holidays so spending a quiet holiday with them is kind of out. Besides my MIL is a fabulous cook and I am happy that she is going to help cook.
In the ten years that I have known my MIL we have come a long way. Our relationship has grown over time into one of respect and warm regards. We are not anywhere close to BFF nor do I carry illusions of this ever having. I have a mom and she has a daughter...we are good in that regard. I think that the struggle we have both have is one of finding our role. She has always been the mom. She cooked for her family, planned the holidays, and made the decisions. I came into her life and changed that dynamic.
Bret and I have always marched to our own beat and never asked for opinions, advice, or even help. That said we got married very young, had our first child two months after we were married a year (she was weeks early), bought our house right away, and then had a second child before Bret was out of med school. These things were not what anyone else thought was right for us and those thoughts were never really kept quiet or from us. It hurt my feelings that people thought we should have waited to get married or have children. I just wanted them to be excited and happy for us. I won't go into the ugly things that happened (I will save that for my anonymous blog) but let's just say it took a lot of time for me to forgive and I am still working on the forgetting part.
The one thing I have learned is that although it always takes them longer than I had hoped they ALWAYS come around. My MIL was there for me when my mom was in the hospital the entire week before our wedding. She stayed in the hospital with me when I was pregnant with Emily, scared to death, and Bret was 16 hours away. She cried with me when I packed up everything I owned and said goodbye to everything and everyone I had every known to go to a place that seemed so foreign and far way with my two little babies. She is the best grandmother I could have ever asked for to my kids and she would do anything to help her own kids.
I am sure that when we have another child it will still be too soon for them (no that is not an announcement, I promise you will one of the first to know) and we will make other decisions that they will not agree with. I am also sure they will let us know that they disagree. In the mean time I am happy that the kids will get to spend some time with the grandparents, we will get the best homemade bread and pies ever, and we will be with family for this holiday to give thanks for all that is good. She has also promised to go BF shopping with me and hold a spot in line. Now that is true love.
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